Melissa Trevathan Sissy Goff

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ZONDERVAN

Raising Girls

Copyright © 2007 by Melissa Trevathan and Helen Stitt Goff

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Zondervan.

AER Edition January 2009 ISBN: 978-0-310-57038-7

Requests for information should be addressed to:

Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Trevathan, Melissa, 1950-

Raising girls / Melissa Trevathan and Sissy Goff. p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN-13: 978-0-310-27289-2 ISBN-10: 0-310-27289-0

1. Parenting — Religious aspects — Christianity. 2. Child rearing — Religious aspects — Christianity. 3. Girls. 4. Teenage girls. I. Goff, Sissy, 1970- II. Title.

BV4529T745 2007

248.845 — dc22 2006039536

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New international Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

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All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means —electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other — except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Published in association with the literary agency of Alive Communications, Inc., 7680 God-dard Street #200, Colorado Springs, CO 80920, www.alivecommunications.com.

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Contents

Foreword by Cindy Morgan

5

Raising Girls: An Introduction

9

PART ONE:

What's Normal, What's Not

1.

What's Going On?

17

2.

The Discovery Years: Birth to Five

23

3.

The Adventurous Years: Six to Eleven

44

4.

The Narcissistic Years: Twelve to Fifteen

68

5.

The Autonomous Years: Sixteen to Nineteen

93

PART TWO:

What's Going On with Her

6.

The Longing for Relationships

117

7.

Family Ties

130

8.

Girl-Boy-Girl-Boy

150

9.

The Winds of Change

170

PART THREE:

How Can I Help?

10.

Seeing Clearly

195

11.

Catching the Vision

208

12.

Enjoying Each Other?

221

13.

Naming Girls

236

Recommended Reading

245

Acknowledgments

247

Notes

249

Index

251

About the Publisher

257

Share Your Thoughts

258

For the girls who have helped raise us: Kathleen, Mady, Libby, Olivia, Savannah, Mary Dea, Mamie, Brittney, McClain, Anne Mason, Ellie, Meredith Laine, Anna Grace, Mary Holland, Noel, Molasses, and all of the Daystar interns and girls who are too many to mention but have offered their laughter and hearts to inspire this book.

A couple of Wednesdays ago, my three-year-old daughter, Savannah, and I were making the most of an overcast day off by doing chores. We cleaned my car and Savannah, being a generous and sweet-spirited girl, had offered to help.

In a comfortable silence with only the sound of the wind, the birds, and an occasional passing car, we worked. I vacuumed happy meal crumbs and wiped off leftover ice cream from the seats while Savannah attempted, with a small washcloth, to clean the outside of our large gas-guzzling SUV. She was so enormously proud of her work that she would stop every few minutes to proclaim "Mommy, look! I'm the best cleaner in the whole world!"

As any mother would, I heartily agreed, taking a moment each time to carefully examine her work before giving the well-deserved praise she was waiting for.

I watched her face as she cleaned, her golden brown hair a mess, wearing a well-worn princess gown. With tears welling up in my eyes, I said, "I love you, Savannah"

To my surprise, she said, "Why do you always say that?"

"Well . . . ," I said, taking a moment to meet her question with a deserving answer, "I tell you because sometimes I feel so full of love that I have to let it out and let you know how I feel."

"You mean, you're afraid I'll forgot." (Yes, she said, "forgot.")

"That's right, babe, I want to make sure you know all the time."

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