Bullies have feelings too

Apart from the small minority of bullies who enjoy bullying, most ordinary bullies don't mean to hurt. There may be numerous reasons why they bully, such as being rebuffed, threatened or controlled by the group. However, their internal security wiring system is the same as everyone else's: most bullies are just trying to survive in the best way they know.

Bullies sense your fear and attack first to protect themselves from being attacked (see Chapter 5). They fight first because they have learnt that from past experiences. Alternatively, bullies sense your anger or fear, and this reminds them of their own painful feelings inside, so they attack you to expel their pain. When an ordinary bully can't detect your fear or anger, they lose power and stop. That's why I say, 'If you show fear or anger, you make a bully happy.'

How some kids feel about bullying

Natalie: 'When I am teased I feel hurt inside.'

Shane: 'If someone hits me, I feel so angry that I want to hit back.'

Jane: 'When someone teases me for no reason, I feel confused and don't know what to do.'

Ben: 'I didn't care at first and ignored it. Then I couldn't wait for the end of the year. I hate this school and I want to leave.'

Rob: 'I can't be bothered doing my homework. Nobody plays with me.'

Maria: 'She is so sensitive, so I like teasing her.'

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