Making and Keeping Friends
The rewards of friendship could fill an entire book they have, in fact, filled many. Friends help your daughter learn characteristics such as loyalty and compassion. They help her discover who she is and how she relates to others. Friends are her first, nonfamilial opportunity to learn what it means to give and receive love. In this section, we focus on three aspects of friendship that help draw out more of who your daughter is and help her feel freer to let that person emerge
Friendships are so much harder for girls. We have to try to make other girls like us. We have to be really nice. Boys just play basketball, say, 'What up, dude ' and they're friends. This statement was one girl's feeling on the hardest part of being a girl. Girls expend an enormous amount of energy from twelve to fifteen making and maintaining friendships. Friendships take on a whole new level of importance in the life of a Narcissistic-age girl. Several years ago, a family came in for counseling with three girls. one was in fifth grade, one in seventh, and one in tenth. The parents were getting a divorce. The youngest and the oldest daughters were torn up about it. For their first appointment, all they could do was cry. The middle daughter in seventh grade, however, was entirely different. She came in and told us she was fine with her parents' divorce. What she really wanted to talk about was her friend who was mad at her. The middle daughter did grieve her parents' divorce several...
Huge appreciation is also sent to a few loyal, dedicated professionals who have always been there for me and have become such personal friends especially Annie Leedom, president of www.netconnectpublicity.com, for her wonderful steadfast friendship, continual optimism, and most appreciated encouragement you're loved,Annie. Anybody looking for the absolute best Internet publicity campaigns need search no further than Anne Leedom. I also thank Adrienne Biggs of Biggs Publicity for her continual support and creative ways of acquiring great publicity leads that somehow always turn golden, and Steve Leedom, of www.nowimagine.net, for creating my gorgeous Web site, www.moralintelligence.com, and being so available to talk me through the most annoying computer glitches.Thanks also to Celia Rock and Dottie DeHart of the world's best publicity agency, Rocks-DeHart Public Relations, for fabulous ideas and incredible campaigns. Special, special thanks to Dottie DeHart.Wow, does she know...
Although it's really important to have a bunch of friends your own age, it's also good to have other friends. They can be your age, older or younger. You can make them at school, at sporting activities outside school, in your neighbourhood, at dance, drama or martial-arts classes, in religious organisations, Scouts or at holiday camps. Just like your parents, you can make friends in a variety of places who will extend your social life, make you more interesting and support you when your schoolmates are being difficult. Organise outings where she can socialise with others her own age. This helps create friendships anywhere and builds social confidence. Children's social needs vary and grow as they mature. You can fill out this social score sheet. Then ask your child's teacher to compare it to the peer group. The teacher may know if your child is socially competent or requires improvement. Some teachers may use a sociogram (or friendship chart) to illustrate your child's social standing...
Oh, said Sleek-Fin, seeming a little sad at first. Then, brightening up, he added, Maybe there is a way we could make it work. If you sat on my back near my fin I could take you for a ride without ducking under water and getting you wet . . . well, without getting you too wet . . . maybe. As Fred laughed and enjoyed his ride on Sleek-Fin's back, he thought this was one fun way to make friends doing something that both of you can enjoy together. Almost as ifreading his mind, Sleek-Fin said, I've been thinking about it, too. You know, there are a couple of things that you need to avoid ifyou want to make friends. You see Leaper out there he asked, pointing with his nose out toward the sea. Fred had already seen Leaper riding the waves, standing up almost vertically on his tail as he finned his way down. He watched as Leaper caught the next wave and did a backward somersault over the top of it. Sleek-Fin said, It doesn't help to show off. Leaper doesn't have many friends because he...
Lonesomeness is often experienced on a very deep and painful level by adolescents and young adults. The tendency exists to look for a solution to this problem by establishing very demanding and often exhausting friendships. A senior in high school told her group about a friendship that was much as Henri Nouwen described exhausting, demanding, and clingy. As she talked, I (Sissy) watched other girls in the room connect with her story. I asked the girls, all of whom were juniors and seniors in high school, how many of them had been in this kind of dependent friendship. Every one of them raised their hand. This is a part of the evolution of the friendship of girls. I (Melissa) met with a frightened mom of a teenage girl. She described the way her daughter, Emily, acts with her best friend. She is over at our house constantly. She stays for dinner and spends the night. They want to be together all the time. When they are together, they whisper continually. The other night, they were...
Max was born with special needs that gave him only eleven short years of life. But his parents accepted his weaknesses and made sure that they never got in the way of his potential for friendship, fun, education, activities, joy, humor, human love and acceptance, warmth and connection. Max was a well-adjusted child who truly fulfilled his potential as much as possible.
In outdoor programs, kids are taught to work as a group and rely on one another. At the same time they learn respect, camaraderie, friendship, and an appreciation for the environment. Such programs help children gain maturity, but it takes a certain type of child to do well.
Assign the parents to diffuse the negative influence of peer role models by explaining to the child that popularity is overrated during the school years and that true friendship based on shared interest, support, and mutual enjoyment lasts well beyond senior high school.
When Ben first attended the Child Development Centre as a tiny, immobile baby, parents were given the opportunity to sit and have coffee and leave their children to play with the toys whilst they chatted to other parents. Ben however made that difficult. He screamed incessantly and so I spent the majority of my time rocking him backwards and forwards in a bid to quieten him and give other parents and myself some peace. Other parents were sympathetic but Ben made far more noise than the other children .except for one little girl. She sat with flaming red cheeks and gave Ben a good run for his money Her mother and I got chatting amidst the howls and screams of Ben and Emma-Jane and we became good friends.
Alternatively, if you are using bullying behaviours, you show that you need to be in control and expect to be obeyed. You attract false, temporary friends who suck up to you to be safe, and then gossip behind your back. You risk payback. Once you learn how to communicate with respect and empathy, you will attract genuine friendships.
Take a photograph of your child's special strengths in action. If your child is athletic, a good friend, and reliable, the photos might be of your child hitting a baseball, playing with friends, and taking care of her pets. Frame the snapshots and put them around your child's room, on the refrigerator, or right in the middle of your coffee table. Just be sure you describe her strength when you explain why you framed the photograph. Even if you forget to remind her of the talent each day, she'll see the image.
Financial and social stresses adversely affect the general well-being and health of parents and demand attention and emotional energy from them (Magnuson and Duncan, in Vol. 4 of this Handbook). These circumstances, in turn, may reduce their attentiveness, patience, and tolerance toward children (Crnic and Low, in Vol. 5 of this Handbook). Emotional integration or isolation from potential support networks mitigates or exacerbates these effects in new parents (Cochran and Niego, in Vol. 4 of this Handbook). Social support consists of the people who are important in a parent's life, including a spouse or significant other, relatives, friends, and neighbors (Jennings, Stagg, and Connors, 1991). Social support can improve parenting satisfaction, affecting the availability of mothers to their infants as well as the quality of mother-infant interactions (Bradley and Whiteside-Mansell, 1997). Well-supported mothers are less restrictive and punitive with their infants than are less...
In addition to these regular, local opportunities to find a community and pass on values for your freethinking family, there are opportunities like Camp Quest (www.camp-quest.org). Camp Quest offers week-long summer camp programs that combine traditional summer camp activities like swimming, arts and crafts, and canoeing with educational activities focused on secular ethics, critical thinking, freethought heroes, and scientific inquiry. Kids have an opportunity to meet other kids from freethinking families, and the friendships that they form are often long-lasting. For many kids, the community they find at camp lets them know that their family isn't alone, and the opportunity to interact with other kids their own age about these topics helps them develop their values and beliefs.
When you accept yourself as you are, including all your good and bad bits, your self-esteem is positive and productive. It means that you value your own needs and feelings before you can respect the needs and feelings of others. This doesn't mean that you are arrogant or 'up yourself', it just means that you are realistic and less vulnerable. Then you can give to others, obtain support, make friends and block bullies. If you feel good about yourself, you know that things will work out. You can laugh if someone hits a sensitive spot, and you can analyse the bully's game in order to take action.
Tell your child Be aware that you create real problems when kids try to be friendly with you and you reject their invitations to play. They may retaliate by teasing or excluding you. Besides, if you want to know how to make friends or block bullies, you need to adjust your behaviour according to the feedback you receive from other children. You can't do this if you are belly-button watching.
We would also help her see that her value goes beyond the boundaries of her physical being. Girls with eating disorders need to see that they have things to offer besides their physical appearance and their perfect performance. They can be good friends . . . they can volunteer with younger children . . . they can be artists who don't have to color inside the lines.
Others to make sure you have identified all your feelings and behaviours. Look for these painful feelings all over your body they could be hiding anywhere, inside or out. They are your survival instinct, warning you to confront or leave the bullying game. These feelings empower you to protect yourself and get help. You will go on to release the painful feelings, share your story with those you trust, work out your options, block the bullying and improve your friendships.
If a child needs time out for processing certain life events, is it helpful to assist him in finding a time, a place, and the means for doing so If a child wants or needs to develop problem-solving skills, would it be beneficial to set her an assignment such as exploring a maze, bicycling around an unfamiliar suburb, doing a jigsaw, or tackling another kind of puzzle If the therapeutic goal is building a new skill, whether in bladder control, aggression management, or saying no to a drug supplier, could the child first build competency in a metaphoric task like learning to juggle, ride a unicycle, or sail a wind-surfer If children want to stop biting their nails, or grow friendships, would it be helpful to set them the experiential metaphor of buying a seedling and learning what is necessary for its healthy growth and development (How do you prevent insects from eating it What does it need to nurture it )
As childhood is a time of rapid development, Holmbeck, Greenley, and Franks (2003) consider kour therapeutic subjects to be developmental moving targets. Not only do the developmental stages change rapidly, but there is a wide variation within each of those stages. Take any two children of the same age and you are likely to see marked differences in their developmental levels, cog-nitively, educationally, behaviorally, emotionally, physically, and socially. There are so many life skills children need to acquire that they are likely to develop some well and some not so well. Although one child might be performing well at school, he might be withdrawn and isolated in a social sense. Another may have an extensive range of quality friendships but be behind in academic achievement.
There is a difference between real friends and casual friends. Casual friends come and go, whereas true friends really care about you. They show their commitment by maintaining regular contact, e.g. spending lunchtimes together, after-school visits, sleepovers. They invest in their friendship and don't expect more than they give. They mend their disappointments and have reasonable expectations. They don't take one another for granted but give each other space because they're not padlocked together. They forgive, forget and move on. Are you and your friends committed to your friendship Although children banter and muck around, your friends may bully you or may not protect you when someone is bullying you. If they don't respect your feelings when you tell them how you feel, using the 'I' word, then they are not a true friend. Then it's better to find friends who can respect and help you.
The stories here seek to address questions like, What do you do when you find yourself caught in the middle of a conflict, such as a parental battle for custody of you How do you effectively make and maintain friendships How do you learn to work cooperatively with other people When faced with an impasse, how can you negotiate a solution How do you learn to take time for yourself How do you find ways of expressing tenderness, or learn how to put yourself in someone else's place
Your decision about location will depend on what's available and what you think will work for your family. If there's a lack of care for young children in your neighborhood, for instance, you may want to search along your way to work. As children get older, their friendships with other children become more important, so if you have a schoolage child, you may want to look for a location in your home neighborhood or closer to school.
You will want to have a warm relationship with anyone who plays such an important role in your family. You are hiring a person, not a robot. You may want to remember her family as well as her with small gifts for the holidays. Be willing to contribute positively to the relationship. Provide adequate time off, and encourage your caregiver to do things that are important to her - for example, make friends, take classes, have hobbies, and exercise. In-home industry professional organizations, such as the International Nanny Association (INA) and the National Association of Nannies (NAN), provide support and networking for interested caregivers on a national, regional, and local level. Homesickness and loneliness are the two major reasons caregivers leave their positions.
Your face is like the instrument panel of a plane. It has hundreds of fine muscles which communicate what you think and feel. You use them to make friends and socialise with your family and other nice people. When they know what you think and feel, they can trust you with their thoughts and feelings. If you don't express yourself, you will be shy and lonely because most people don't bother using guessing games to socialise. You also need the fine muscles of your face to show your fear and frustration and to ask for help.
Many children don't know how to be friendly, to make and keep friends. This means that you don't choose true friends. When you need friends, they've disappeared or do nothing. Besides, when you have friends, even if they are a bunch of ' nerds', you are less likely to be targeted because you belong to a group and you're not a loner. Share empathy - this builds a real connection and is the basis of caring friendships. Friends show real care for one another and say what they think, feel and want. Plan - 'Let's do '. You need to make arrangements and spend time regularly with friends, either on the phone, via the Internet or in person to build a friendship.
For a girl to have a friendship with a boy helps boys become not quite so foreign. She learns more about who they are and how To have friendships with the opposite sex also helps girls and boys see each other as people rather than objects. Girls will sometimes say, I want a boyfriend, when it is more about the title than it is about the person. Boys will want a girlfriend for the benefits that come with her, rather than to know her and spend time with her. As they get to know each other as friends, the playing field is leveled, and they are able to relate to each other less out of fear and more out of choice.
This is a problem we see often in adolescent girls. It has to do with the girl-boy-girl-boy phenomenon. They bounce back and forth from friendships to exclusive dating relationships, and, in these kinds of dating relationships, it is almost as if they have tunnel vision.
So what are other options Thankfully, many schools are becoming aware of the perils of girls' relationships. An elementary school in Nashville is having banquets where they create knights and princesses who have committed not to bully others. School counselors are meeting with groups of girls to help them work through issues and develop compassion. Culturally, we are reaping positive benefits of the media portrayal of girls' friendships.
Our take The Landmark Volunteers mean business when it comes to community service, and they expect the most out of students. This is a great opportunity for students who need to complete community service hours for high school credit. The small teams are a great place for your student to meet and make friends as well. Kids leave the program with a feeling of accomplishment. The team experience alone will be an excellent opportunity for your kid to find great friends.
As socially excluded children often lack relationship-making skills, it is important that you, or perhaps the school counselor, help your child with concrete advice on how to go about making friends with peers. Sometimes a child (especially the provocative victim of bullying) behaves in a way that irritates and provokes those around him or her. In such cases, you have the task of carefully, but firmly and consistently, helping your child find more suitable ways of reacting and interacting in friendship groups.
The child who has a bunch of good friends and is generally friendly and caring to others is highly unlikely to be bullied. If a child is bullied, he or she should disguise their anger or fear and respond in a neutral manner - like confronting an animal. Targets of bullying must not show their distress. If the bullying is bad, they must get help from adults. When adults are slow to protect them, including parents, the targets must continue reminding them until the target(s) feel safe.
Children need exposure to some germs to build their physical resilience. Similarly, training them to deal with school bullies equips them for managing pushy friends, aggressive bosses, controlling partners and others. Bully blocking is a basic life survival skill. Conversely, once a child stops bullying others, he is more likely to attract respect, success and true friendships. And once children have the social confidence and skills to protect themselves, they can take risks, increase their social adventures and widen their social circle.
Taught as the guide words for living in this diverse world of ours. It has been a haven for me as an agnostic, a place to raise my family in community and to find friends who have supported me in this journey we call life. Thanks to Rev. Dr. Kendyl Gibbons for her inspiration and friendship, to my kids who make me stretch, and to my husband who has made this life meaningful, loving, and fun.
When we were walking out of the church, Mrs. Parker, one of my old teachers gave us each a little bear. I was so depressed. Because of all my family had done together, we were like best friends. After the funeral we invited lots of people to celebrate what a great person Dad was.
Our take This is an amazing, unparalleled course of study that is packed with activity and the challenge responsibility of operating a boat. When asked about the social side of the program and if the kids get along, we were told that the demands of the program and the ocean were a great leveler and led to camaraderie. The kids learn to operate as a group and rely on each other, which helps build respect and friendship. The Ocean Classroom takes place during the school year, and students receive high school credit (some programs give college credit). Not only are the students involved in the work, they are also learning the process while getting hands-on experience. The exotic locations allow students to closely observe habitats that can't be seen in the United States. This is an excellent program for kids interested in the sea, but our feeling is that it is a life-changing program for any student who can meet this kind of challenge.
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