Smart Parenting Guide

Confident Kids

Confident Kids

Although nobody gets a parenting manual or bible in the delivery room, it is our duty as parents to try to make our kids as well rounded, happy and confident as possible. It is a lot easier to bring up great kids than it is to try and fix problems caused by bad parenting, when our kids have become adults. Our children are all individuals - they are not our property but people in their own right.

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Smart Parenting Guide

This ebook from Daniel Dwase gives you the very best tips and information about how to raise your children in such a way as to get smart, responsible, caring, and loving children. If you have problems disciplining your children, this is the book for you. You don't have to be concerned about your children running amok; Dwase gives you the insight that you need to make sure that your children turn out well in the end. This ebook lets you give your child the best gift that you ever could: a loving, nurturing, healthy and loving childhood. By building a quality relationship with them, you will be able to raise a child that continues that relationship into adulthood. Building a quality relationship is the best way to give your child a healthy future and a loving family. You will both empower your child to succeed and reduces behavioral problems Start building your child's future today!

Smart Parenting Guide Summary


4.6 stars out of 11 votes

Contents: Ebook
Author: Daniel Dwase
Price: $27.00

My Smart Parenting Guide Review

Highly Recommended

Recently several visitors of websites have asked me about this ebook, which is being promoted quite widely across the Internet. So I ordered a copy myself to figure out what all the fuss was about.

All the modules inside this e-book are very detailed and explanatory, there is nothing as comprehensive as this guide.

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Single parenting today

The demands of raising children on your own, combined with the responsibility of holding down a job, may leave you little time to step back and reflect on how you and your children are doing. You may feel tired, frazzled, and you may wonder how you'll manage it all work and personal responsibilities, time with your children, time for yourself, time for other relationships. You may feel guilty for not raising your children in a home with two parents present. As you cope with these and the many other issues described in this booklet, it may help to remember that you are hardly alone. Twenty-six percent of children in the U.S. today are being raised by a single parent, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Twelve million American families are headed by a single parent, and more than 2.4 million grandparents and other relatives are raising children in this country. In Canada, more than 1 million children (one in five) were reported living with a single parent in 2001, and that number is...

For family child care and centers

Worth taking the time and effort to straighten out small disagreements. Your employee resource program's child care consultant can help you think through an approach. If no law or regulation is violated, there often will be no legal action you can take. And if the conflict becomes overwhelming and cannot be resolved, you will have to seek another provider.

Step Help Kids Face Their Fears Not Avoid Them Through Manipulation

If your child is using manipulation to avoid something causing anxiety or fear, don't be too quick to let her off the hook. First, think things through. If she is capable of the task and the expectation is fair and reachable, then do not give in. That would be a huge mistake. Instead, insist that she face her fear. A big part of life is learning how to cope, and childhood is the best time to learn how. Do not dismiss your child's fear or punish her for it.The fear is very real. Instead, comfort her by acknowledging that you understand how she feels.Then let her know you believe in her and are confident she can succeed. Be very clear that you will not rescue her, but will help her cope until she prevails. Here are a few ideas to help her face her fears without manipulating her way out Model accepting blame. Help your kid learn how to accept blame for her actions. Start by admitting your own shortcomings so your kids have a model to copy for example This was all my fault I should have...

Paying for child care

Child care is one of the four major expenses of working families, after housing, food, and taxes. It's important to understand the federal tax credits both the Child and Dependent Care Credit and the Earned Income Credit and to learn about any public or private financial help for which you might be eligible. A consultant at the program that sent you this booklet can give you more information about these credits. You can also The federal government gives you a credit for child care on your personal income tax. This credit is equal to 20-30 of your child care expenses, up to 2,400 for one child, or 4,800 for two or more children. To qualify, you must have earned income and the child care must be provided for a child under the age of thirteen so that you (and your spouse, if you are married) may work or look for work. Additional qualifications may apply, so be sure to review IRS requirements fully. These two federal tax credits the Child and Dependent Care Credit and the Earned Income...

When should I start looking for child care

When you are looking for child care, timing can be important. If you start too early, your arrangements may fall through or no longer fit your needs when you're ready to start care. If you start too late, you may not find the openings you need. The right time to start looking generally depends on several different things, including your child's age, the care that is available in your area, and how much time you can devote to your search. Family child care providers, who offer care in their own homes, may not know very far in advance if they will have an opening. In most areas, six to eight weeks before you need the care is enough time to find a provider. Some providers will not even meet with parents who are looking for care more than two months ahead of time. Child care centers generally have contracts with families and know how many openings they will have about a year in advance. Fulltime openings for infants and toddlers are generally limited, and part-time openings are even...

Keep your child informed about when youre available to help

Let your family know in advance about any projects, meetings, out-of-town trips, and obligations you have coming up. You may want to hang up a calendar on which both adults and kids pencil in important dates. That way, kids can plainly see when you're free and plan their requests for help accordingly. (This kind of coordination can take a little effort But eventually, with experience, your child will learn not to expect help searching for information on a project on an evening when you're scheduled to do something else )

Recognizing quality child care

When looking for child care for the first time, it can be hard to know what to look for and ask about. You'll need to find care you can afford and that covers the hours you need to work, of course. But you also need to find care that's good for your child and that you trust. Research into child care quality has identified a handful of key factors that you can use to weigh the quality of your child care options. Child adult ratio (the number of children per adult in a child care arrangement). This ratio is important because it has a direct impact on how much individual attention your child receives and how well his needs are met. Most experts feel that one family child care provider should care for no more than six children (a ratio of 6 1), and no more than two of those children should be under the age of 15 months. In child care centers, the recommended ratio for children under the age of 15 months is 3 1, and should never be more that 4 1. The people who give the care. Whether...

Family child care homes

You'll want to meet any family child care providers you're seriously considering and see their homes. Before you call a provider, read over the Questions that follow this section. Try to get a feel for the things that might be most important to you and your child, and jot down any extra questions you want to ask. When you make your call, try asking one or two important questions over the phone. If you like what you hear, agree on a time when you can visit the provider's home. Make a copy of the Questions for each family child care provider you'll be interviewing. When you go for your visit, take your Questions with you. If you jot down some quick notes about the provider's answers and your own impressions during your visit, and then fill out your notes later while your visit is still fresh in your mind, it will help you keep things straight when you're making your important decision about care.

Accept Your Childs Emerging Independence

While your child comes from both of his parents, he is also developing into his own being with his own dreams, aspirations, and goals that are likely different from yours. You must be willing to feel separate from your child in order to be able to help him in the best way possible. If your own life is full and you are secure in your identity, it is much easier to hold the following truth close to your heart I have my own life that is separate from my child's and right now I am sharing my life with my child. There's a metaphor I use to help people envision their parenting role and the amount of connection they have with their child. When your child is born, she begins life still connected to her mother through an umbilical cord. For the next few months, you have ultimate control over her every activity and she has no freedoms in her life. The umbilical cord connection between you is still short. In her toddler and preschooler years, the umbilical cord begins to lengthen. During her...

Being sensitive to your childs needs

Your young child depends on you completely. His fear of a new person coming into the family is real and deserves your sympathy, even though you might also feel impatient. Your child is wondering, How will this affect me You need to give constant reassurance. One mother started dating, and after her fourth date with the same man her 7-year-old son asked, Why are you going out with him again Last night I dreamed you got married and had a new baby and forgot about me. While your children are your first and foremost priority, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy a personal life. It's understandable to want the company of another adult to whom you are attracted. Keep in mind that dating is a time of exploration and fun for you not a daddy-or mommy-shopping venture. Make sure you're ready. Broach the topic of dating with your child before you actually start seeing someone. For example, you can say that you met a new friend with whom you are planning to have dinner. Don't introduce this person...

Older babies and toddlers Helping your child learn to sleep

Between the ages of 6 and 18 months, most babies can sleep for 10 to 11 hours at night, and for 3 to 4 hours during the day, usually in 2 or 3 naps. (Older babies often get all their daytime sleep in a single nap.) Keep in mind that even a baby who sleeps through the night will wake up briefly every 4 hours or so. Whether your child needs you with her to fall asleep at bedtime, or to get back to sleep when she wakes up during the night, can depend on how you help her get to sleep. A bedtime routine that depends on your being there rocking your child to sleep or nursing her as she falls asleep makes you part of the falling How you get your child to sleep at night is a very personal decision, and sometimes one that's difficult to make. All parents want to do what's best for their children and their families, but it's not always clear what that is. What follows is a strategy for teaching your child to get to sleep by herself. You might want to use it every time your child sleeps, or you...

Give Your Child What He Needs Not What He Wants

Parents often incorrectly believe that if they don't give their children everything they want, they are depriving them. Loving authority figures want their children to be happy. It is essential, however, to think of your child's wants as entirely different from her needs. She needs the things covered by Principles 1 and 2 touch, eye contact, dedicated time, and appropriate discipline. Give her as much of this as you can. Wants are another issue entirely. Give her something when you believe she has shown you the goods and you think it is appropriate to grant a goodie. This does not mean, though, that you are obligated to grant every one of her wants when she behaves well. In fact, if you do this, your child's personality will suffer. Overindulged children have been given too much or have been given into too often. Giving your child extra time as a goodie (an entire day at the pool, playing with them for an extended period in the backyard, time with them...

Step Help Your Child Have Empathy for Her Victims Feelings

Unless she learns to consider the other person's feelings and needs and recognize the discomfort or hurt her unkindness caused the recipient, the attitude is likely to continue. Here are a few questions that help kids reflect on the impact their unkind actions had on their victim's feelings

Ongoing Parental Involvement Is Key to Your Childs Healthy Development

Laurence Steinberg is one of the country's most distinguished psychologists, a professor of psychology at Temple University, and author of The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting. He says, The strongest and most consistent predictor of children's mental health, adjustment, happiness, and well-being is the level of involvement of their parents in their life. Children with involved parents do better in school, feel better about themselves, are less likely to develop emotional problems, and are less likely to take risks or get into trouble. There is nothing more important to your child's psychological development than your deep and sustained involvement. This is true whether your child is an infant, a teenager, or at any point in between. versation with one of my sons before school was just certain to create friction. I swear the kid didn't physically wake up until noon. I also realized that the best time was at 4 30 P.M. in front of the refrigerator. And that's exactly where I placed...

Four Steps to Restoring a Healthy and Loving Relationship with Your Child

Here are a few ideas to help you get started in making a healthy and loving relationship become a reality. Your goal is to reestablish a relationship with your child. Eventually you can dream of spending a happy weekend together. At the present you want to reopen your relationship and get him to open up for a minute or two longer. So think brief no lectures get real. Step One Find the Best Time to Approach Your Child. When is the one time your child is a bit more receptive Preadolescents and teens, for instance, are almost always in different time zones than adults. I finally realized that trying to have a serious con-

Planning your childs homealone day

For your home-alone plan to work, you and your child will need to set up a clear plan for how your child's day will be spent. You want to strike a balance between giving your child a reasonable degree of freedom and setting limits. You will want to talk about privileges and responsibilities, play time and work time. You will also need to go over ground rules and expectations. Remember that most children need a lot of help and guidance learning to structure their free time. The more clear and explicit you are with your child, the happier you all will be. Sit down and decide together what your child will be expected to do while you are away. This is the time to go over household responsibilities, caring for a family pet, homework rules, and rules about watching a younger sibling. What will your child's privileges be Will he be allowed to watch TV Use the computer and the Internet Talk for long stretches on the telephone As you help your child organize and plan his time alone, try to...

Handle Your Kids the Way the World Will

Being real means you teach your child that he is not the center of the universe. If you have a child who demands too much, ask yourself, Is he this way because I am afraid to have him not love me Parents must not expect that their children will like them every minute of every day. Parents who need approval, acceptance, or adoration from their children all the time are in for real trouble. These parents are often afraid to deny their child's requests for fear of angering or hearing the dreaded words, Then I won't love you. Love begotten through bribery or blackmail is not genuine. Parents should never beg for their child's love, or try to placate their child by being overly permissive just so he won't be mad at me. If you think this might apply to you, read Chapter 10 about healing your own wounds. Remember that there are two types of love fundamental love and affectionate love. Remind your child that your fundamental love for her is forever, solid, unwavering, and unconditional. At...

Finding mentors and role models for your child

Does your child have mentors and role models in his or her life A role model is anyone your child trusts, admires, and respects a neighbor, family friend, teacher, older relative, or someone from your community. A mentor listens and gives good advice, spends time with your child, helps your child make good choices, offers encouragement, and helps your child set and reach goals. Many children need more than one adult voice in their lives. The lessons and values you are trying to teach your child will be more credible if they are reinforced, especially as your child gets old enough to question what he or she is told. Even if a mentor's advice is not exactly what yours might be, a solid, dependable adult will bring some balance and enrichment into your child's life. Be sure to carefully screen any adult or young adult who will be mentoring or spending time with your child. Here's how to find a mentor Look for someone in your circle of friends, family, and community. A friend without...

Giving Your Child Wait Time i real mom wisdom

Mary Budd Rowe, a noted educator, discovered that children need wait time-more time to think about what they hear-before speaking. So whenever you ask a question or give a request, remember to wait at least three seconds for your child to think about what she heard. She will absorb more information, be more likely to respond, and probably give you a fuller answer. That also means, Mom, that during those three seconds you need to wait patiently and continue to give your kid your full presence. Just to see how well you're doing, the next time you ask your child a question, time yourself How many seconds are you waiting until you get impatient for her immediate response Stretch your wait time.

Ask your child what she thinks will happen next in a story

Ask about favorite parts. Help your child relate the story to his own life. Answer his questions about characters or events. 6 Build a library, or book collection, for your child. Look for books at bookstores, garage sales, used bookstores, and sales at the library. Suggest that people give books to your child as birthday gifts and on other special days.

Be sure your child knows where and how to reach you or another adult at all times

Never leave home without following this fundamental rule. Post important phone numbers in a visible place near the phone. Before you walk out the door, give your child detailed written instructions about where you will be, how long you will be gone, a phone number where you can be reached, and the number of a nearby friend or neighbor your child can call for help. Do this whether you are leaving for ten minutes or for several hours. It might help to fill out the card at the back of this booklet and leave it next to the telephone. Your child also needs the emergency numbers for Fire and Police and the Poison Control Center. Remember to write this information out clearly, in large letters, so that it's easy for your child to read. If you are difficult to reach at work, be sure you have made arrangements for how a message will get through to you if your child calls and needs you. 6 Review first-aid basics with your child and make a first-aid kit. Children can be taught to cope with some...

Your Childs Strengths

Take a photograph of your child's special strengths in action. If your child is athletic, a good friend, and reliable, the photos might be of your child hitting a baseball, playing with friends, and taking care of her pets. Frame the snapshots and put them around your child's room, on the refrigerator, or right in the middle of your coffee table. Just be sure you describe her strength when you explain why you framed the photograph. Even if you forget to remind her of the talent each day, she'll see the image. 2. Hold a strength talk. Remind your child each night by having a one-minute strength talk. Hold your child's hand in yours and let each of her fingers be a reminder of one of her unique strengths You are good at so many things you're artistic, kind, responsible, a hard worker, and have such a wonderful smile. One mom told me the strength talk became an evening ritual her kids loved so much that they begged her to write their special strengths on each of their...

Step Evaluate Your Kids Physical and Mental Health

You moved Is he at a new school Has he been harassed by a bully Are his classmates overly competitive Is he over-scheduled What about a change at home a divorce, death, or illness Is he depressed Did you know that adolescent depression has increased 1,000 percent in the past three decades Could your older kid be experimenting with drugs or drinking, which leaves him tired and debilitated You may discover that your child's lazy attitude is not simply irresponsible or selfish but rather the result of a deeper underlying issue.

How do I find child care

Regardless of the kind of child care you might be looking for, most searches follow four basic steps. Think about the type of schedule you would like for your child. Will you need full or part weeks, full or part days What is the earliest you may need to drop off and the latest you may need to pick up Decide what you can afford for child care per week or per month. Talk with friends who use child care about how much they pay. You may also be eligible for programs such as a Dependent Care Assistance Plan (DCAP), the child care tax credit, sliding scale fees, discounts, or subsidies, which can help make child care more affordable. Tell everyone you know that you are looking for child care. Ask them to tell you about their experiences and give you references to programs or providers they have used recently. Contact the program that supplied this booklet when you're ready to start your search. A consultant can give you information about child care options in your area, a checklist of...

Deciding whether your child is ready

Just as you would never let your child jump off a diving board until he knows how to swim, you want to provide your child with the safest experience possible before leaving him home alone. There is a process behind preparing a child for this independent new phase. You want to be sure your child is mature enough to handle an emergency. And that he feels comfortable being left alone. Some of these are skills that must be practiced and developed over time. You also want to be certain there is an adult nearby your child can turn to for help. And that your neighborhood and house or apartment are as safe as possible. Here are some of the things to consider as you decide whether your child is ready Being able to handle an emergency. This is the single most important consideration in deciding if your child is ready to care for himself. Bear in mind that good decision-making under duress, or during a crisis, is something most young children are developmentally unprepared to do, according to...

Take your child to new places and introduce him to new experiences

3 Teach your child the meaning of new words. Say the names of things around the house. Label and talk about things in pictures. Explain, in simple ways, how to use familiar objects and how they work. Help your child to follow directions. Use short, clear sentences to tell him what you want him to do.

First transform your childs attitudes

Tell your child Imagine that a few negative computer programs were implanted into your brain a long time ago. It's time to trash the old stuff that makes a bully happy. Now visualise yourself installing a new program into your brain which takes away the bully's power. This program empowers you to maintain strong eye contact, look confident, act assertively and give neutral retorts. Once you change the game, you are far less likely to become bully fodder.

Communicate to Promote Your Childs Emerging Being

Many parents are unaware of how they really talk to their children. If you need a reality check, put a tape recorder in the room with you and your child and listen to it later alone or with your spouse. You may be amazed to hear someone who sounds like a drill sergeant using your voice Don't do that sit up straight . . . stop that no cut it out be quiet . . . not now I mean it . . . stop acting like that . . . I'm warning you . . . do it this way . . . come on here, like this. . . . Kudos to those parents who have the guts to listen to themselves talk. It takes a great deal of courage to be willing to look at how many times we fail to communicate acceptance to our children. Children who feel unaccepted by us become insecure and under-prepared to face the real world. Four main communication techniques have a huge impact on how prepared your child is to meet the real world Strong emotions are like rivers you can divert them, but not stop them. You cannot ignore or reason away your...

Seven Simple Ways to Keep Your Kids Talking So You Can Listen More

Some kids (particularly boys) are more responsive to talking when they are doing something active. So find active things your child likes to do (fishing, kicking around a soccer ball, building with Legos, shooting baskets), and talk together. 2. Talk about your child's interests. Try tailoring the conversation around your child's interests her CD collection, his baseball cards, her Strawberry Shortcake doll, his Power Ranger collection. It might be a great entr e to a discussion about what's really going on in your kid's life. 3. Go to your kid's zone. If you want some one-on-one talking time with your kid, then go to a place your kid enjoys the mall, the batting cage to practice his swing, the golf range to hit a bucket of balls, a favorite parlor for ice cream. Your child will be more relaxed because she's in her territory and just might be more likely to open up. Make skillful use of your questions so that your child must respond with more than a...

Step Help Your Child Tune into What Makes Others Happy

Grateful hearts are created not from centering on personal needs but centering on others. Help your child focus on what others appreciate. It's an easy but powerful way of boosting his understanding of gratitude, as well as helping him recognize simple ways to make others happy. Here's an example

Step Give Your Kids a Clear Message About Responsible Attitudes

Counted on.They wrote them on index cards, and his kids taped them on their bedroom walls. Develop your own family anthem as a reminder that your family code is always to be responsible and that you expect your kids to convey that belief in their daily actions and attitude. To assess your kids' understanding of those beliefs, pose questions such as these

Changing Societal Conditions as Determinants of Father Child Relationships

A number of society-wide changes in the United States have produced a variety of shifts in the nature of early family relationships. Fertility rates and family size have decreased, the percentage of women in the workforce has increased, the timing of onset of parenthood has shifted, divorce rates have risen, and the number of single-parent families has increased (for reviews see Furstenberg and Cherlin, 1991 Hernandez, 1993 Marsiglio, 1998). In this subsection, the effects of two of these changes timing of parenthood and recent shifts in family employment patterns are explored to illustrate the impact of social change on father-child and family relationships. Exploration of these shifts will serve to underscore an additional theme, namely the importance of considering the historical period or era in which social change occurs. Timing of parenthood and the father's role. Patterns of the timing of the onset of parenting are changing, although those changes are not evident from an...

Handling child care problems

Chances are you will find an arrangement that will provide a good experience for your child. But there is always the remote possibility that you may find something wrong. If you start having problems with your child care, you'll want to be prepared to take appropriate action.

Culture and parenting strategies

Children's behaviors are guided by culture. Good behavior in one culture may be considered bad behavior in another culture.Ways of parenting and disciplining children vary in different cultures.What is good parenting in one culture may be poor parenting in another culture. In the United States, for example, many families value independence and a strong will.These characteristics are seen in children who help make decisions and express their feelings to others. In many Eastern countries, children are expected to be obedient and to respect authority figures.The parenting styles in each culture will focus on raising children to meet cultural standards. Parenting styles and children's typical responses -high control- Parenting styles and children's typical responses -high control-

Managing your childs summer

Many child care arrangements for young children are year-round. But during the summer, your family's schedule and your child care provider's schedule may change. If your provider or program takes a vacation or closes for part of the summer, you'll need to find backup care. And if you have a school-age child, your need for care will change dramatically when school is not in session. Even if you've made plans for the summer, school may end several weeks before a day camp or summer arrangement starts, and you'll need a special plan to cover those weeks. A child care consultant at the program that sent you this booklet can help you look for care, activities, or programs that fit the needs of your family. These might include Here are some general descriptions of words and phrases you may come across as you read through this handbook and search for child care. au pair (American) an in-home care provider who generally lives with a family and provides help with child care and light housework....

The Twelve Qualities Your Child Needs for a Life Thats Happily Ever After

Look at your child and try to picture him or her in twenty-five years as a grown-up. What do you see Does your son or daughter have these twelve essential qualities Yes, each of our kids is born with a certain temperament and genetic predisposition. Certainly there are some things about our kids' development that are not under our control but many are. And that's why you can use the 12 Simple Secrets of Real Mothering to foster the qualities your child needs for a life that's happily ever after.

Do Not Try to Keep Your Child Happy

Often, when we apply Principle 2 and remove a freedom or favor, our kids become very angry with us. The experience of getting angry with us at times is actually healthy for them. Stick with your decision. Do not crumple because you are afraid of their displeasure. It is healthy for children to experience their sad, mad, or bad emotions with the ones they love. This will teach them the inevitable reality that all humans at times both love and hate those closest to them. Stand firm and teach them that you love them anyway. Remind yourself that you love your child so much you are willing to allow him to be very angry or

Your Kids Efforts Even When Youre Not There

You had a late meeting. Your child fell asleep. Or you just plain forgot to affirm your kid's efforts today. Well, there are no more excuses or guilt. Here are a few simple ways to acknowledge your children's efforts even when you're miles away or they're asleep. 3. Post-it message. Keep a set of self-adhesive notes handy to stick brief messages to your child everywhere Your room looks great. You put a lot of time into straightening out that closet. Kudos to you Love, Mommy. 4. PillowGram. Slip a message under your child's pillow Ben, I loved looking at your schoolwork today. I know 5. Photograph note. Want a great way to use that new digital or cell phone camera Take a shot of your child's effort the bed finally made or his practicing shooting hoops or piano, and hang it on your refrigerator with a brief affirming note Saw you practicing out there. You're getting better with every shot Even a toddler will appreciate the photo and can see that you...

Comparing types of child care

Knowing more about all the types of care that are available to you may help you decide what seems best for your child. It will also give you more choices when you need to find backup care, when your child grows older and needs or wants a different kind of care, or if your work schedule changes and you need to make new care arrangements. Family child care homes Family child care homes typically care for up to six children, including the caregiver's own young children. The care is offered in the home of the person who provides the care, who is often called a provider. Large family child care homes, an option in some states, usually have one caregiver and one assistant providing care for 7 to 12 children in the home of the caregiver. Child care centers and nursery schools Child care centers offer care to groups of children in a facility that isn't the provider's home. They are often open all day, year-round, to cover the hours needed by working parents. They offer children a place to...

What Can You Do If Your Child Is a Bully

Being informed by the school or another source that your child is bullying other students may be a difficult fact to face. Making excuses and playing down your child's behavior will not help him or her. On the contrary, you should act quickly for the sake of the victim and for your own child's future. As mentioned earlier, children who are aggressive toward their peers are at high risk for what is known as anti-social development, including criminality and misuse of alcohol, tobacco, and illegal drugs at a later stage in their lives. It is, therefore, important to take time now to guide your child on to positive paths. Make it quite clear that you take bullying seriously and will not accept the continuation of this behavior. If both you and the school show consistently negative reactions to the child's bullying, the chances that your child will change are increased. Try to set up some simple rules for family interactions. Whenever your child...

And Encourage Kids to Value What They Have

Praise is one of the oldest parenting strategies, but research finds that only certain kinds really enhance behavior and changes attitudes. Psychologist Joan Grusec found that kids who were frequently praised by their mothers whenever they displayed generous behavior actually tended to be less generous on a day-to-day basis than other children.Why More than likely, the children weren't personally committed to the trait in this case, generosity that their moms were praising them for.Without their moms' encouraging words, there was really no reason for them to continue doing generous actions on their own, because their good behavior was guided by social approval and not their own internal convictions. Encourage your kids' charitable actions, but be conscious of how you praise and what you say so they understand the value of the deed.

Inhome child care providers nannies au pairs sitters

If you decide to have someone come into your home to take care of your child, your questions and the things you'll be looking for will have a different emphasis. After all, you already know the atmosphere of your own home. Yet of all the forms of child care, in-home care comes under the least scrutiny by others. You are assuming the role of an employer and must ask all the same things a center director, for instance, might ask prospective child care teachers. Your first step should be to write a job description. Think through your expectations, including specific hours and responsibilities. Make a list of the benefits you are offering, such as vacation time or sick days. Be very specific. During the interview at your home, you'll have a chance to see how the caregiver and your child initially react to one another. Ask as many questions as you need to get a firm idea of the personality and qualifications of the person you're interviewing. When asking questions remember to pay attention...

Talking with a family child care provider

It's important to find out what a typical day would be like for your child. A family child care home should give children a choice of activities they can participate in at different levels. Will there be the right mix of activity and quiet time, of being with other children and playing alone, of predictability and routine, for your child Will the children be able to play outside every day Fresh air helps cut down the spread of sickness between children and the outdoors can provide a great place to learn. Will the provider be taking the children outside of or away from the home Some providers drop off and pick up children at elementary school. Others may run errands during the day, or plan field trips to the post office or fire station. If your child will be staying with the provider in the evening or overnight, be sure to talk about bedtime routines. It's also important to ask about and make sure you and your child feel comfortable with any other people who may be in the home older...

When your child is sick

Children get sick from time to time throughout the year. Preschool children at home catch between six and eight respiratory illnesses (coughs and colds) each year, as well as one or two digestive illnesses (such as diarrhea or an upset stomach). Children in child care centers usually have about the same number of respiratory illnesses, but more digestive illnesses. The number of digestive illnesses is dramatically reduced in those centers with strict hand-washing practices. For a working parent, even minor illnesses can cause enormous difficulties. Children often get sick at unexpected and inconvenient times, and it can be hard to make a quick decision before work about how serious an illness really is. Unless you have found a center or home provider who can take mildly ill children, your child's illness can mean a day or several days at home. Remember to ask whoever is taking care of your child about the policies for mildly ill children. Some family child care homes and centers can...

Enhancing Parent Child Relationships

At the beginning of this book we looked at the intimacy of the relationship formed when a grandparent sits a child on his or her lap and reads a story, or when a parent sits by a child's bedside at night to tell a tale that may precede a restful slumber. In such situations, there is a special bonding, closeness, and intimacy that exist between teller and listener. When my grandson was younger and I picked him up for our special times together, the words were spilling out of his mouth almost before he was in his seat and had the seat belt fastened Tell me a Fred Mouse story. Fred Mouse helped bond us in a unique relationship. He was a special character who existed only for the two of us, and through whom we could journey on adventures, reflect on experiences of our day, discover new learnings, and explore ways of resolving the problems of childhood. By inviting parents to story-tell, you are indirectly encouraging a process for enhancing the parent-child relationship.

Allow Your Kids to Experience and Handle Frustration

If she commits to fulfilling a certain role toward the pet's maintenance, you must hold her accountable. If she doesn't meet her obligation, you must employ the goods-for-goodies method. To let her off the hook is to give her false expectations about the real world. It is essential for parents to teach that there is a link between effort and reward. If the lesson frustrates your child, remember that she is also learning important things. Conflict is the normal state of affairs for adults (should I major in this or that shall I move here or there shall I marry or focus on my career should we have one child or more, etc.). Every day of our adult lives, we must choose one course of action while forgoing other attractive choices. Asking your child to choose between two competing activities, both of which she desires, allows her to learn that a normal human often cannot have their cake and eat it too. For example, you are doing an excellent job of teaching her Principle 3 when you...

What Grade Would Your Kids Give

A 2005 nationwide sample of one thousand teens ages twelve to nineteen were asked to assign letter grades to adults in twenty-four categories. Focus groups of teens then met in Washington, Los Angeles, and Chicago to explain the grades. More than 35 percent of teens surveyed gave poor grades (D's or F's) to adults for failing to listen and understand teens. How would your child grade your listening ability You seem unhappy. This simple act helps your child know you are giving her your full attention, really trying to understand her, and interested in what she has to say. Step Four Provide Reassurance. End your talk with a response that conveys your support or appreciation I hope things work out. That was really interesting. I'm so sorry. I'm here if you need me. I enjoyed that. Wait to see if your child needs anything else advice, a hug, reassurance. He'll be more likely to want to share his ideas and feelings with you because he knows you care and are giving him your full presence.

Single Parenting

Merrill, MI Personal Power Press. Noel, B., A. Klein, and A. Klein (1998). The Single Parent Resource. New York Champion Pr. Ltd. Peterson, M. (2003). Single Parenting for Dummies. New York For Dummies. Richmond, G. (1998). Successful Single Parenting. New York Harvest House. Teyber, E. (1992). Helping Children Cope with Divorce. San Francisco, CA Jossey-Bass.

Preparing your child

Once you've chosen care for your child, you'll want to prepare your child and yourself for this important change in your lives. If you have an infant, and you'll be leaving your child in someone else's care for the first time, you can expect that the separation will be hard for you, as it might be for your child. A knowledgeable child care provider will give your baby extra attention and comforting and can also give you some help understanding how to get through this difficult time. Research on mothers and infants suggests that the best child care arrangements occur when the parent is comfortable with her decision to return to work. Children even infants pick up on a parent's feelings, and your baby is more likely to be happy with a child care arrangement if you're happy with it. Remember that finding the right child care arrangement is more important than deciding on the right age to begin child care. No matter who provides it, your child will thrive with good care. If your child is...

Talk to your child

Begin talking and singing to your child from birth. Your baby loves hearing your voice. Play peek-a-boo and pat-a-cake. Recite nursery rhymes or other verses that have strong rhythms and repeated sounds. Sing lullabies and other songs. Ask Where are your toes Then touch your child's toes and say, Here are your toes Repeat several times, then switch to fingers or ears or eyes or the nose. When your child begins to speak, build his language. Encourage your child to talk with you. Ask questions that show you are interested in what she thinks and says. Ask her to share ideas and events that are important to her. Ask her questions that require her to talk, rather than just to give yes or no answers. Listen carefully to what she says. 7 Answer your child's questions. Listen to your child's questions and answer them patiently. Take time to explain things to him as completely as you can. Keep answering questions that your child asks again and again, because children learn from hearing things...

Child care centers

Read over the following Questions sheet before your visit so you can think about the things that are particularly important to you and your child. Add a few notes on anything you really want to check out. Make a copy of the Questions for each center you'll be visiting and take a copy with you when you visit. You probably won't have time to write everything down while you're at the center, but make some quick notes and look them over soon after you come home, when the answers are still fresh in your mind.

Read to your child

Read to your child in a comfortable place. Have her sit on your lap or next to you so that she can see and point to the print and the pictures. Show her that reading is fun and rewarding. 2 Show enthusiasm as you read with your child. Read the story with 3 Read to your child often. Set aside special times for reading each day, maybe after lunch and at bedtime. The more you can read to him, the better as long as he is willing to listen. Reading times can be brief, about 5 to 10 minutes. 4 Talk with your child as you read together. Comment about what's happening in the story. Point to pictures and talk about what's happening in them. When your child is ready, have him tell you about the pictures. Encourage your child to explore books. Give your baby sturdy books to look at, touch, and hold. Allow her to turn the pages, look through the holes, or lift the flaps. As your child grows older, keep books on low shelves or in baskets where she can see them and get them...

Your childs needs

You know that if you want peace of mind about your child's well-being while you work, you must Leaving an infant in someone else's care can be difficult, but it is usually harder for the parent than for the young infant. Finding an arrangement that you feel comfortable with is more important than the age at which your child begins care. Sometime between the ages of 7 and 15 months, you can expect that your baby will become very aware of the difference between you and strangers, as well as the fact that when you are out of sight temporarily you are not gone forever. These stages don't last long, and babies' reactions vary. Many babies become upset whenever their parent leaves the room, even at home. These are normal and important milestones in your baby's development. Although it can be difficult to start a new child care arrangement at this time, these separations and reunions help your baby learn that you will come back again. Generally though, young children pick up on a parent's...

How were these sheets developed

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

We developed these fact sheets to help grandparents raising their grand-children.We used grandparent experiences and research as guides. Grandparents raising grandchildren are the experts when it comes to their own situations We also talked to professionals in the area of child development and in the field of aging. And we talked to professionals who work with grandparents raising grandchildren in the community. Grandparents and professionals reviewed and commented on earlier drafts of these fact sheets. Our goal was to make the sheets as useful and accurate as possible.

Preventing The Worstcase Scenario Why You Better Start Changing Bad Attitudes Today

Character determines your child's reputation as a human being.Virtues like kindness, empathy, respect, tolerance, perseverance, fairness, and honesty form our children's character, beliefs, and attitudes. Bad attitudes comprise all those vices that counter solid character development disrespect, insensitivity, rudeness, laziness, meanness, and more. Ridding your kid of his bad attitude makes room for those essential virtues to blossom and increases the likelihood of his developing strong character. Create Weaker Coping Skills. Spoiled kids have their every desire catered to, and as a result they are less able to cope with stress. So how will they learn to deal with life's inevitable frustrations and setbacks By always rescuing kids, we actually do them a huge disservice we rob them of learning how to cope. And in today's uncertain world, it may well be one of the most important traits our kids learn. Erode Parent-Kid Relations. How often have you had to deal with...

Sarah Edison Knapp Arthur E Jongsma Jr

The Parenting Skills Treatment Planner The Suicide and Homicide Risk Assessment & Prevention Treatment Planner The College Student Counseling Treatment Planner The Parenting Skills Treatment Planner The Early Childhood Treatment Planner School Counseling and School Social Work Homework Planner Child Therapy Activity and Homework Planner Addiction Treatment Homework Planner, Second Edition Adolescent Psychotherapy Homework Planner II Adult Psychotherapy Homework Planner Parenting Skills Homework Planner

Historical Background

Our research and brainstorming determined that pediatric health care providers, family counselors, family life educators, clergy, family mental health agencies, family courts, adoption agencies, child protection services, day care programs, foster parent programs, private and public school programs, and numerous other mental health care providers who support parents and their children would view a treatment guide focusing on techniques of developing positive parent child relationships as invaluable. Throughout more than a decade of teaching parent education classes, parents frequently ask for recommendations or referrals to independent counselors who would provide ongoing guidance or therapy consistent with the principles taught in the parenting classes. We have aspired to incorporate numerous treatment interventions that will allow the family counselor to offer the same positive and effective strategies for positive discipline, limit setting, effective communication, relationship...

Therapeutic Interventions

Assist the parents in planning for long- and short-term goal attainment (or assign the Achieving Family Goals activity from the Parenting Skills Homework Planner by Knapp). 3. Attend a class focused on teaching effective parenting skills. (5) 5. Refer the parents to a school or community-sponsored parenting class (e.g., Becoming a Love and Logic Parent by Fay, Cline, and Fay) to acquire techniques of positive discipline to use with the child. 11. Assign the parents to brainstorm with the child how school rules differ from family or street rules and discuss the necessity of adhering to different rules in different situations (or assign the Different Rules for Home and School activity from the Parenting Skills Homework Planner by Knapp). 18. Refer the parents to a support group (e.g., FAST, Families and Schools Together The Alliance for Children and Families ) to strengthen the parent-child relationship, build a partnership between parents and the school and community, and to provide...

What Real Moms Can Learn from This Story

A little dogged determination never hurts. This is what real mothering is all about. Just remember it's never too late to restore a loving relationship with a child. And there's nothing more important for a child to have. It will be the basis for all his future relationships. No, it's not easy. In fact, at times it may be discouraging and heartbreaking, and the final outcome may not always fit your dreams. But not to try would be an even greater tragedy. So don't give up, and do whatever it takes to stay involved and permanently engaged in your child's life.

Facing Your Own Bad Attitudes

Your parenting If so, which ones Which attitudes, if any, would you like to start using with your children Write them. Next, reflect on your current attitude. Here are a few questions to help you think about how well you are modeling gratitude to your kids. Check any that might need to change To your kids for a job well done, or for everyday behaviors such as coming to the table on time, finishing chores without reminders, waiting patiently, being courteous, or conveying gratefulness To the babysitter for watching your children and keeping them safe The best way our kids learn gratitude is by seeing others display appreciation and gratitude in those everyday, unplanned moments. Those examples are ones they are most likely to copy. For instance, how often do your kids see you convey your appreciation with hugs, words, or small notes to others for their kindnesses bestowed on you or your loved ones Even more important, how often do you tell your kids how much you appreciate them Think...

Is This Real Moms Secret Part of Your Parenting

To support your children's natural talents and abilities and not stress their weaknesses, the first thing you need to identify is where they're strong and where they're not. Your goal is to answer the question, What makes my child special and unique you feel best describe your child's innate skills or talents. Make sure these strengths are already present in your child and not ones you wish were there. When you've identified your child's positive qualities, write them down. Keep the list handy you'll use it throughout this chapter. As you discover new attributes, add them to your list.

Real Moms Resource Guide

The Joy of Family Rituals Recipes for Everyday Living, by Barbara Biziou (New York St. Martin's Press, 2000). This warm and inspirational book offers an array of ritual recipes, from those that acknowledge ordinary routines (mealtimes, baths, bedtimes) to those that commemorate significant life passages (parenthood, new siblings, puberty) and special family occasions (birthdays and anniversaries). It also includes rituals for first times, last times, and hard times (losing a pet). Little Things Long Remembered Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day, by Susan Newman (New York Crown, 1993). This book

Prescreening Candidates

Not everyone who applies for your child care position will be qualified or appropriate. Most placement agencies will prescreen potential candidates for your position, but if you are looking for a caregiver on your own, you'll save a great deal of time by prescreening candidates before you interview them. Try to set aside a few blocks of uninterrupted time to talk on the telephone with potential caregivers. If you are busy when an applicant first calls, take her phone number and ask for a good time to reach her. If you have an answering machine, you might want to put a special message on it for a while just after you have placed an ad. Ask people who respond to your ad to leave their names and telephone numbers, a good time to contact them, and some information about their child care experience. You may also want to consider getting a voice mailbox from your telephone system or using an answering service. Even if you are hiring a caregiver for the first time, you will quickly get a...

How to find another family

If you don't know another family who might want to share child care, you can use many of the same ideas and suggestions in this guide for recruiting a caregiver to help find another family. You might also want to look in Ages of the children. Are you looking for playmates who are the same age as your children Would you consider sharing a caregiver with another family whose children are different ages than yours Job responsibilities. What does each family expect from the caregiver (For instance, what if you want her to do some light housecleaning and the other family prefers that she does child care only ) What tasks need to be accomplished How does the other family feel about defining duties One good way to decide on job responsibilities is to have one adult from each family spend a day caring for the combined group of children. Having a realistic picture of the caregiver's day will help both families set reasonable expectations for the job. The checklist on page 18 can be starting...

Step Eight Incorporate Stress Reducers in Your Daily Life

Child development experts warn us that stress is mounting for our kids. They need to learn ways to relax just as much as you do, so why not learn together Stress is an inevitable part of life for us all, but all of us kids included can learn to use some of the techniques that adults use to cope with pressure. And how great if you learn to use these as a family. Not only will balance be restored and stress reduced, but your child will learn techniques he can use to beat stress for the rest of his life. Practice meditation, prayer, relaxation techniques whatever you fancy but incorporate that stress reducer into your family's daily routine.

Glance At The History Of Parenting Infants

Informal interest and concerns for parenting infants have been motivated in large measure by perennial questions about the roles of heredity and experience in the course of child development. Speculation on the subject dates back centuries to ancient Egypt, the Code of Hammurabi, and the pre-Socratic philosophers (French, in Vol. 2 of this Handbook). Plato (ca. 355 B.C.) theorized about These systematic historical observations of infancy had many salutary effects, heightening awareness in parents and provoking formal studies of how to guide infant development. Historians and sociologists of family life have documented evolving patterns of primary infant care (Colon with Colon, 1999). Because of high rates of infant mortality, parents in early times may have cared for but resisted emotional investment in the very young (Dye and Smith, 1986 Slater, 1977-1978), a point of view that persists where especially dire circumstances reign (e.g., Scheper-Hughes, 1989). One historian theorized...

Types of attachment relationships

Although most children develop several attachment relationships, the quality of these relationships may be different. Four types of attachment relationships have been studied one is a secure type and three are insecure types.The secure attachment relationship is ideal for a child's healthy development. A child with an insecure attachment relationship may (1) avoid close relationships, (2) feel conflicted about close relationships, or (3) feel confused and fearful about close rela-tionships.They are less healthy for the child. Each attachment style is explained more in the next fact sheet ( 3 Relationship Expectations).

Step Praise Courteous Actions

Reinforce your child's courteous behaviors, and let her know how pleased it makes you feel. Describe exactly what your child did right, so your child is more likely to repeat the virtuous behavior for example Do also help your kid recognize that courteous, kind acts even small ones can make a big impression on other people. Point them out to help your child see the impact his actions made

Step Stifle the Bad Attitude If Insensitivity Continues

If your child continues to display insensitivity toward others' feelings, then it's time to set a meaningful consequence that's appropriate to your child's age and temperament. For example, forbid your child from playing with a friend until your child understands he must treat others kindly.Your rule is If you can't treat people nicely, you can't play.Another option is to demand that your child apologize sincerely to the recip-ient.This might be drawing or writing an apology or apologizing in person or with a telephone call.

Step Help Your Kid Imagine the Recipients Feelings

One way to help your child understand the impact of gratitude is by having him imagine how the recipient of his kind actions feels. Suppose your child just sent a thank-you card to his aunt for the birthday present he received. Use it as an opportunity to help your child recognize his aunt's feelings when she receives the card by having him pretend to be the recipient Pretend you're Aunt Helen right now.You open up your mailbox and find this card. How will you feel when you read the card

Step Go Beneath the Surface

Contributing to your child's selfish attitude. Check off the ones Your child has never been taught the value of selflessness. Your child has poor emotional intelligence and has difficulties identifying or understanding other people's emotions. Your child is angry, anxious, or depressed or having some other problem that makes it difficult for him to think of others.

Nine Steps to Squelching Bad Behaviors Firmly and Fairly

Think through what you stand for and what you won't tolerate in your kids. Pick your battles and stick to what you think matters most, then let your child know what that is. Keep in mind that your expectations will vary as your child matures, so don't be afraid to change and bend your rules. Step Two Deal with One Behavior at a Time. Suppose your child is repeatedly displaying the same misbehavior. Zero in on it. Granted, your child may be displaying a number of behaviors that need fixing, but it's really best to work on improving only one and never more than two behaviors at a time. That way, you will be much more likely to stop the bad behavior permanently. So narrow your focus and target the specific behavior you want to eliminate that is getting in the way of your relationship or your kid's character Is it your child's whiney voice Those temper tantrums That staying out late Step Three Connect Calmly with Your Child. If your child breaks your rule or...

Making a Promise to Yourself

Did anything strike an emotional chord for you in the story about Bonnie and her son, Max Is this one of the secrets you want to focus on and tune up in your family How would applying what matters most about boosting acceptance and focusing on strengths benefit your child 2. Check out the three steps to unlocking your child's strengths. How would you apply them in your family Review all the boxes, guides, tips, and stories in this chapter. 3. Go to A Mother's Promise on page 56 and write in the one thing you'll do differently over the next 21 days to cultivate your child's natural strengths and talents. Doing so is one way you can give your child the glorious gift of resilience.

Step One Choose One to Three Positive Qualities to Strengthen

Look at your list of your child's strengths and positive traits. Choose one or two attributes you want your child to recognize about herself right away. Make sure the strengths are really present in your child and not ones you just wish were true about her. Jot down the terms you'll use you point out the strengths to your child. Use the same term every time you praise the quality. Step Two Find Opportunities to Acknowledge the Strength Frequently. At the beginning you can give one strength message a day gradually work your way up to two to four strength reminders. Flooding your child with too many compliments a day is not valuable. They begin to lose their effectiveness and become too predictable. Be specific in your praise so that your child knows exactly what he did to deserve recognition. It usually takes at least three weeks for a new image to develop, so keep praising your child's strengths for at least 21 days. Here are a few examples Also let your child overhear your praise....

Step Identify Temper Warning Signs

Explain to your child that we all have our own little signs that warn us our tempers are ready to blow and that we should listen to them because they can help us stay out of trouble. Next, help your child recognize her specific warning signs that she's starting to get upset for example, talking louder, flushed cheeks, clenched fists, pounding heart, drier mouth, or faster breathing. Once she is aware of her signs, point them out to her when she first starts to get frustrated and before she loses her temper Looks like you're starting to get out of control.Your hands are in a fist now. Do you feel yourself starting to get upset

Take Her To The Dentist

Register your child with a dentist as soon as her first teeth appear, 'Take her with you to the dentist from an early age, so it doesn't seem frightening, It will help her get used to the sights and sounds,' says dentist Graham Wilding, Once your child is about 2 , make sure she has regular dental check-ups every 6-12 months, The best time to give sweets is after dinner, as you'll soon be brushing your child's teeth, Check that whoever looks after your child (nursery, childminder, grandparent) follows your rules, too, When your child isn't with you You look after your child's teeth, but what happens at nursery. The National Day Nurseries' Association is asking its 13,000 nurseries to help prevent tooth decay, It has teamed up with the Stop The Rot campaign, the brainchild of Lancashire dentist Graham Wilding, and is asking nurseries to sign up to three smile promises

Step Nurture a Unique Skill or Quality

All kids can benefit from knowing what makes them unique. The more you can expand your child's awareness of his qualities, the greater the likelihood is that he will value his identity and not feel resentful and jealous about others. Here are the four keys to unlocking your child's awareness of his special qualities Identify strengths. Choose one or two positive qualities you want your child to recognize about herself right away for example, her artistic abilities, a sense of humor, kindness, grace, strength, flexibility. Make sure the strengths are already present in your child, not ones you wish were true about her. Praise the quality. Find opportunities to praise the talent or strength frequently.You can start out by giving one strength message a day, and gradually work your way up to two to four strength reminders. Be specific in your praise, so that your child knows exactly what she did to deserve recognition You're very open-minded you always seem to listen to everyone's ideas...

Step Dont Tolerate an Insensitive Attitude

Whenever your child displays insensitivity, stop her in her tracks, and call her on it. Explain in no uncertain terms why you consider the child's attitude to be unacceptable.This is the moment to make sure she clearly understands what is wrong about the attitude and why you disapprove.Your timely intervention helps your child shift her focus from herself to considering the impact of her actions on other people for example

Whats Wrong With Your Current Response

Now reflect on how you typically respond to your child's ungrateful attitude.Think of the last time you gave your child a special privilege or gift that you felt he was unappreciative of.What did he do that you interpreted as an ungrateful attitude Now play back how you responded to his attitude.Was there one thing you could have done that would have changed your child's ungrateful ways or even toned them down

Step Set a Consequence If the Bad Attitude Continues

If your kid continues displaying this attitude, it's time to set a consequence your child must learn to be accountable for his actions.There should be a consequence, and the most effective ones always fit the crime, cause a bit of misery (so your kid will want to change his attitude), and are consistently enforced. Above all remember, no more excusing your child and no more rescuing. Here are a few examples of logical consequences for being irresponsible

Five Steps to Boosting Your Sensitivity

Step One Match Your Expectations to Your Child's True Self. To make sure that the expectations you set for your child are ones that stretch her potential without unintentionally zapping her self-worth, ask yourself this Are my expectations 1. Developmentally appropriate. Is my child developmentally ready for the tasks I'm requiring, or am I pushing him beyond the limits of his internal timetable Learn what's appropriate for your child's age, but still keep in mind that developmental guidelines are not etched in stone. It's always best to start from where your child is. 2. Realistic. Is my expectation fair and reasonable, or am I expecting too much Realistic expectations stretch kids to aim higher, without pushing them beyond their capabilities. Be careful of setting standards too high. Putting your child in situations that are too difficult puts her at risk of failing and lowering her feelings of competence. 4. Success oriented. Am I setting the kind of expectations that tell my child...

Four Steps to Listening with Full Presence

The very next time your child wants or needs you, put down that cell phone. Turn off the TV. Get off the computer. Let the pasta boil, and give your full attention. Turn and face him. Get eye to eye and at his level. Nod every once in a while. Smile if appropriate and even lean in slightly. Don't interrupt or offer any opinion just listen Your silence can be affirming, and besides, the last thing kids want to hear all the time is our advice. Step Two Offer Encouragement. To let your child know you're interested, repeat a few key words that you've heard your child say. Offer a nonjudgmental word or two to encourage her continuing, such as, Oh I see. Really or even Mmmm. Or you can simply repeat back your child's last phrase Step Three Acknowledge Feelings. When you recognize how your child is feeling, describe the emotion Looks like you're angry. You seem really frustrated. Sounds like you're irritated.

Step Explain and Reinforce Alternative Attitudes

Research shows that kids who share, take turns, and take into consideration the requests of peers usually do so because their parents clearly emphasized that they expect them to. Take time to spell out your ground rules for sharing and cooperation, and explain them to your child. Then expect your kid to use them. Here are examples of how parents have spelled out their requirements for less bossiness and more cooperation Set one sharing rule. One dad passed on his rule If it belongs to you and it's in sight, then you must share it. There are certain possessions that are very special to your child, so putting those items away before a guest arrives minimizes potential conflicts.

Step Nurture Empathy to Decrease Selfishness

And because they can feel with someone else, they are more generous, unselfish, and caring. So nurture your child's empathy to help him see beyond himself and into the views of others. Here are three ways to do so Ask often, How does the other person feel Look for daily situations that could nurture empathy. Then pose questions using that situation to help guide your child to consider how the person feels for example

Step Reinforce Effort and Productivity

Once your child has begun to make a real effort to overcome his lazy attitude, stay with him every step of the way with continuing support, reinforcement, and appreciation. Regular praise can make work seem less like work. Pride in accomplishment can go a long way. Here are some ways to reinforce your kid's productivity and effort

The Dont Give Me That Attitude Makeover

To reduce your child's quick temper, take the following steps. Step 1. Convey Your Attitude Expectations Begin by firmly conveying that flaunting quick tempers will no longer be tolerated. Tell your child that while it's normal to be angry from time to time, he may not use a yelling voice, hurtful words, a tantrum, or fists to express his feelings. Then convey your calmer policy expectations to all family members. Consider asking them to take a no yelling vow.The pledge is written on a piece of paper, signed by all members, and posted as a concrete reminder.

Step Replace Impoliteness with New Manners

One way to purge your child of his impolite attitude is by teaching him new manners to replace the bad ones.There's a whole gamut of manners to choose from how to meet others, how to be a good host or guest, proper eating etiquette, phone etiquette, Internet etiquette, as well as an array of polite words. I've provided a list of eighty-five important manners kids should learn. Choose one or two manners from the list to teach at a time. As you teach each new manner, be sure to explain why the skill is important and when and how to use it. Kids learn any skill best through repetition, so give your child lots of opportunities to practice the new skill.You might get the rest of the family involved so that everybody is practicing the same skill together. Some families target a new skill each week. Just make sure everyone is supportive no teasing is allowed.

Antidote Helpfulness Diligence Generosity

We're noticing a most unbecoming attitude in our seven year old. Whenever he's asked to help, we get one of those you've got to be kidding looks. Today I politely asked him to help clear the dinner table, and he had the nerve to ask how much I'd pay. Is it too much to expect your child to lend a hand Lately, I feel more like a banker than a mom.

Step Challenge Biased Views

One thing is certain if you don't challenge your kid's narrow-minded view, his attitude will continue. The most important thing is not to overreact or be too quick to criticize that response will stop his comment but not his attitude.Your goal is to change his attitude, and the only way to do that is by listening carefully to your child's words and why he feels that way. Only then can you give him evidence to counter his view. Here are a few ideas that will help your challenge his biased attitude Listen first. When you hear your child make a prejudicial, narrow-minded comment, the first step is always the hardest listen without judging or interrupting.You want to gather as many facts as you can to find out why she feels the way she does and what gave rise to her words. That way you can help her change it before it turns into a long-lasting prejudice. Suppose your child says, Kids who don't speak English shouldn't be allowed in our school. You might say, I want to hear why you said...

Step Clean Your Own House

Kids aren't born intolerant, biased, narrow-minded, bigoted, and prejudiced.They learn those lethal attitudes, and one of the places they learn them best is right underneath our own noses from us The first step to tempering your kid's narrow-minded ways is by realizing your own biases. Here are a few assumptions that can be so deeply seated that you may not be aware they are there. But our kids sure are And chances are that you are communicating those attitudes to your child. Check ones that apply to you Once you discover which narrow-minded views you may be spreading to your kid (and usually quite unconsciously), make a conscious effort to temper them so that they don't become your child's prejudices.

Step Balance Pessimistic Talk

Blow negative happenings out of proportion and downplay the importance of positive ones. One way to thwart your child's pessimistic thinking is by providing a more balanced perspective. If you use the strategy enough, your kid will use it to help counter his own inner pessimistic talk. Here are three examples that show you how

Emergency Attitude

Stop immediately doing anything that compensates for your child's irresponsibility. Do not write one more cover-up note to your child's teacher. Do not do put out the garbage when your kid conveniently disappears. Do not take your kid's overdue library book and pay the fine. Do not go back and get your kid's forgotten soccer shoes for the umpteenth time. Instead, make your kid take the consequences of his irresponsible attitude. Remember that your role is guider, not doer, and that single tweak will do much to change your child's bad attitude.

Step Enforce Moral Consequences for Hurtful Comments

Let your child know that any comment that is insulting to someone else will not be allowed. In addition to being painful to the victim, such prejudicial comments breed hate. If your child does make a comment, then she must apologize. Most important, the apology must be genuine and delivered sincerely. You may need to spend time talking to your child about the victim's pain.Ask,How would you feel if someone said that to you so that your son or daughter really understands the ramifications.Your message is, What you did caused someone else to hurt. So what will you do to make up for that pain Children must realize that although they cannot take back the hurt caused from stinging words or deeds, they are responsible for their actions. Even the youngest child can apologize, draw a picture, or phone the victim to say,I'm sorry. Here are some examples for helping them understand Organize a Formal Family Debate Night, a great way to contest common problems in a supportive atmosphere. It is...

Step Talk About Why Cheating Is Wrong

Don't assume your kid understands why cheating is immoral. Young kids especially won't fully grasp why they shouldn't take something that doesn't belong to them or not tell the truth. First, you must be clear about your own moral beliefs. Do you believe that dishonesty is inherently wrong because it hurts you most of all by diminishing your character and spirit Do you feel that no matter what the short-term loss might be, being honest and trustworthy is its own reward even when no one is looking Think through your values. Here are a few ways you might convey them to your child Tell your kid a recent moral choice you've made, like declaring nondocumented income on your tax return or giving back the wrong change even though it's in your favor.Your kids need to know that everyone is tempted to cheat, but honesty and hard work are always the better policy. One of the simplest ways is by modeling how you fight those urges to your kids. Intentionally look for day-to-day opportunities to do...

Step Teach How to Be a Team Player

Bossy kids are self-centered they want things to go their way and rarely consider or even acknowledge other kids' opinions or desires. One way to curb your child's self-centered, bossy ways is to teach and then expect him to use more cooperative behaviors to help him learn to consider the other kid's desires. Here are a few strategies to help your kid learn to consider the other kid's desires. Remember to teach one skill at a time, and then practice, model, and reinforce it again and again. Only then will your kid be more likely to incorporate the skill into her daily behavior. Teach host etiquette. One simple rule of cooperation is to enforce that the guest always chooses first. If your child is the host, he must ask his guest to select the first game or activity.

Step Encourage Experiences That Nurture Strong Values Skills and Relationships

The first step to turning off kids' greed is by helping them recognize that having stuff does not provide emotional fulfillment. It must be replaced by a central life message Who you are is more important than what you have. Of course, merely reciting such lines won't change attitudes. Only through personal example and ongoing experiences that emphasize people over things and values over possessions will kids grasp the concept, and that comes only through your slow, consistent, committed effort. Begin intentionally looking for kinds of experiences that nurture strong values, skills, and relationships. Then encourage your child to try them, followed each time by helping him to see the value of the experience for example

Step Monitor Media Consumption That Drives Greediness

Television probably wields the greatest influence on fueling kids' greedy attitudes, and commercials are relentless in trying to get kids to want, want, want, and buy, buy, buy. Limit your child's exposure to TV commercials by minimizing his TV viewing. (Hint Children's public television, while not strictly commercial free, offers quality programs with much less advertising.) And when you are watching those commercials with your kid, point out that their purpose is not altruistic.They want his money.When kids are more tuned into the advertisers' motives, they are less likely to want every little thing they see.

Step Teach Ways to Calm Quick Tempers

Once your kid is aware of his unique signs that warn him his temper is ready to blow, he needs to know how to handle his frustrations or temper. Explain that anger is normal how we choose to deal with it can be healthy or unhealthy, as well as get us in trouble or keep us out of trouble. There are a number of anger management strategies to cool tempers.The goal is to find the one that works best for your child and then help him rehearse it again and again until it becomes a habit. Here are a few possibilities Deal with the anger. Pound clay, hit a pillow, shoot baskets, punch a punching bag. Help your child find the most effective way to calm his temper, and then encourage him to use the technique. Use self-talk. Help your child learn to say a simple, positive message to himself to control his temper for example, Stop and calm down,Stay in control,Chill out,I can handle this. Have your kid choose a phrase she feels most comfortable saying, and then help her rehearse it a few times...

Bad Attitude News Alert

In the past twenty-five years, the American workplace has been transformed so that the vast majority of businesses and organizations are now team based.That means that people are now working cooperatively rather than individually. It also means that if your child is not a team player and lacks the skills of social competence, he will be handicapped from succeeding in the workplace. As Tom Peters and Robert H. Waterman, authors of the best-selling book In Search of Excellence point out, the impact that teamwork has on productivity is an astounding 5,000 percent It's all the more important to break your kid of his uncooperative attitude.

Step Teach Cooperative Skills Then Find Practice Opportunities

There are many skills kids need to cooperate and you can teach them to your child. Choose one skill your kid needs to learn. Then take time to teach this skill (such as how to take turns, or share, or listen) by showing what it looks and sounds like. Just telling your kid about the skill is not enough she needs to practice it again and again until she can use it on her own. So look for everyday practice opportunities such as during the car pool, standing in a grocery line, participating in a play group, or during chore time. Here are examples of how parents have reminded kids to practice the new skill