Understand why you are bullied or a bully Secret

Ben has three older brothers. There is a 10-year gap between him and his next brother - he was an unexpected but welcomed baby. His mother enjoyed being busy and needed. But Ben was often ill as a baby; his parents took him to the children's hospital at least five times. He is in high school now, and is healthy and strong, but his mother still fusses over him. His father is focused on his business: he doesn't have the time for him that he hadfor Ben's brothers when they were young. The older boys are busy with careers and girlfriends. Ben has become a real 'mummy's boy'. Of course, the kids at school know that he is different. They bully him and he fights back.

It's highly unlikely that you were born a target, a bully or both. Probably a variety of events happened over time that increased your likelihood of becoming involved in the bullying game. But this process can be reversed. You need to understand why it happened to you and not someone else. The echidna buries itself in the sand when attacked; similarly, many quiet, shy children are never bullied. Despite their limited social skills, they block or avoid bullying. Many height-, weight- and intellectually-challenged children aren't always bullied. Nor do all big children bully.

It is important to search for the reasons so that you don't waste your precious energy feeling humiliated, then blaming and shaming others - that only makes you powerless. Understanding the reasons will give you the courage to focus on what you can do to avoid the bullying game.

Below is a chart to help you find these reasons. Or, if you have been accused of being a bully, you can use the same mind map to work out where you didn't learn the appropriate empathy skills.

Wrong time and place

Genetic factors


Social difficulties


Environmental factors


Your family


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