Is This Real Moms Secret Part of Your Parenting

It's perfectly fine to let your children know how proud you are of their endeavors. But if you always pile on the praise only for their final products (the score, the grade, the results), your children may pick up the wrong message: that all you care about is if they won, how they measured up against the other kids, or whether they took home the grand prize. What gets overlooked is your children's effort, the hard work, or the need for your encouragement when things don't always turn out perfectly. And believe me, those are the very lessons they'll need bouncing back from those inevitable hard knocks of life. So let's start by helping you recognize just how often you use this powerful secret in your family.

1. What are your priorities with your kids? Does overcompet-itiveness seem to be a part of your natural temperament? How long have you noticed this in yourself? What about when you were growing up? Did your parents emphasize a competitive, win-lose concept or try to temper your quest to excel at everything? Was it effective?

2. Here are some other things to consider about your behavior. Check ones that might apply to you:

□ Are you using your child to compensate for your own frustrated hopes and dreams?

□ Is the emphasis in your family all on win-win-win?

□ Do you praise, reinforce, and reward victory, and punish defeat?

□ Is your child trying to live up to your expectations? Are those expectations realistic?

□ Are you living in a community that is highly competitive, status oriented, and keenly ambitious?

□ Is your family in a one-down position that makes your kid (or you) feel that he has to be the best at something to get that scholarship and succeed in life?

□ Would your kids say that winning is the only way to gain your acceptance and approval?

3. Start listening to your interactions with your children. On the whole, would you say you are usually more affirming or negative to your kids? Researchers found that parents typically say eighteen negative comments for every affirming one to their children. How many negative comments do you think you say to your kids each day? Some moms actually track their performance for three to five days by keeping a running total of their daily negative statements. The point is, if you really want to change and become more affirming with your children, you must recognize how positive or critical you are with them right now. Is there one thing you can do to help you remember to acknowledge your child's efforts more? By simply counting your comments each day, you can test how you are doing with this secret and determine if you are improving your behavior. Are you affirming your child's efforts? Write it on the lines here. Then get ready to learn the secret and use it with your family.

Joy Of Modern Parenting Collection

Joy Of Modern Parenting Collection

This is a collection of parenting guides. Within this collection you will find the following titles: Issues, rule and discipline, self esteem and tips plus more.

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