Chapter Three Why Being a Sacrificial Mom Is Bad for Your Kids

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U.S. surgeon general warns that 13 percent of kids nine to seventeen suffer from anxiety disorders: C. Kalb, "Troubled Souls," Newsweek, Sept. 22, 2003, p. 69.

43 percent of teens feel stress every day: survey conducted in 2003 by Liberty Mutual and Students Against Destructive Decisions/Drunk Driving; cited in P. J. Kiger, "'What's Wrong with This Picture?' Ladies Home Journal Special Report (Part Four): The Stressed-Out American Family," Ladies Home Journal, June 2004, pp. 126-133.

46 percent of parents said kids' biggest emotional issues were coping with stress and dealing with depression: P. McGraw, Family First: Your Step-by-Step Plan for Creating a Phenomenal Family (New York: Free Press, 2004), p. 182.

One-third of adolescents say they "worry a lot," and nearly half say they have trouble sleeping due to stress: poll of 725 adolescents ages nine to twelve, conducted in 1999 by Georgia Witkin, Ph.D., director of the Stress Program at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City; cited in Kiger, "'What's Wrong with This Picture?'" p. 128.

83 percent of kids say they're stressed about homework; 57 percent say parental relationship causes them stress (Mount Sinai Stress Program poll): cited in Kiger, "'What's Wrong with This Picture?'" p. 131.

Suicide rate in teens has increased 30 percent. Cited by a 2001 Department of Health and Human Services report. Also: cited in Kiger, "'What's Wrong with This Picture?'" p. 132.

Suicide rates for children and teens tripled from 1962 to 1995: M. Elias, "Kids and Depression: Are Drugs the Answer?" USA Today, Nov. 30, 1999, p. 2A.

National survey shows college students so depressed that it was difficult for them to function: R. D. Kadison and T. F. Di-Geronimo, College of the Overwhelmed: The Campus Mental Health Crisis and What to Do About It (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2004).

60 percent of youth want more time with parent: Nickelodeon/Time poll of 1,172 children ages six to fourteen in twenty-five U.S. cities, interviewed one-on-one without their parents; conducted by Pen, Schoen and Berland Associates. Cited in C. Wallis, "The Kids Are Alright," Time, July 5, 1999, p. 58.

References l 273

Our kids want relaxed time with us: E. Galinsky, "Do Working Parents Make the Grade?" Newsweek, Aug. 30, 1999, p. 55.

More than two in five kids feel that their time with moms is rushed; calm mothers get a better grade: survey of a representative group of more than one thousand children in grades 3-12 to evaluate their parents who were employed and to evaluate children of working mothers in twelve areas strongly linked to children's healthy development, school readiness, and school success; Galinsky, "Do Working Parents Make the Grade?" pp. 52-56.

Kids appreciate what we do, but want more relaxed time with us: survey of eighty-four thousand students in grades 6-12, conducted in fall 2000 on the USA Today Web site or through survey partner Cable in the Classroom; results interpreted by W. Damon, "The Gap Generation," USA Weekend, Apr. 27-29, 2001, p. 9.

One in three kids has stress-related ailments: H. Parlapiano, "Stress in Kids," Parents, Feb. 2004, pp. 133-135.

Anxiety rates in children: J. S. Dacey and L. B. Fiore, Your Anxious Child (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2000), pp. 2-3.

Statistics on homework, unstructured children's activities, family dinners, and vacations cited in A. Rosenfeld, M. F. Small, and R. Coles, "Voice of the People" (letter), Chicago Tribune (Online Edition),, Aug. 21, 2004.

Statistics on decline in free time and playtime: Six Flags, "Today Is the Time for Playtime: The Facts on Today's Family" (press release),, Mar. 19, 2004.

Recess abolished: O. S. Jarrett, "Recess in Elementary School: What Does the Research Say?" ERIC Digest, http://www, Feb. 2003.

Quotation of parent to Elisabeth Krents at Dal ton School: P. Wingert, "Plight of the Preschoolers: How Do They Beat the Odds?" Newsweek, May 15, 2000, p. 76.

MetLife survey of U.S. teachers cited in N. Gibbs, "Parents Behaving Badly," Time, Feb. 21, 2005, p. 42.

Two-thirds of high school students cheat on exams, yet 93 percent agree it's important to be a person with good character: survey of 24,763 high school students conducted by the Josephson Institute of Ethics, reported in "2004 Report Card: The Ethics of American Youth," Survey2004.

Teacher liability insurance has jumped 25 percent in five years: Gibbs, "Parents Behaving Badly," p. 48.

Youth sports programs in 163 cities require pledge of civility from parents: S. Smith, "Is the Choice Sportsmanship or Death?" Knight-Ridder/Tribune Information Services, www, July 23, 2000. (Also available from IYD, P.O. Box 150, Washington, D.C., 20041.)

70 percent of kids drop out of sports by age thirteen: cited in S. Gaines, "Do We Push Kids Too Hard?" Better Homes and Gardens, Mar. 2000, pp. 94-96.

"We need to prepare our kids . . .": D. Kindlon, Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent World (New York: Hyperion, 2001), p. 9.

Two out of three parents say kids measure self-worth by possessions: cited in M. Elias, "Ads Targeting Kids," USA Today, Mar. 22, 2000, p. D5.

More than 80 percent of people think American kids are spoiled: AOL Time Warner poll cited in N. Gibbs, "Who's in Charge Here?" Time, Aug. 6, 2001, pp. 40-49.

Two-thirds of parents admit their kids are spoiled (from survey of 1,078 affluent parents nationwide): Kindlon, Too Much of a Good Thing, p. 197.

75 percent of parents say kids do fewer chores: cited in P. Tyre, J. Scelfo, and B. Kantrowitz, "The Power of No," Newsweek, Sept. 13, 2004, p. 45.

73 percent of parents say today's kids are too focused on buying and consuming: cited in Tyre, Scelfo, and Kantrowitz, "The Power of No," p. 46.

"The body cannot learn to adapt . . .": D. Kindlon, quoted by Gibbs, "Who's in Charge Here?" p. 46.

Statistics from the Josephson Institute of Ethics regarding cheating, stealing, lying, and satisfaction with character: "2004 Report Card,"

"What these parents don't realize . . .": Kadison and DiGeron-imo, College of the Overwhelmed, p. 5.

Parents hovering through college: J. Mathews, "Parents Casting a Shadow over College Applicant: Campuses Try Student-Only Tours," Washington Post, July 10, 2004, p. A01.

College kids need "parentectomies": H. E. Marano, "The Pressure from Parents," Psychology Today, Mar. 2004.

"If your son or daughter is in college . . .": Kadison and Di-Geronimo, College of the Overwhelmed, p. 1.

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