Identify long- and short-term personal and family goals and create a plan for their attainment. (1, 2)
Access community agencies that provide social, financial, and medical assistance. (3, 4)
1. Meet with the parents to take a family history, clarify family issues and concerns and identify immediate financial, social, and emotional needs.
2. Assist the parents in planning for long- and short-term goal attainment (or assign the "Achieving Family Goals" activity from the Parenting Skills Homework Planner by Knapp).
3. Assist the parents in developing a plan for obtaining needed assistance and services by asking them to describe any problems that may interfere (e.g., transportation, day-care, appropriate clothing) and assist
3. Attend a class focused on teaching effective parenting skills. (5)
4. Attend a class focused on teaching reading skills. (6)
5. Increase involvement in community-based groups. (7)
6. Attend school conferences and participate in other programs sponsored by the child's school. (8, 9)
7. Insist that the child attend school on a regular basis and cooperate with the school rules and discipline structure. (10, 11)
in planning to overcome these hurdles.
4. Refer the parents to agencies that provide social, financial, and medical services (e.g., public assistance, food stamps, Medicaid, head start) and help them access these resources.
5. Refer the parents to a school or community-sponsored parenting class (e.g., Becoming a Love and Logic Parent by Fay, Cline, and Fay) to acquire techniques of positive discipline to use with the child.
6. Instruct the parents to attend a school- or community-sponsored literacy class.
7. Assign the parents to attend community or school sponsored forums for discussion of school and community issues (e.g., neighborhood political action groups, church-sponsored social groups).
8. Assign the parents to attend all regularly scheduled school conferences for their child.
9. Instruct the parents to express their willingness to participate in school events (e.g., Parent Teacher Association meetings) to establish a familiar and positive relationship with the child's teachers and other educational staff.
10. Instruct the parents to demonstrate an emphasis on the importance of education insisting that the child attend school on a regular basis and requiring a personal best level of performance.
11. Assign the parents to brainstorm with the child how school rules differ from family or "street" rules and discuss the necessity of adhering to different rules in different situations (or assign the "Different Rules for Home and School" activity from the Parenting Skills Homework Planner by Knapp).
12. Instruct the parents to support the school staff in implementing a positive system of discipline that incorporates logical consequences that are individually designed to teach appropriate and responsible behavior.
13. Monitor relationships between the parent, child and the educational staff at the child's school to encourage connectedness and trust.
14. Brainstorm with the parents a list of role models, mentors, and extended family or community members available to support the achievement of personal and career goals.
15. Teach the parents to set personal goals by recording daily, weekly, and monthly objectives in a personal journal and listing steps necessary to achieve each objective.
16. Assist the parents in assessing career goals and planning a job search strategy or training curriculum consistent with these goals.
Establish a cooperative relationship with staff members at the child's school. (12, 13)
9. Establish career goals, mentors, and role models to assist in the transition from welfare to work. (14, 15)
10. Enroll in educational classes or training programs to enhance marketable skills and increase opportunities for employment. (16, 17)
11. Participate in substance abuse prevention and wellness programs at school or in the community. (18, 19)
12. Participate in substance abuse or psychological assessment and treatment services for self and/or the child. (20, 21)
13. Identify future family-planning goals and create a plan for their attainment. (22, 23)
17. Instruct the parents to encourage their child to enroll in school-sponsored community-based instruction or school to career programs designed to provide employment skills and work experience for students.
18. Refer the parents to a support group (e.g., FAST, Families and Schools Together [The Alliance for Children and Families]) to strengthen the parent-child relationship, build a partnership between parents and the school and community, and to provide ongoing encouragement for the parents and the child.
19. Instruct the parents to support the child's participation in substance abuse prevention programs presented at school as part of the K-12 curriculum.
20. Refer the parents and the child if necessary to community programs or services addressing substance abuse (e.g., Alcoholics Anonymous, Alanon, psychiatric hospitals).
21. Discuss lifestyle choices with the parents during counseling sessions and support and encourage healthy choices.
22. Assist the parents in determining future parental and family goals and to develop a plan for preventing unplanned pregnancies.
23. Brainstorm with the parents the negative economic impact of another pregnancy and the positive effects of postponing additional pregnancies until
14. Participate in family-planning and child development classes provided by local medical facilities or community clinics. (24)
15. Implement strategies of positive discipline that help the child develop responsible behavior. (25, 26)
16. Implement discipline strategies that encourage independence and self-reliance in the child. (27, 28)
the family becomes self-supporting.
24. Refer the parents to community clinics, church programs, or medial workshops that focus on family planning, prenatal self-care, birthing classes, and infant child care to acquire the skills necessary for family planning and mastering their role as parents.
25. Assign the parents to remain respectful when disciplining by focusing on the behavior and not the child and by letting the child know that, although the deed is not acceptable, the doer remains loved unconditionally.
26. Instruct the parents to implement the "Four Steps to Responsibility": (1) Assign chores and tasks to the child; (2) Expect some noncompliance; (3) Issue a logical consequence for the noncompliance; (4) Give the same task again to check for learning (see Parenting with Love and Logic by Cline and Fay).
27. Instruct the parents to teach the child the skill of completing a large task by dividing it into smaller more manageable tasks (e.g., making a bed: smooth the sheets, pull up the covers, place the pillow, put on the spread) and then engage the child in completing the step-by-step process.
28. Ask parents to use the Statement, "Check Yourself" (e.g., "This is sharing day at
17. Use conflict-resolution and problem-solving skills to address economic, family, and social issues. (29, 30)
18. Reframe negative self-talk into positive realistic messages. (31, 32)
school, check yourself to make sure you have what you need when it's your turn to share.") to help the child develop the ability to prepare successfully for upcoming events (see Parent Talk by Moorman).
29. Teach parents to use a simple problem-solving process to deal with issues of concern that involves: stating the problem, listing potential solutions, listing the pros and cons of each solution, choosing an action to deal with the situation, and evaluating the result.
30. Teach a conflict resolution process for parents to use in resolving personal disputes and in mediating disputes involving their child (e.g., (1) Find a private place to talk, (2) discuss the problem with out judging, (3) brainstorm possible solutions, (4) agree on a solution that works for both, and (5) try the solution and agree to renegotiate if it is not effective).
31. Assist the parents in identifying their propensity for negative self-talk by reviewing situations in which the they have felt anxious, inferior, or rejected; reframe their thinking into more positive, realistic self-talk.
32. Brainstorm positive statements of and encouragement that could be used by the parents to affirm the child; assign the parents to use these statements to positively reinforce the child at least five to ten times daily.
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Although nobody gets a parenting manual or bible in the delivery room, it is our duty as parents to try to make our kids as well rounded, happy and confident as possible. It is a lot easier to bring up great kids than it is to try and fix problems caused by bad parenting, when our kids have become adults. Our children are all individuals - they are not our property but people in their own right.