Ways To Improve Self Confidence

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Give to yourself build your selfesteem

As you can't always rely on others, you need to give to yourself, not just once a week but every day. Then you can build up your self-esteem bank and feel good about yourself. There are many ways you can do this, but it can be as simple as playing with a toy, reading, listening to music or chatting to a friend. Write down three things you can do any time to make yourself feel good and improve your self-esteem. You can smell,touch, hear,taste,feel or imagine them (e.g. have a bubble bath, play a musical instrument, read, play with a pet, play sport). Children with poor self-esteem aren't good at having fun. Friendly kids like having fun. If you are not fun to be with,they may exclude you and you'll feel worse. You need to smile and laugh more so that children enjoy being with you and think you're cool. Besides, laughing is a great way to get rid of tension, release painful feelings and feel better. To get in the mood for fun, complete these sentences

Step Reinforce Authentic Self Esteem and Humility

Reinforce your child's humility as soon as it happens, and let her know how pleased it makes you feel. Remember that true self-esteem is a quiet, inner contentment in which the child doesn't feel compelled to let others know of her accomplishments and accolades. Nor does she feel the urge to compare herself to others or put the other guy down. Here are some examples

Bullying destroys selfesteem

You have probably experienced a sinking feeling in your stomach following criticism, an attack, a put-down or a nasty remark. Some children have a thick skin and laugh it off, but you may experience it like an arrow through the heart. If you have been bullied or harassed for years, you will feel very bruised and battered. This lowers your self-esteem further your social skills deteriorate, you withdraw from others, and other areas of your life, such as schoolwork or health, become problematic. A downward spiral is created.

Empower yourself with positive selfesteem

When you accept yourself as you are, including all your good and bad bits, your self-esteem is positive and productive. It means that you value your own needs and feelings before you can respect the needs and feelings of others. This doesn't mean that you are arrogant or 'up yourself', it just means that you are realistic and less vulnerable. Then you can give to others, obtain support, make friends and block bullies. If you feel good about yourself, you know that things will work out. You can laugh if someone hits a sensitive spot, and you can analyse the bully's game in order to take action.

The role of selfesteem

When you accept yourself just as you are, your self-esteem is healthy and it's easy to relate to others. You also respect your right to be safe. You insist on being protected by others or protecting yourself when others bully. Generally, children don't bother to bully secure, confident children. If your self-esteem is low, you feel bad about who you are and criticise yourself constantly. Your inner voice acts like a bully and makes you vulnerable. Bullies sense your secret. They look for your reaction, e.g. if you feel bad about your learning difficulties, the bully reads your feedback and bullies you about them. Or you may be blessed with wealthy parents and enjoy lovely holidays, and other children get jealous, e.g. 'So you've been to Disneyland.'. If you're extremely attractive, they might say, 'Hey ugly', and you may react with embarrassment. Remember, it's not your fault that you've been born lucky. Bullying lowers your self-esteem, making it easier for others to hurt you or for...

Selfesteem boosters

In a perfect world, families, friends, classmates and teachers would provide you with self-esteem boosters. But this doesn't happen as often as you need it. Your parents may be the best in the world, but they get tired, busy or frustrated and forget to strengthen your self-esteem. Similarly, your friends may have other things on their minds. Your teachers can also be distracted by their responsibilities. You can't always expect self-esteem boosters from others - you need to provide yourself with your own collection of self-esteem boosters.

The selfesteem bank

Self-esteem is like money in the bank. When you regularly deposit funds into your bank account, there is money when you need it. If you don't, there won't be enough funds when times are tough. Everyone has ups and downs. If your self-esteem bank is in credit, you can withdraw some to help you handle difficult, upsetting moments.

Common Sense Rules For Parents

Encouragement and kind words motivate a child to cooperate. Positive support strengthens the child's self-image and creates an enthusiastic spirit. When new challenges arise, your child will be able to meet them confidently. They even know what problems victims of bullies sometimes face years of constant anxiety, insecurity, and low self-esteem.

Preventing The Worstcase Scenario Why You Better Start Changing Bad Attitudes Today

A big mistake is thinking that by catering to our kids' desire, we boost their self-esteem. As we've seen, research tells us the opposite parents who are less permissive and provide clear guidelines and expectations tend to raise kids with higher self-esteem. Kids with positive self-esteem measure their worth based on who they are and what they are capable of, not what they have and who can do it for them. An interesting note is that a recent survey found that nearly two out of three parents felt their children measure their self-worth more by possessions than they themselves did at the same age.

Happy Kids Are Loved with No Strings Attached

Stanley Coopersmith, author of The Antecedents of Self-Esteem, conducted a famous study to determine the kinds of conditions that enhance self-esteem he discovered three critical factors. First, he found that children with high self-esteem clearly felt they were loved unconditionally with no strings attached. Second, contrary to conventional wisdom, the high-self-esteem children were raised with clear, fair rules that were consistently enforced by their parents, so they knew what was expected. Finally, because their parents took time to listen and paid attention to their ideas, they grew up believing that their opinions mattered and were respected. Coopersmith found that parents who provide the kind of love that conveys acceptance, fair and clear expectations, and respect produce children who believe in themselves.

Therapeutic Interventions

Define unconditional love for the parents (e.g., complete and constant love given regardless of personal attributes, attitude, behavior, or performance) and discuss how this type of personal regard is essential to the development of feelings of adequacy and self-worth in children. Initiate interactions with the child that encourage more self-reliant, organized, and self-confident behavior. (11, 12, 13) encouragement when the child demonstrates feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. (35, 36) 35. Assign the parents to observe their child for two weeks and make a list of behaviors that indicate low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy.

Antidote Selflessness Generosity Consideration

Somewhere I made a huge parenting mistake. I always tried to put my kids first and give into their every little whim. I guess I wanted to make sure they were happy and had great self-esteem. Well, my plan backfired big time I now have two selfish sons who think they rule the world. Is it too late to change their behavior Help

Fake it till you make it

Thus, looking for confidence is like looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It is as elusive as looking for happiness. Once you begin looking, you will notice it trailing behind your shadow. You need to behave as if you already have confidence and positive self-esteem. It's not that hard to fool bullies - they usually aren't that alert or aware. Just pretend to be confident and 'fake it till you make it'. Imagine that you are being interviewed on television, and need to project a confident image. When you begin it may feel uncomfortable, but as you practise, as with learning any new skill, it will slowly come naturally

Bad Attitude News Alert

E.W Swihart Jr., a pediatrician and professor of pediatrics at the University of Minnesota, and Patrick Cotter, a pediatric psychologist, authors of The Manipulative Child, share the belief that highly manipulative kids inevitably develop poor self-esteem.What's more, these kids are prime candidates for developing other social maladies, such as eating disorders, substance abuse, and suicide. Two decades of observations of their young clients and their parents have also led these experts to conclude that the central cause of these kids' manipulative attitudes is their well-meaning, successful, well-read, motivated parents who have raised their kids to learn to adapt to life in a dependent fashion by getting their way through manipulation.They contend that's because parents today are afraid to take charge of their kids and concerned that saying no may somehow jeopardize their kids' emotional development or relationships. And parental guilt is their biggest reason for doing so. Could...

Whats Wrong With Your Current Response

Manipulative kids are great at recognizing what works so the manipulated parent gives up and once again they get their way. So what has your kid learned about you How is he able to push your buttons so you finally acquiesce Does he play on your impatience Your desire to pump up his confidence Has he learned your weakness for his self-pity, his charm, or his posture of helplessness Might it be that he can recognize when you're on overload if he keeps it up a little longer, he figures he'll just wear you out You just don't have the energy to deal with it Or do you believe him (or want to believe him) Could it be that you want to save face before he pulls his antics in front of others You're afraid you'll harm his self-esteem You don't think it's worth jeopardizing your relationship with your kid

Facing Your Own Bad Attitudes

And just why are you allowing your kid to manipulate you Are you thinking it is just a phase (that your kid will grow out of) Might your kid be learning to be manipulative because you are afraid to take charge and say no If so, why Do you want to minimize your kid's stress Think it might hinder his self-esteem Fear your relationship with your child might be jeopardized Feel guilty because you don't always have the time you wish to spend with your child Worry that it may somehow taint his childhood memories When you realize you're being manipulated, do you say nothing for fear of confronting a difficult situation, hurting your kid's feelings,

Establishing routines

Children thrive on routine, no matter what their age. Things have a way of running more smoothly when events take place at the same time each day. Establish regular times for chores, homework, and dinner. Explain the schedule to your child, and help him understand what's expected of him. You help build your child's sense of self-worth when you show him that he plays an important role in the family.

Avoid Magic Outcome Stories

Cinderella faces problems that may well match many of the problems experienced by our young clients. She encounters sibling rivalry, abuse, a hostile stepmother, and a low level of self-worth. The story provides an outcome fit to match the wildest fantasy of any female child She is the most beautiful woman at the ball, meets her prince charming, and is rescued from a situation of abuse and poverty. This shift from where she was to where she wants to be comes about not because ofany-thing that Cinderella does, but rather through the magic of a fairy godmother. The transformation is the product of the magical appearance, and magical powers, of a fanciful figure. Cinderella, herself, does little to determine her own destiny. It is not something she has the power to replicate or maintain. The story provides no means for the character or the listener to lift herself out of her un-desired situation and improve her lot in life.

Presidential Classroom

Our take Presidential Classroom is an exceptional way of bringing the study of government to life. Apart from the visits to government offices and institutions, students participate in a mock presidential election and debate domestic and international issues. These forms of peer exchange, in addition to the many private conversations among students, encourage the development of self-confidence, esteem, and communication skills. Another impressive feature of Presidential Classroom one that has a profound effect on the kids is the appointment set up between the students and their member of congress. There is no better way for a student to understand that our government is operated by the People and for the People.

Outdoor Adventurer Explorer

OUR RECOMMENDATION This is a terrific way to enhance the personal growth process by increasing self-confidence, environmental awareness, a sense of community, and a sense of self. The students should be mature, team players, and willing to immerse themselves in the program. A strong experience for the right kid.

Siblings of children with ADHD

If someone's belongings go missing in our house Joe gets the blame. If food has disappeared Joe gets the blame. If something is broken in our house.Joe gets the blame When the all too familiar screech of Joe reverberates throughout the house, it also serves another purpose.it gives Joe the attention he craves. All of you parents with children with AD HD know there is nothing they like more than attention - whether it is positive or negative, any attention will do Most of the time it is probably Joe who is the perpetrator of such 'crimes', however I am sure that there are many times when Joe has been blamed for something he didn't do and all this does, I am sure, is lower his already battered self-esteem. As parents, it is our job to make our children feel loved, cherished and full ofworth - something I try very hard to do. Children with AD HD experience an onslaught of negativity that makes building their confidence akin to building a house upon the sand .once the floods of negativity...

John R Passarini Limited Only by Our Thoughts

In May 2001, I received my doctorate in education from Boston University. In 2003, I was named Disney's Outstanding Teacher of the Year. What happened My strong athletic and social skills carried me through elementary school. I was embarrassed by my poor academic skills, but I had good self-esteem, lots of friends, and a positive attitude. Most important, I had clear goals and a strong desire to succeed.

Capacity For Mothering

The capacity for forming relationships and confidence in visualizing self as mother are efficient predictors in anticipating parent-child and child outcomes (Heinicke, in Vol. 3 of this Handbook). A simple self-report measure of the transition to motherhood has been reported Ruble et al. (1990) constructed a questionnaire and completed preliminary psychometric testing on the Childbearing Attitude Questionnaire. This scale contains 16 factors maternal worries, maternal self-confidence, relationship with husband, relationship with mother, body image, identification with pregnancy, feelings about children, negative self-image, attitude toward breast-feeding, pain tolerance, interest in sex, denial, negative aspects of caregiving, feelings of dependency, social boredom, and information seeking. The questionnaire was given at three time points prepregnancy, pregnancy, and postpartum to 51 women. There was a consistency in perception of self and others across the time points, supporting the...

Developing A Treatment Plan

The process of developing a treatment plan involves a logical series of steps that build on each other much like constructing a house. The foundation of any effective treatment plan is the data gathered in a comprehensive evaluation. As part of the process prior to developing the treatment plan, the family counselor must sensitively listen to and understand what the parents struggle with in terms of family dynamics, cognitive abilities, current stressors, social network, physical health and physical challenges, coping skills, self-esteem, extended family support, and so on. It is imperative that assessment data be drawn from a variety of sources that could include family background and social history, physical and mental health evaluations, clinical interviews, psychological testing, psychiatric evaluation consultation, and assessment of the child's school history and records. The integration of the data by the mental health care provider or team is critical for understanding the...

Handle Your Kids the Way the World Will

This feels good to your child because she feels a sense of pride and self-respect that she is able to fix her problem. A caution here do not let her earn back the goodies you took away as a consequence or she will figure that the removal of her goodies is always a temporary state of affairs that can be undone by being good, begging, or acting unhappy. Help your child understand that after she experiences her loss of goodies that you told her would happen, that she may be allowed to earn a special treat afterwards only in those special circumstances when she has expended a lot of extra effort. Do not give her a special treat every time she loses a goodie or she will think she has you all figured out and become manipulative.

Deciding whether your child is ready

This is the single most important consideration in deciding if your child is ready to care for himself. Bear in mind that good decision-making under duress, or during a crisis, is something most young children are developmentally unprepared to do, according to experts. Young children simply don't have the cognitive maturity. Being able to cope in an emergency requires know-how, self-confidence, and a sense of calm. Does your child panic when routines are disrupted If so, this is a sign she may not be ready to handle an emergency alone. Does she know the fundamentals of first aid This is essential for any child home alone.

What Can You Do If Your Child Is a Bully

Help your child use his or her energy and need to dominate in a more positive way, for example, by encouraging him or her to participate in a sport like basketball or soccer, in which one must play by the rules. Explore any particular talents your child may have that can be further developed to enhance his or her self-esteem.

Contexts of Parenting

Infants receive more attention and better care as infants than do laterborn infants (Sulloway, 1997). Mothers engage, respond, stimulate, talk, and express positive affection more to their firstborn babies than to their laterborn babies, even when firstborn and laterborn babies show no differences in their behavior, indicating that these maternal behaviors do not reflect infant effects (Belsky et al., 1984). However, mothers are also prone to rate their firstborn babies as difficult (Bates, 1987), which may derive from the fact that firstborn babies actually are more difficult babies or, alternatively, because first-time mothers are less at ease with their infants and thus tend to perceive them as more demanding. Relatedly, multiparas report higher self-efficacy than primiparas (Fish and Stifter, 1993). Among the more dramatic changes in family dynamics is the one that takes place when a second baby is born (Belsky, Rovine, and Fish, 1991 Mendelson, 1990 Stewart, 1990) consequently,...

Real Moms Resource Guide

Kids Are Worth It Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline, by Barbara Coloroso (New York HarperResource, 2002). Using a combination of compassion and respect when disciplining a child will teach limits without damaging the child's or the parent's self-esteem. Coloroso tackles some of the most difficult topics, from how to teach a toddler the meaning of no to handling a troublesome teen. Good, comforting advice from a fabulous parent educator.

Implications of Father Involvement for Childrens Development

Fathers, and children from parents' role sharing. Most commonly, mothers experience difficulties associated with the physical and time demands of a dual role in Russell's (1983) sample, 60 of the mothers reported this strain. On the positive side, mothers reported increased stimulation as a result of outside employment, greater independence, and increased self-esteem. Fathers have mixed reactions as well, with 48 reporting difficulties associated with the demands the constancy and boredom associated with their full-time caregiving role. On the positive side, 70 of fathers reported that their relationship with their children improved. Other advantages include greater understanding of children, greater awareness of mother-housewife roles, and freedom from career pressures. Although approximately one third of role-sharing parents felt that children improved their relationships with both parents, over one fourth of both parents viewed the mother-child relationship as less strong. In a...

Give to others it boomerangs back to you

Another simple way of building your self-esteem is by giving to others. This works for lots of reasons. Kids like kids who like them. All children love special attention, especially if you show interest in their favourite subject - themselves. Once you do something to make someone else feel good, they are likely to return the compliment or favour and do something for you. When you are friendly, considerate and caring it can boomerang back to you. It may not happen immedi Help your child rebuild his self-esteem so he has energy and confidence to block the bully and communicate at school. Do things together, e.g. cooking, gardening, painting the classroom, camping - it builds self-esteem. Pets (especially dogs) build self-esteem and teach children how to show care and empathy, and develop responsibility they also provide exercise and allow kids to practise social skills at the park with other dogs and their owners. Use feedback to praise your child. Children need praise like a plant...

Healthy bodies make healthy minds

Children need to be healthy to confront it. Many children who are bullied avoid the playground and find refuge in a library or computer room. They don't do enough exercise to remain healthy and to physically release their negative emotions. Some overdose on comfort food and put on weight, which will increase the bullying and decrease their self-esteem.

Noone can put you down except yourself

If you have poor self-esteem, you feel bad about who you are. It's like having a bully living inside you. If you can't respect yourself, then you can't respect others nor can they respect you. If your self-respect is low then it's hard to relate to all types of nice or nasty children. Basically, you let the bully relate to you in the same mean, critical way you relate to yourself.

Social beings survive better

Adults who cope best with the stresses and traumas of life generally have caring, supportive networks. Children with good social skills have more fun, share their problems, work out solutions and obtain group support for their activities and actions. When you belong to a number of groups, you obtain the self-esteem and emotional support you need to cope during stressful times. You aren't alone. Instead of being limited by your own

Learning and life skills camp

Quick take A camp that gives students' the skills to improve their academic standing when returning to the school environment, as well as the self-confidence to speak publicly and take risks. It works for the A student, as well as those less proficient. SuperCamp has been so well received that it is now an international camp. Learning and Life Skills are emphasized. background SuperCamp began in 1981 and provides students with the tools and strategies to improve their school-work. All courses are designed to give kids more self-confidence as they work harder, speak in front of peers, and make decisions. Camps can be found in Massachusetts, California, Colorado, North Carolina, Massachusetts, Hong Kong, Singapore, Mexico, Switzerland, and other locations. description Many academic programs are offered to help students improve their study habits, memorize information faster, and write with greater ease. Other courses teach students how to study and take SAT tests so that their scores...

Mother Who Encourages Independence Cultivates Self Reliance

The Real Benefit for Kids Self-Reliance and Resourcefulness Anne looked at the panic on her daughter's face and knew she needed to help Rachel learn from this experience. After all, making mistakes or getting thrown a few curve balls is a part of life, and Rachel's life was just beginning. Anne had never realized how much pressure her daughter placed on herself to succeed and how little, if any, experience she'd had of getting anything but positive scores. If this is how she responds to missing only two spelling words, what would she do in the future when bigger problems came her way How could she learn to be self-reliant Anne Leedom had the best intentions when she polished up her daughter's homework and coached her so hard for every test. But after that Friday, with those big red pencil marks, Anne realized how important it was for Rachel to know she wasn't perfect and never would be. Children cannot learn to persevere unless they recognize how to deal with imperfection and failure....

Findings from a Longitudinal Study of Family Violence

Exposure to violence and abuse in the home can wreak havoc in the lives of children. Several decades of research have established that family violence and abuse are associated with atypical patterns of social, emotional, and cognitive development, including lower scores on language and intelligence assessments (Coster, Gersten, Beeghly, & Cic-chetti, 1989 Hoffman-Plotkin & Twentyman, 1984 Oates, Peacock, & Forrest, 1984 Trickett, 1993), lower self-esteem (Arata, Langhinrichsen-Rohling, Bowers, & O'Farrill-Swails, 2005 Bolger, Patterson, & Ku-persmidt, 1998 Kim & Cicchetti, 2004), and higher levels of aggression and psychopathology (Connor, Steingard, Cunningham, Anderson, & Melloni, 2004 Downey & Walker, 1992 Herrera & McCloskey, 2003 McCloskey, Figueredo, & Koss, 1995). A long-standing issue in

Behaviour Modification

Whilst medication can play a part in providing 'windows' of attention in order for children with AD HD to learn, these are crutches rather than cures and need to be used alongside some form of behavioural intervention. Personally I dislike the terms 'behaviour modification' or 'behavioural intervention'. As parents, we naturally and automatically carry out these 'interventions' daily - and not only with our AD HD children. However, children with AD HD have often received a diagnosis after several years of conflict with family members, difficulties at school and much negativity. Our job as parents is to avoid that spiral of negativity and devise strategies that work towards changing children's behaviours and building back up their self-esteem. Many children work well with reward schemes such as earning tokens towards a bigger reward (Joe being one ofthem). One thing to remember however is that it is not only the child who needs to learn to change his or her behaviour. As parents, we...

Making a Promise to Yourself

How would you apply the five steps to building self-reliance and a solid work ethic with your family Review all the boxes, guides, tips, and stories in this chapter. 3. Go to A Mother's Promise on page 56 and write in the one thing you will do differently over the next 21 days to help your child become more self-reliant and develop a stronger work ethic.

Teach about the Joy in Being Part of a Larger Community

Your young child should discover that contributing to the welfare of others has many personal rewards. For one thing, helping others is a critical aspect of a person's self-esteem. Serving the needs of your infant and young child makes you feel better about yourself as a parent. Your child has similar feelings. Teach your child that by helping Mommy or Daddy in a million ways every day (hugging, cooperating, loving, etc.) he makes you feel better. This will help him feel better about himself. This reciprocal relationship of giving and getting, receiving and loving back is what builds the positive relationship between parents and their children and people and their communities. This giving and receiving is an important key to one's self-esteem and the reason that helping others feels so good. Teach your child by modeling giving behavior (to your church, synagogue, community center, neighbors, etc.). Teach your child how good a person feels when you experience helping and then receiving...

Putting Principle to Work

Securely attached children have a positive self-image and tend to grow up to be compassionate, empathetic, affectionate, resilient, capable of intimacy, and able to self-regulate their emotions in a healthy way. The following problem behaviors tend to be those that are most affected or worsened if a child lacks a strong sense of safety, feels insecure, or feels a sense of high stress or distress in his life. They can be lessened if one or both parents strive to obtain a more secure attachment with their children. While attending to the two Principles you will learn later in this book may also lessen the intensity of the following problem behaviors, initially pay the most attention to Principle 1, as enhancing your attachment with your child is likely the most effective course to take.

After Infancy Developmentally Based Mothering

It is difficult to discern the changes in mothering over time. Cultural factors, family patterns and traditions, personal beliefs, the presence or absence of risk factors, and the context of the environment all contribute to changes in the mothering role over the child's development. Additionally, the distinctions between mothering and parenting blur as the child ages. Does this mean that mothering ceases and parenting replaces it Does it mean that actual mothering surfaces only as the child's needs demand it What are the defining factors for mothering as opposed to parenting Based on child development factors, mothering should see decreases in the amount of caregiving required and increases in the amount of strategies for enhancing the child's independence and autonomy. In addition, as the child ages, mothering needs to reflect the child's increasing capacity for self-reliance. Table 1.1 describes expectations of mothering in terms of acts of monitoring, expectant nurturing, and...

What causes bullying

John was born in Singapore to aJapanese mother and an American father. He went to preschool in Singapore and then to a Canadian schoolfor a few years. Each time his family relocated to another culture, he felt increasingly different to other children. It was stressful to balance his family's internal cultural conflicts and simultaneously deal with the cultural differences in each school. Then his father was transferred to Australia. Once he entered this new 'rough 'n ready' environment, his low self-esteem attracted the school bullies. His cultural upbringing prevented him from speaking out and obtaining help until he broke down. Parenting is disrupted when there is only one main parent. Separation, divorce, re-partnering and stepsiblings also disrupt traditional parenting and discipline patterns. The child may feel vulnerable, confused, angry, guilty and abandoned. Her self-esteem is lowered and she has less energy to deal with school problems. The child who spends time with both...

The Artists

Although I know my success is a result of the self-confidence my parents gave me, I can't overlook some great teachers who saw my potential. One teacher I had, who at the time was ruthless on my grammar and punctuation, was an English teacher by the name of Dr. Delores Stevens. She saw that I had some talent and just stayed on me, so I would stay with it. She would mark my papers in red ink and at times it looked as if someone had slit their wrists on them. But she wanted me to be my personal best and care about my work and English. I cared. I didn't like it at the time, but now I see that she did me a great service, by not just letting me slide and get by. My dream, for the future is to have my kids grow up healthy and strong with knowledge of self, great self-worth, and self-esteem because parents can't be with their kids 24 7. I feel sorry for kids today they have to grow up much sooner, with a whole lot more stuff than what we had to grow up sexual awareness, drugs. The things...


I like to make butterflies with children who may be lacking in confidence, who have low self-esteem, or children who are selectively mute. Butterflies are a wonderful metaphor for these children because they represent transformation. The stages of metamorphosis also provide metaphors that children relate to. Children with anxiety seem to relate to how safe and secure the caterpillar must feel in the chrysalis. They can easily project their feelings onto the butterfly by talking about what it will be like for the butterfly to leave the chrysalis and enter the world. These are wonderful talking points you can address while creating a butterfly with the child.

Being provoked

You might be feeling highly stressed or angry. Let's face it, children can encounter many difficulties - e.g. personal tragedies such as a car accident, learning difficulties, sexual, emotional or physical abuse - and you may need to release your discomfort by jumping into a fight with the bully. If you are tense, hyperactive, frustrated or irritated, you make good bully fodder. Although it's useful to manipulate a bully to release your frustrations and blame someone else, it can boomerang back. The negative feedback reinforces your poor self-esteem, exacerbates the situation, and you are bullied again. Maybe you decide to ignore the bully, but once the pressure builds, you explode and fight back. This is when teachers who have seen nothing else blame you.

For Parents

Raising Confident Girls 100 Tips for Parents and Teachers, by Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer (Cambridge, Mass. Fisher Books, 2001). Excellent ideas to help your daughter gain authentic self-esteem and feel good about who she is without having to put on false airs. Also by the author for parents of boys Raising Confident Boys 100 Tips for Parents and Teachers, by Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer (Cambridge, Mass. Fisher Books, 2003).

Parental Personality

Perceived self-efficacy is also likely to affect parenting because parents who feel competent are reinforced and thus motivated to engage in further interaction with their infants, which in turn provides them with additional opportunities to read their infants' signals fully, interpret them correctly, and respond appropriately the more rewarding the interaction, the more motivated are parents to seek quality interaction again (Teti and Candelaria, in Vol. 4 of this Handbook).

Financier Economist

Enterprising kids are often overlooked until adulthood. Finding programs that tap into their entrepreneurial spirit will help build resilience and instill self-reliance. These programs start in your own community and are usually implemented in junior high and high school. The Wharton Business School Leadership in Business Program is an example of a program that offers high school seniors the opportunity to attend a camp in which they can explore the field of business and leadership and have fun at the same time.

John R Passarini

Passarini is a phenomenal educator because to him J it all begins with caring and heart. The second you engage nim in conversation, he teaches by example that if you respect people for who they are, it enhances their self-esteem. That's who John Passarini is John R. Passarini has been a teacher for 34 years. He holds an EdD in Special Education. He taught physical education and health in the Waltham Public Schools for 18 years, and founded the Waltham High School wrestling team, which he coached for 13 years. For the past 16 years John has taught adapted physical education in the Wayland Public Schools. He is in the process of retiring from teaching with the goal of becoming an educational consultant.


Up, but once he has taken his tablet the words go in properly and he understands them better. The difference medication has made for Joe has been tremendous. I still have my loveable little livewire who does crazy dances at 4am, but we now have the chance to work hard together in order for Joe to learn to recognize that there are consequences to his actions, and to work on his behavioural schemes that are so important. Joe's self-esteem has been increased tenfold and the whole family is benefiting from this new and improved Joe. I deliberately didn't tell the school for two weeks when he started so that I could know for sure whether they truly saw a difference in him. Two weeks after starting his medication, Joe won his first ever certificate at school for 'star of the week for improved concentration' - proof indeed.

My Child Is Being

It is important that you do not try to explain away your child's problems and hope that they will go away by themselves. It has been clearly documented that bullying can negatively impact a child's formative years as well as later adult life. Research suggests that systematic bullying can leave deep psychological scars which can lead to depressive attitudes and a tendency toward negative self-image, even years after the bullying has ended.

Who Bullies

It has often been presumed that bullies are anxious and unsure of themselves underneath their tough surface. However, research finds that bullies are characterized by either unusually low or about average levels of anxiety and insecurity. Their self-image is also about average or even relatively positive.

Who Gets Bullied

Characteristically rather careful and sensitive from an early age. Having this kind of personality (possibly in addition to physical weakness) may have made it difficult for them to assert themselves in their group of playmates, which may have contributed to these boys becoming victims of bullying. At the same time, it is obvious that long-term bullying probably increased their anxiety, insecurity, and negative self-image. They are unsure of themselves and have poor self confidence (negative self-image).

Individual Factors

This is all part of what Berman (1987) calls the social scripts that girls and boys develop long before they are 5 years old. It is likely that parenting or caregiving scripts are assembled in a gradual but discontinuous manner throughout childhood, and it is reasonable to believe that these early scripts may be precursors of and contributors to scripts generated in adulthood (Berman 1987, p. 49). Parenting scripts are in turn related to self-efficacy, the feeling that we can successfully tackle a certain task. As our sense of self-efficacy in a particular activity increases, the more we are likely to continue investing time and effort in that activity (Bandura, 1997). According to Rose and Halverson (1996), differences in childhood opportunities provided to girls and boys contribute to later differences in parental self-efficiency for men and women.


You are being assertive when you identify your feelings, such as feeling safe, comfortable or threatened. You check if you are feeling happy, sad, angry or scared. Then you work out when and how to release these feelings. You listen to your gut feelings to protect yourself, then show signs of friendliness, use direct 'I' statements when suitable (see Chapter 11), ask for help or release your bad feelings in constructive ways, e.g. sport. You use self-respect to protect yourself, without being disrespectful or destructive to others. You use assertiveness skills like an emotional sunscreen. Assertive children use their power effectively to create a win-win situation.

Class topics

Students can discuss the harm caused by bullying, focusing upon the physical, psychological, academic, social and self-esteem damage. See Chapter 8, 'Thefeelings formula' (pp.137-46) Chapter 10, 'The three essential steps to good self-esteem (pp.168 79 includes lots of exercises) and all of Chapter 13.

Its my fault

Some children are oblivious to the bullying culture. They believe they deserve to be bullied because they are not good enough for the peer group. Some feel ashamed to involve their parents, and guilty when they upset them. This increases the self-blame game and further lowers their self-esteem.


Some families pretend to the world - and themselves - that they are normal. They gloss over or minimise their own or their children's problems. They deny marital difficulties - 'It's none of their business' - or schoolwork problems - 'The teacher has a problem.' Although parents want to protect their child, their actions proclaim, 'I must protect you because you have problems'. Children aren't stupid they identify the cover-up message and, as always, blame themselves, which lowers their self-confidence even further. If parents say, 'We deal with our problems at home', it teaches children to remain silent about problems, even bullying.

Genetic factors

Nicole had difficulty reading even the blackboard was hard to see. She had learning difficulties, her self-esteem was poor, and kids excluded her. Eventually one teacher became suspicious and suggested to her parents that she have an eye test. Once she was given glasses, her schoolwork improved and she learnt how to stop being bullied.

ReaL moms secret

These moms focus on ways to cultivate their children's natural strengths, skills, and talents and don't stress their weaknesses. The lesson their acceptance teaches their kids is the kind of powerful influence that nurtures a bounce-back attitude, hopefulness, and positive self-esteem. And they are the exact same traits any child needs to handle life with confidence and optimism.

Planner Focus

Interventions have been designed to offer the family counselor a variety of workable, constructive, and meaningful strategies to improve the parent's ability to relate to the child in a positive, loving manner while setting limits and encouraging responsible behavior using various techniques of positive discipline. The emphasis is always on enhancing the independence and personal competency of the child, regardless of the type or intensity of the treatment issue. The interventions target the parent's and the child's functioning in the family, social settings, and the community. Reality-based therapeutic interventions are offered to strengthen the parent's role in directing the child's growth in social skills development, personal responsibility, self-esteem, self-control, academic achievement, and preparation for future independence.


The inability to concentrate or sustain attention for any length oftime is undoubtedly the most disabling part of AD HD or ADD. It often appears that children with AD HD or ADD have associated learning difficulties and whilst this is true in some cases, in many others it is the inability to concentrate long enough to learn that causes the difficulties. These difficulties have far reaching consequences and can spread into every area of life and indeed, throughout the whole of someone's life. More and more evidence suggests that AD HD is not merely a childhood disorder but a very real difference in the way someone thinks and learns - a lifelong condition. Children having such problems with concentrating, and thus learning, can often suffer from low self-esteem and consider themselves to be 'thick' as they frequently achieve less than their peers both socially and academically. It is imperative, therefore, to pick up these problems as early as possible and give the right support in order...

Eating disorders

In addition, more and more research is producing both qualitative and quantative evidence to indicate that there is a link between eating disorders and autism, and although the research is by no means conclusive, I for one am not taking any chances and do all I can to ensure my children's mental and physical well-being. Teenagers in particular need their self-confidence boosting frequently and I make sure, as much as I can (a virtually impossible task ), that the boys know that any personal comments about the girls' appearance should aim to be positive and the girls know that any comments made by the boys are not meant to be derogatory. I quietly watch for any warning signs and talk clearly and honestly about the dangers of taking exercise, dieting or anything else to excess. I also make sure they understand that 'different is cool' and the variety of shapes and sizes, colours and differences all serve to make the world a much richer and fuller place in which to live.

Different is cool

His peers are increasingly beginning to accept him for who he is his self-acceptance evident to them all. Though he is looked upon as 'odd', his beauty and skill is shining through in more walks of life than just at home - for me a long overdue event. Perversely enough however, Luke loathes the attention. He has a mobile phone but yet hates the unpredictability of it, never knowing when it is going to ring. He hates being phoned at home and interrupted from his beloved computer.

Count your blessings

After a gruelling parents' evening at which I struggled to maintain my teenage daughters' flagging confidence and self-esteem in the face ofa slating from her teachers, I drove her home, all the while maintaining a balance between firm and advisory, and supportive and sympathetic. I listened to poor Rachel's tales of woe and whilst I truly feel for the teenagers, under so much stress with work and peer pressure, I still arrived home tired and weary of being an emotional prop, and feeling just a tad sorry for myself. It was late. I had been up since 3.00am with Ben. However on entering the house, my spirits were lifted to the point of elation. Why, you might ask Simply because as I walked through the door with a despondent Rachel, I was met with the sound of silence At 10 00pm, both Joe and Ben were asleep - a previously unheard of occurrence. How many people can experience such euphoria at something so simple

Anger and Defiance

Mary care provider and the child (as discussed in Principle 1). Under these circumstances, almost every part of a child's identity, self-worth, and emotional base emanates from anger. In such a state, toddlers and preschoolers may redirect their anger into aggression toward other targets, such as peers or siblings. Perpetually angry young children are often a signal to a family that the family as a whole is holding a lot of anger. Parents who think of their child as always bad or always angry should look at their family situation. By looking within yourself and your spouse, you may find ways to make necessary adjustments. We will cover this in much more detail in Chapter 10.


Attachment behaviors (crying, clinging, searching, calling, crawling, etc.) allow the child to monitor the whereabouts of and obtain a close proximity to his primary caregiver. These are most highly activated when a child is not physically close to the primary caregiver at a time when he feels distressed or in danger. How the caregiver responds to a child's attachment behaviors will determine whether a child develops a secure or insecure attachment with his caregiver. The type of attachment the child develops will dramatically affect his self-esteem, morals, mental capacity, personality characteristics, emotions, behaviors, relationships with others, and actual brain chemistry. A child who has a good attachment learns to trust his family and the world enough to grow


These programs expose teens to areas that might otherwise go unacknowledged. The talent of these children is often unappreciated until they enter their desired professions. These programs offer them the opportunity for earlier recognition and may help to build their self-esteem.

Ocean camp

Quick take This award-winning program takes place on water and is so full of information that it is the equivalent of a high school semester. Young adults take the reins in learning how to operate a boat, while keeping up with the studies they would be taking at their high schools. It's character building, challenging, demanding, and exciting. The result is an experience that enables children to realize their abilities and to develop a sense of self-confidence that will stay with them throughout life. What makes this program even more exciting are the awesome locations one can choose to explore. This is an amazing experience for any student with real dreams of maritime pursuits or a student with a sense of adventure who enjoys a significant challenge.