Child Development Ebook

Parenting Teens Special Report

Parenting Teens Special Report

Top Parenting Teenagers Tips. Everyone warns us about the terrible twos, but a toddler does not match the strife caused once children hit the terrible teens. Your precious children change from idolizing your every move to leaving you in the dust.

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Smart Parenting Guide

This ebook from Daniel Dwase gives you the very best tips and information about how to raise your children in such a way as to get smart, responsible, caring, and loving children. If you have problems disciplining your children, this is the book for you. You don't have to be concerned about your children running amok; Dwase gives you the insight that you need to make sure that your children turn out well in the end. This ebook lets you give your child the best gift that you ever could: a loving, nurturing, healthy and loving childhood. By building a quality relationship with them, you will be able to raise a child that continues that relationship into adulthood. Building a quality relationship is the best way to give your child a healthy future and a loving family. You will both empower your child to succeed and reduces behavioral problems Start building your child's future today!

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Author: Daniel Dwase
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Keep your child informed about when youre available to help

Let your family know in advance about any projects, meetings, out-of-town trips, and obligations you have coming up. You may want to hang up a calendar on which both adults and kids pencil in important dates. That way, kids can plainly see when you're free and plan their requests for help accordingly. (This kind of coordination can take a little effort But eventually, with experience, your child will learn not to expect help searching for information on a project on an evening when you're scheduled to do something else )

First transform your childs attitudes

Tell your child Imagine that a few negative computer programs were implanted into your brain a long time ago. It's time to trash the old stuff that makes a bully happy. Now visualise yourself installing a new program into your brain which takes away the bully's power. This program empowers you to maintain strong eye contact, look confident, act assertively and give neutral retorts. Once you change the game, you are far less likely to become bully fodder.

Single parenting today

The demands of raising children on your own, combined with the responsibility of holding down a job, may leave you little time to step back and reflect on how you and your children are doing. You may feel tired, frazzled, and you may wonder how you'll manage it all work and personal responsibilities, time with your children, time for yourself, time for other relationships. You may feel guilty for not raising your children in a home with two parents present. As you cope with these and the many other issues described in this booklet, it may help to remember that you are hardly alone. Twenty-six percent of children in the U.S. today are being raised by a single parent, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Twelve million American families are headed by a single parent, and more than 2.4 million grandparents and other relatives are raising children in this country. In Canada, more than 1 million children (one in five) were reported living with a single parent in 2001, and that number is...

The Twelve Qualities Your Child Needs for a Life Thats Happily Ever After

Look at your child and try to picture him or her in twenty-five years as a grown-up. What do you see Does your son or daughter have these twelve essential qualities Yes, each of our kids is born with a certain temperament and genetic predisposition. Certainly there are some things about our kids' development that are not under our control but many are. And that's why you can use the 12 Simple Secrets of Real Mothering to foster the qualities your child needs for a life that's happily ever after.

Culture and parenting strategies

Children's behaviors are guided by culture. Good behavior in one culture may be considered bad behavior in another culture.Ways of parenting and disciplining children vary in different cultures.What is good parenting in one culture may be poor parenting in another culture. In the United States, for example, many families value independence and a strong will.These characteristics are seen in children who help make decisions and express their feelings to others. In many Eastern countries, children are expected to be obedient and to respect authority figures.The parenting styles in each culture will focus on raising children to meet cultural standards. Parenting styles and children's typical responses -high control- Parenting styles and children's typical responses -high control-

Ongoing Parental Involvement Is Key to Your Childs Healthy Development

Laurence Steinberg is one of the country's most distinguished psychologists, a professor of psychology at Temple University, and author of The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting. He says, The strongest and most consistent predictor of children's mental health, adjustment, happiness, and well-being is the level of involvement of their parents in their life. Children with involved parents do better in school, feel better about themselves, are less likely to develop emotional problems, and are less likely to take risks or get into trouble. There is nothing more important to your child's psychological development than your deep and sustained involvement. This is true whether your child is an infant, a teenager, or at any point in between. versation with one of my sons before school was just certain to create friction. I swear the kid didn't physically wake up until noon. I also realized that the best time was at 4 30 P.M. in front of the refrigerator. And that's exactly where I placed...

And Encourage Kids to Value What They Have

Praise is one of the oldest parenting strategies, but research finds that only certain kinds really enhance behavior and changes attitudes. Psychologist Joan Grusec found that kids who were frequently praised by their mothers whenever they displayed generous behavior actually tended to be less generous on a day-to-day basis than other children.Why More than likely, the children weren't personally committed to the trait in this case, generosity that their moms were praising them for.Without their moms' encouraging words, there was really no reason for them to continue doing generous actions on their own, because their good behavior was guided by social approval and not their own internal convictions. Encourage your kids' charitable actions, but be conscious of how you praise and what you say so they understand the value of the deed.

Being sensitive to your childs needs

Your young child depends on you completely. His fear of a new person coming into the family is real and deserves your sympathy, even though you might also feel impatient. Your child is wondering, How will this affect me You need to give constant reassurance. One mother started dating, and after her fourth date with the same man her 7-year-old son asked, Why are you going out with him again Last night I dreamed you got married and had a new baby and forgot about me. While your children are your first and foremost priority, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy a personal life. It's understandable to want the company of another adult to whom you are attracted. Keep in mind that dating is a time of exploration and fun for you not a daddy-or mommy-shopping venture. Make sure you're ready. Broach the topic of dating with your child before you actually start seeing someone. For example, you can say that you met a new friend with whom you are planning to have dinner. Don't introduce this person...

Be sure your child knows where and how to reach you or another adult at all times

Never leave home without following this fundamental rule. Post important phone numbers in a visible place near the phone. Before you walk out the door, give your child detailed written instructions about where you will be, how long you will be gone, a phone number where you can be reached, and the number of a nearby friend or neighbor your child can call for help. Do this whether you are leaving for ten minutes or for several hours. It might help to fill out the card at the back of this booklet and leave it next to the telephone. Your child also needs the emergency numbers for Fire and Police and the Poison Control Center. Remember to write this information out clearly, in large letters, so that it's easy for your child to read. If you are difficult to reach at work, be sure you have made arrangements for how a message will get through to you if your child calls and needs you. 6 Review first-aid basics with your child and make a first-aid kit. Children can be taught to cope with some...

Comparing types of child care

Knowing more about all the types of care that are available to you may help you decide what seems best for your child. It will also give you more choices when you need to find backup care, when your child grows older and needs or wants a different kind of care, or if your work schedule changes and you need to make new care arrangements. Family child care homes Family child care homes typically care for up to six children, including the caregiver's own young children. The care is offered in the home of the person who provides the care, who is often called a provider. Large family child care homes, an option in some states, usually have one caregiver and one assistant providing care for 7 to 12 children in the home of the caregiver. Child care centers and nursery schools Child care centers offer care to groups of children in a facility that isn't the provider's home. They are often open all day, year-round, to cover the hours needed by working parents. They offer children a place to...

Finding mentors and role models for your child

Does your child have mentors and role models in his or her life A role model is anyone your child trusts, admires, and respects a neighbor, family friend, teacher, older relative, or someone from your community. A mentor listens and gives good advice, spends time with your child, helps your child make good choices, offers encouragement, and helps your child set and reach goals. Many children need more than one adult voice in their lives. The lessons and values you are trying to teach your child will be more credible if they are reinforced, especially as your child gets old enough to question what he or she is told. Even if a mentor's advice is not exactly what yours might be, a solid, dependable adult will bring some balance and enrichment into your child's life. Be sure to carefully screen any adult or young adult who will be mentoring or spending time with your child. Here's how to find a mentor Look for someone in your circle of friends, family, and community. A friend without...

Your Childs Strengths

Take a photograph of your child's special strengths in action. If your child is athletic, a good friend, and reliable, the photos might be of your child hitting a baseball, playing with friends, and taking care of her pets. Frame the snapshots and put them around your child's room, on the refrigerator, or right in the middle of your coffee table. Just be sure you describe her strength when you explain why you framed the photograph. Even if you forget to remind her of the talent each day, she'll see the image. 2. Hold a strength talk. Remind your child each night by having a one-minute strength talk. Hold your child's hand in yours and let each of her fingers be a reminder of one of her unique strengths You are good at so many things you're artistic, kind, responsible, a hard worker, and have such a wonderful smile. One mom told me the strength talk became an evening ritual her kids loved so much that they begged her to write their special strengths on each of their...

Ask your child what she thinks will happen next in a story

Ask about favorite parts. Help your child relate the story to his own life. Answer his questions about characters or events. 6 Build a library, or book collection, for your child. Look for books at bookstores, garage sales, used bookstores, and sales at the library. Suggest that people give books to your child as birthday gifts and on other special days.

Seven Simple Ways to Keep Your Kids Talking So You Can Listen More

Some kids (particularly boys) are more responsive to talking when they are doing something active. So find active things your child likes to do (fishing, kicking around a soccer ball, building with Legos, shooting baskets), and talk together. 2. Talk about your child's interests. Try tailoring the conversation around your child's interests her CD collection, his baseball cards, her Strawberry Shortcake doll, his Power Ranger collection. It might be a great entr e to a discussion about what's really going on in your kid's life. 3. Go to your kid's zone. If you want some one-on-one talking time with your kid, then go to a place your kid enjoys the mall, the batting cage to practice his swing, the golf range to hit a bucket of balls, a favorite parlor for ice cream. Your child will be more relaxed because she's in her territory and just might be more likely to open up. Make skillful use of your questions so that your child must respond with more than a...

Planning your childs homealone day

For your home-alone plan to work, you and your child will need to set up a clear plan for how your child's day will be spent. You want to strike a balance between giving your child a reasonable degree of freedom and setting limits. You will want to talk about privileges and responsibilities, play time and work time. You will also need to go over ground rules and expectations. Remember that most children need a lot of help and guidance learning to structure their free time. The more clear and explicit you are with your child, the happier you all will be. Sit down and decide together what your child will be expected to do while you are away. This is the time to go over household responsibilities, caring for a family pet, homework rules, and rules about watching a younger sibling. What will your child's privileges be Will he be allowed to watch TV Use the computer and the Internet Talk for long stretches on the telephone As you help your child organize and plan his time alone, try to...

Your Kids Efforts Even When Youre Not There

You had a late meeting. Your child fell asleep. Or you just plain forgot to affirm your kid's efforts today. Well, there are no more excuses or guilt. Here are a few simple ways to acknowledge your children's efforts even when you're miles away or they're asleep. 3. Post-it message. Keep a set of self-adhesive notes handy to stick brief messages to your child everywhere Your room looks great. You put a lot of time into straightening out that closet. Kudos to you Love, Mommy. 4. PillowGram. Slip a message under your child's pillow Ben, I loved looking at your schoolwork today. I know 5. Photograph note. Want a great way to use that new digital or cell phone camera Take a shot of your child's effort the bed finally made or his practicing shooting hoops or piano, and hang it on your refrigerator with a brief affirming note Saw you practicing out there. You're getting better with every shot Even a toddler will appreciate the photo and can see that you...

Handling child care problems

Chances are you will find an arrangement that will provide a good experience for your child. But there is always the remote possibility that you may find something wrong. If you start having problems with your child care, you'll want to be prepared to take appropriate action.

Recognizing quality child care

When looking for child care for the first time, it can be hard to know what to look for and ask about. You'll need to find care you can afford and that covers the hours you need to work, of course. But you also need to find care that's good for your child and that you trust. Research into child care quality has identified a handful of key factors that you can use to weigh the quality of your child care options. Child adult ratio (the number of children per adult in a child care arrangement). This ratio is important because it has a direct impact on how much individual attention your child receives and how well his needs are met. Most experts feel that one family child care provider should care for no more than six children (a ratio of 6 1), and no more than two of those children should be under the age of 15 months. In child care centers, the recommended ratio for children under the age of 15 months is 3 1, and should never be more that 4 1. The people who give the care. Whether...

Deciding whether your child is ready

Just as you would never let your child jump off a diving board until he knows how to swim, you want to provide your child with the safest experience possible before leaving him home alone. There is a process behind preparing a child for this independent new phase. You want to be sure your child is mature enough to handle an emergency. And that he feels comfortable being left alone. Some of these are skills that must be practiced and developed over time. You also want to be certain there is an adult nearby your child can turn to for help. And that your neighborhood and house or apartment are as safe as possible. Here are some of the things to consider as you decide whether your child is ready Being able to handle an emergency. This is the single most important consideration in deciding if your child is ready to care for himself. Bear in mind that good decision-making under duress, or during a crisis, is something most young children are developmentally unprepared to do, according to...

Giving Your Child Wait Time i real mom wisdom

Mary Budd Rowe, a noted educator, discovered that children need wait time-more time to think about what they hear-before speaking. So whenever you ask a question or give a request, remember to wait at least three seconds for your child to think about what she heard. She will absorb more information, be more likely to respond, and probably give you a fuller answer. That also means, Mom, that during those three seconds you need to wait patiently and continue to give your kid your full presence. Just to see how well you're doing, the next time you ask your child a question, time yourself How many seconds are you waiting until you get impatient for her immediate response Stretch your wait time.

What Can You Do If Your Child Is a Bully

Being informed by the school or another source that your child is bullying other students may be a difficult fact to face. Making excuses and playing down your child's behavior will not help him or her. On the contrary, you should act quickly for the sake of the victim and for your own child's future. As mentioned earlier, children who are aggressive toward their peers are at high risk for what is known as anti-social development, including criminality and misuse of alcohol, tobacco, and illegal drugs at a later stage in their lives. It is, therefore, important to take time now to guide your child on to positive paths. Make it quite clear that you take bullying seriously and will not accept the continuation of this behavior. If both you and the school show consistently negative reactions to the child's bullying, the chances that your child will change are increased. Try to set up some simple rules for family interactions. Whenever your child...

Talking with a family child care provider

It's important to find out what a typical day would be like for your child. A family child care home should give children a choice of activities they can participate in at different levels. Will there be the right mix of activity and quiet time, of being with other children and playing alone, of predictability and routine, for your child Will the children be able to play outside every day Fresh air helps cut down the spread of sickness between children and the outdoors can provide a great place to learn. Will the provider be taking the children outside of or away from the home Some providers drop off and pick up children at elementary school. Others may run errands during the day, or plan field trips to the post office or fire station. If your child will be staying with the provider in the evening or overnight, be sure to talk about bedtime routines. It's also important to ask about and make sure you and your child feel comfortable with any other people who may be in the home older...

Four Steps to Restoring a Healthy and Loving Relationship with Your Child

Here are a few ideas to help you get started in making a healthy and loving relationship become a reality. Your goal is to reestablish a relationship with your child. Eventually you can dream of spending a happy weekend together. At the present you want to reopen your relationship and get him to open up for a minute or two longer. So think brief no lectures get real. Step One Find the Best Time to Approach Your Child. When is the one time your child is a bit more receptive Preadolescents and teens, for instance, are almost always in different time zones than adults. I finally realized that trying to have a serious con-

Take your child to new places and introduce him to new experiences

3 Teach your child the meaning of new words. Say the names of things around the house. Label and talk about things in pictures. Explain, in simple ways, how to use familiar objects and how they work. Help your child to follow directions. Use short, clear sentences to tell him what you want him to do.

Give Your Child What He Needs Not What He Wants

Parents often incorrectly believe that if they don't give their children everything they want, they are depriving them. Loving authority figures want their children to be happy. It is essential, however, to think of your child's wants as entirely different from her needs. She needs the things covered by Principles 1 and 2 touch, eye contact, dedicated time, and appropriate discipline. Give her as much of this as you can. Wants are another issue entirely. Give her something when you believe she has shown you the goods and you think it is appropriate to grant a goodie. This does not mean, though, that you are obligated to grant every one of her wants when she behaves well. In fact, if you do this, your child's personality will suffer. Overindulged children have been given too much or have been given into too often. Giving your child extra time as a goodie (an entire day at the pool, playing with them for an extended period in the backyard, time with them...

What Grade Would Your Kids Give

A 2005 nationwide sample of one thousand teens ages twelve to nineteen were asked to assign letter grades to adults in twenty-four categories. Focus groups of teens then met in Washington, Los Angeles, and Chicago to explain the grades. More than 35 percent of teens surveyed gave poor grades (D's or F's) to adults for failing to listen and understand teens. How would your child grade your listening ability You seem unhappy. This simple act helps your child know you are giving her your full attention, really trying to understand her, and interested in what she has to say. Step Four Provide Reassurance. End your talk with a response that conveys your support or appreciation I hope things work out. That was really interesting. I'm so sorry. I'm here if you need me. I enjoyed that. Wait to see if your child needs anything else advice, a hug, reassurance. He'll be more likely to want to share his ideas and feelings with you because he knows you care and are giving him your full presence.

Handle Your Kids the Way the World Will

Being real means you teach your child that he is not the center of the universe. If you have a child who demands too much, ask yourself, Is he this way because I am afraid to have him not love me Parents must not expect that their children will like them every minute of every day. Parents who need approval, acceptance, or adoration from their children all the time are in for real trouble. These parents are often afraid to deny their child's requests for fear of angering or hearing the dreaded words, Then I won't love you. Love begotten through bribery or blackmail is not genuine. Parents should never beg for their child's love, or try to placate their child by being overly permissive just so he won't be mad at me. If you think this might apply to you, read Chapter 10 about healing your own wounds. Remember that there are two types of love fundamental love and affectionate love. Remind your child that your fundamental love for her is forever, solid, unwavering, and unconditional. At...

Accept Your Childs Emerging Independence

While your child comes from both of his parents, he is also developing into his own being with his own dreams, aspirations, and goals that are likely different from yours. You must be willing to feel separate from your child in order to be able to help him in the best way possible. If your own life is full and you are secure in your identity, it is much easier to hold the following truth close to your heart I have my own life that is separate from my child's and right now I am sharing my life with my child. There's a metaphor I use to help people envision their parenting role and the amount of connection they have with their child. When your child is born, she begins life still connected to her mother through an umbilical cord. For the next few months, you have ultimate control over her every activity and she has no freedoms in her life. The umbilical cord connection between you is still short. In her toddler and preschooler years, the umbilical cord begins to lengthen. During her...

Step Help Your Child Tune into What Makes Others Happy

Grateful hearts are created not from centering on personal needs but centering on others. Help your child focus on what others appreciate. It's an easy but powerful way of boosting his understanding of gratitude, as well as helping him recognize simple ways to make others happy. Here's an example

Older babies and toddlers Helping your child learn to sleep

Between the ages of 6 and 18 months, most babies can sleep for 10 to 11 hours at night, and for 3 to 4 hours during the day, usually in 2 or 3 naps. (Older babies often get all their daytime sleep in a single nap.) Keep in mind that even a baby who sleeps through the night will wake up briefly every 4 hours or so. Whether your child needs you with her to fall asleep at bedtime, or to get back to sleep when she wakes up during the night, can depend on how you help her get to sleep. A bedtime routine that depends on your being there rocking your child to sleep or nursing her as she falls asleep makes you part of the falling How you get your child to sleep at night is a very personal decision, and sometimes one that's difficult to make. All parents want to do what's best for their children and their families, but it's not always clear what that is. What follows is a strategy for teaching your child to get to sleep by herself. You might want to use it every time your child sleeps, or you...

When should I start looking for child care

When you are looking for child care, timing can be important. If you start too early, your arrangements may fall through or no longer fit your needs when you're ready to start care. If you start too late, you may not find the openings you need. The right time to start looking generally depends on several different things, including your child's age, the care that is available in your area, and how much time you can devote to your search. Family child care providers, who offer care in their own homes, may not know very far in advance if they will have an opening. In most areas, six to eight weeks before you need the care is enough time to find a provider. Some providers will not even meet with parents who are looking for care more than two months ahead of time. Child care centers generally have contracts with families and know how many openings they will have about a year in advance. Fulltime openings for infants and toddlers are generally limited, and part-time openings are even...

Communicate to Promote Your Childs Emerging Being

Many parents are unaware of how they really talk to their children. If you need a reality check, put a tape recorder in the room with you and your child and listen to it later alone or with your spouse. You may be amazed to hear someone who sounds like a drill sergeant using your voice Don't do that sit up straight . . . stop that no cut it out be quiet . . . not now I mean it . . . stop acting like that . . . I'm warning you . . . do it this way . . . come on here, like this. . . . Kudos to those parents who have the guts to listen to themselves talk. It takes a great deal of courage to be willing to look at how many times we fail to communicate acceptance to our children. Children who feel unaccepted by us become insecure and under-prepared to face the real world. Four main communication techniques have a huge impact on how prepared your child is to meet the real world Strong emotions are like rivers you can divert them, but not stop them. You cannot ignore or reason away your...

Step Evaluate Your Kids Physical and Mental Health

You moved Is he at a new school Has he been harassed by a bully Are his classmates overly competitive Is he over-scheduled What about a change at home a divorce, death, or illness Is he depressed Did you know that adolescent depression has increased 1,000 percent in the past three decades Could your older kid be experimenting with drugs or drinking, which leaves him tired and debilitated You may discover that your child's lazy attitude is not simply irresponsible or selfish but rather the result of a deeper underlying issue.

Family child care homes

You'll want to meet any family child care providers you're seriously considering and see their homes. Before you call a provider, read over the Questions that follow this section. Try to get a feel for the things that might be most important to you and your child, and jot down any extra questions you want to ask. When you make your call, try asking one or two important questions over the phone. If you like what you hear, agree on a time when you can visit the provider's home. Make a copy of the Questions for each family child care provider you'll be interviewing. When you go for your visit, take your Questions with you. If you jot down some quick notes about the provider's answers and your own impressions during your visit, and then fill out your notes later while your visit is still fresh in your mind, it will help you keep things straight when you're making your important decision about care.

When your child is sick

Children get sick from time to time throughout the year. Preschool children at home catch between six and eight respiratory illnesses (coughs and colds) each year, as well as one or two digestive illnesses (such as diarrhea or an upset stomach). Children in child care centers usually have about the same number of respiratory illnesses, but more digestive illnesses. The number of digestive illnesses is dramatically reduced in those centers with strict hand-washing practices. For a working parent, even minor illnesses can cause enormous difficulties. Children often get sick at unexpected and inconvenient times, and it can be hard to make a quick decision before work about how serious an illness really is. Unless you have found a center or home provider who can take mildly ill children, your child's illness can mean a day or several days at home. Remember to ask whoever is taking care of your child about the policies for mildly ill children. Some family child care homes and centers can...

Inhome child care providers nannies au pairs sitters

If you decide to have someone come into your home to take care of your child, your questions and the things you'll be looking for will have a different emphasis. After all, you already know the atmosphere of your own home. Yet of all the forms of child care, in-home care comes under the least scrutiny by others. You are assuming the role of an employer and must ask all the same things a center director, for instance, might ask prospective child care teachers. Your first step should be to write a job description. Think through your expectations, including specific hours and responsibilities. Make a list of the benefits you are offering, such as vacation time or sick days. Be very specific. During the interview at your home, you'll have a chance to see how the caregiver and your child initially react to one another. Ask as many questions as you need to get a firm idea of the personality and qualifications of the person you're interviewing. When asking questions remember to pay attention...

Managing your childs summer

Many child care arrangements for young children are year-round. But during the summer, your family's schedule and your child care provider's schedule may change. If your provider or program takes a vacation or closes for part of the summer, you'll need to find backup care. And if you have a school-age child, your need for care will change dramatically when school is not in session. Even if you've made plans for the summer, school may end several weeks before a day camp or summer arrangement starts, and you'll need a special plan to cover those weeks. A child care consultant at the program that sent you this booklet can help you look for care, activities, or programs that fit the needs of your family. These might include Here are some general descriptions of words and phrases you may come across as you read through this handbook and search for child care. au pair (American) an in-home care provider who generally lives with a family and provides help with child care and light housework....

Allow Your Kids to Experience and Handle Frustration

If she commits to fulfilling a certain role toward the pet's maintenance, you must hold her accountable. If she doesn't meet her obligation, you must employ the goods-for-goodies method. To let her off the hook is to give her false expectations about the real world. It is essential for parents to teach that there is a link between effort and reward. If the lesson frustrates your child, remember that she is also learning important things. Conflict is the normal state of affairs for adults (should I major in this or that shall I move here or there shall I marry or focus on my career should we have one child or more, etc.). Every day of our adult lives, we must choose one course of action while forgoing other attractive choices. Asking your child to choose between two competing activities, both of which she desires, allows her to learn that a normal human often cannot have their cake and eat it too. For example, you are doing an excellent job of teaching her Principle 3 when you...

Do Not Try to Keep Your Child Happy

Often, when we apply Principle 2 and remove a freedom or favor, our kids become very angry with us. The experience of getting angry with us at times is actually healthy for them. Stick with your decision. Do not crumple because you are afraid of their displeasure. It is healthy for children to experience their sad, mad, or bad emotions with the ones they love. This will teach them the inevitable reality that all humans at times both love and hate those closest to them. Stand firm and teach them that you love them anyway. Remind yourself that you love your child so much you are willing to allow him to be very angry or

Enhancing Parent Child Relationships

At the beginning of this book we looked at the intimacy of the relationship formed when a grandparent sits a child on his or her lap and reads a story, or when a parent sits by a child's bedside at night to tell a tale that may precede a restful slumber. In such situations, there is a special bonding, closeness, and intimacy that exist between teller and listener. When my grandson was younger and I picked him up for our special times together, the words were spilling out of his mouth almost before he was in his seat and had the seat belt fastened Tell me a Fred Mouse story. Fred Mouse helped bond us in a unique relationship. He was a special character who existed only for the two of us, and through whom we could journey on adventures, reflect on experiences of our day, discover new learnings, and explore ways of resolving the problems of childhood. By inviting parents to story-tell, you are indirectly encouraging a process for enhancing the parent-child relationship.

How do I find child care

Regardless of the kind of child care you might be looking for, most searches follow four basic steps. Think about the type of schedule you would like for your child. Will you need full or part weeks, full or part days What is the earliest you may need to drop off and the latest you may need to pick up Decide what you can afford for child care per week or per month. Talk with friends who use child care about how much they pay. You may also be eligible for programs such as a Dependent Care Assistance Plan (DCAP), the child care tax credit, sliding scale fees, discounts, or subsidies, which can help make child care more affordable. Tell everyone you know that you are looking for child care. Ask them to tell you about their experiences and give you references to programs or providers they have used recently. Contact the program that supplied this booklet when you're ready to start your search. A consultant can give you information about child care options in your area, a checklist of...

For family child care and centers

Worth taking the time and effort to straighten out small disagreements. Your employee resource program's child care consultant can help you think through an approach. If no law or regulation is violated, there often will be no legal action you can take. And if the conflict becomes overwhelming and cannot be resolved, you will have to seek another provider.

Step Give Your Kids a Clear Message About Responsible Attitudes

Counted on.They wrote them on index cards, and his kids taped them on their bedroom walls. Develop your own family anthem as a reminder that your family code is always to be responsible and that you expect your kids to convey that belief in their daily actions and attitude. To assess your kids' understanding of those beliefs, pose questions such as these

Step Help Your Child Have Empathy for Her Victims Feelings

Unless she learns to consider the other person's feelings and needs and recognize the discomfort or hurt her unkindness caused the recipient, the attitude is likely to continue. Here are a few questions that help kids reflect on the impact their unkind actions had on their victim's feelings

Changing Societal Conditions as Determinants of Father Child Relationships

A number of society-wide changes in the United States have produced a variety of shifts in the nature of early family relationships. Fertility rates and family size have decreased, the percentage of women in the workforce has increased, the timing of onset of parenthood has shifted, divorce rates have risen, and the number of single-parent families has increased (for reviews see Furstenberg and Cherlin, 1991 Hernandez, 1993 Marsiglio, 1998). In this subsection, the effects of two of these changes timing of parenthood and recent shifts in family employment patterns are explored to illustrate the impact of social change on father-child and family relationships. Exploration of these shifts will serve to underscore an additional theme, namely the importance of considering the historical period or era in which social change occurs. Timing of parenthood and the father's role. Patterns of the timing of the onset of parenting are changing, although those changes are not evident from an...

Step Help Kids Face Their Fears Not Avoid Them Through Manipulation

If your child is using manipulation to avoid something causing anxiety or fear, don't be too quick to let her off the hook. First, think things through. If she is capable of the task and the expectation is fair and reachable, then do not give in. That would be a huge mistake. Instead, insist that she face her fear. A big part of life is learning how to cope, and childhood is the best time to learn how. Do not dismiss your child's fear or punish her for it.The fear is very real. Instead, comfort her by acknowledging that you understand how she feels.Then let her know you believe in her and are confident she can succeed. Be very clear that you will not rescue her, but will help her cope until she prevails. Here are a few ideas to help her face her fears without manipulating her way out Model accepting blame. Help your kid learn how to accept blame for her actions. Start by admitting your own shortcomings so your kids have a model to copy for example This was all my fault I should have...

Paying for child care

Child care is one of the four major expenses of working families, after housing, food, and taxes. It's important to understand the federal tax credits both the Child and Dependent Care Credit and the Earned Income Credit and to learn about any public or private financial help for which you might be eligible. A consultant at the program that sent you this booklet can give you more information about these credits. You can also The federal government gives you a credit for child care on your personal income tax. This credit is equal to 20-30 of your child care expenses, up to 2,400 for one child, or 4,800 for two or more children. To qualify, you must have earned income and the child care must be provided for a child under the age of thirteen so that you (and your spouse, if you are married) may work or look for work. Additional qualifications may apply, so be sure to review IRS requirements fully. These two federal tax credits the Child and Dependent Care Credit and the Earned Income...

Your childs needs

You know that if you want peace of mind about your child's well-being while you work, you must Leaving an infant in someone else's care can be difficult, but it is usually harder for the parent than for the young infant. Finding an arrangement that you feel comfortable with is more important than the age at which your child begins care. Sometime between the ages of 7 and 15 months, you can expect that your baby will become very aware of the difference between you and strangers, as well as the fact that when you are out of sight temporarily you are not gone forever. These stages don't last long, and babies' reactions vary. Many babies become upset whenever their parent leaves the room, even at home. These are normal and important milestones in your baby's development. Although it can be difficult to start a new child care arrangement at this time, these separations and reunions help your baby learn that you will come back again. Generally though, young children pick up on a parent's...

Single Parenting

Merrill, MI Personal Power Press. Noel, B., A. Klein, and A. Klein (1998). The Single Parent Resource. New York Champion Pr. Ltd. Peterson, M. (2003). Single Parenting for Dummies. New York For Dummies. Richmond, G. (1998). Successful Single Parenting. New York Harvest House. Teyber, E. (1992). Helping Children Cope with Divorce. San Francisco, CA Jossey-Bass.

Preparing your child

Once you've chosen care for your child, you'll want to prepare your child and yourself for this important change in your lives. If you have an infant, and you'll be leaving your child in someone else's care for the first time, you can expect that the separation will be hard for you, as it might be for your child. A knowledgeable child care provider will give your baby extra attention and comforting and can also give you some help understanding how to get through this difficult time. Research on mothers and infants suggests that the best child care arrangements occur when the parent is comfortable with her decision to return to work. Children even infants pick up on a parent's feelings, and your baby is more likely to be happy with a child care arrangement if you're happy with it. Remember that finding the right child care arrangement is more important than deciding on the right age to begin child care. No matter who provides it, your child will thrive with good care. If your child is...

Read to your child

Read to your child in a comfortable place. Have her sit on your lap or next to you so that she can see and point to the print and the pictures. Show her that reading is fun and rewarding. 2 Show enthusiasm as you read with your child. Read the story with 3 Read to your child often. Set aside special times for reading each day, maybe after lunch and at bedtime. The more you can read to him, the better as long as he is willing to listen. Reading times can be brief, about 5 to 10 minutes. 4 Talk with your child as you read together. Comment about what's happening in the story. Point to pictures and talk about what's happening in them. When your child is ready, have him tell you about the pictures. Encourage your child to explore books. Give your baby sturdy books to look at, touch, and hold. Allow her to turn the pages, look through the holes, or lift the flaps. As your child grows older, keep books on low shelves or in baskets where she can see them and get them...

Talk to your child

Begin talking and singing to your child from birth. Your baby loves hearing your voice. Play peek-a-boo and pat-a-cake. Recite nursery rhymes or other verses that have strong rhythms and repeated sounds. Sing lullabies and other songs. Ask Where are your toes Then touch your child's toes and say, Here are your toes Repeat several times, then switch to fingers or ears or eyes or the nose. When your child begins to speak, build his language. Encourage your child to talk with you. Ask questions that show you are interested in what she thinks and says. Ask her to share ideas and events that are important to her. Ask her questions that require her to talk, rather than just to give yes or no answers. Listen carefully to what she says. 7 Answer your child's questions. Listen to your child's questions and answer them patiently. Take time to explain things to him as completely as you can. Keep answering questions that your child asks again and again, because children learn from hearing things...

Child care centers

Read over the following Questions sheet before your visit so you can think about the things that are particularly important to you and your child. Add a few notes on anything you really want to check out. Make a copy of the Questions for each center you'll be visiting and take a copy with you when you visit. You probably won't have time to write everything down while you're at the center, but make some quick notes and look them over soon after you come home, when the answers are still fresh in your mind.

Exposing The Big Brat Factor

How are things on your own home front these days Do you ever wonder if your darling cherub could be the next poster child for most spoiled Have you thought (secretly, of course) how much easier selling your kids on eBay would be than raising them for one more minute Do you sometimes feel as though you've become your kids'ATM machine If so, chances are your kid has a big dose of the Big Brat Factor. The Little Princess-Mr. Fresh Prince Syndrome. Do your kids feel they are entitled to get everything they want and rule the roost Do you feel you are running a bed-and-breakfast establishment instead of a home Are you picking up after your kids and doing their chores because you can't bear dealing with their reaction if you ask them to do it themselves (And heaven forbid if you asked your precious offspring to do something for you ) Poor Little Me. Does your child feel so sorry for himself that you find yourself always doing everything for him and expecting very little in return Does he...

YesNoHaving someone live in your home

O O I can afford 250 to 600 per week for full-time child care. If you have any questions about whether in-home child care is the best choice for you, this guide will provide an overview of the entire process of locating, selecting, and working with a caregiver. If you have further questions or need more information about any of the material in this guide, call the program that sent you this booklet.

The Bad Attitude Intelligence Test

Your child's attitudes are predetermined at birth. 2. Your child's attitudes cannot be changed. 3. Your attitude has a lot with your child's attitude. 4. If your child is smart and gets good grades, he's likely to have a good attitude. 5. Being affluent and having a higher education has little to do with your child's good or bad attitude. 8. Your child's attitude is really at the center of her personality, so if you try to change it, you're destroying who she really is. 3. True.That old mantra,attitudes are better caught then taught, is 100 percent correct.Your kids are watching and copying everything you do, even stuff you're not aware of. So watch out, and be ready for change yourself. 4. False. Don't count on it.There's not much connection between your kid's school smarts and having a positive attitude.You have to nurture your child's learning as well as his character. Each is a separate entity. 7. True.You have greater influence over your child's attitude than anything or anyone...

Chapter Parenting Adolescents

Chapter 5 Parent-Child Relationships in Adulthood and Later Years PART II PARENTING CHILDREN OF VARYING STATUS Chapter 10 Parenting and Child Development in Adoptive Families Chapter 12 Parenting Children Born Preterm Chapter 13 Parenting Children with Mental Retardation

From the Sacrificial Mom to the Child Who Can Thrive Without

I was sitting in front of my computer with a phone pressed to my ear, ready to do an online chat for pregnancy.org. For about an hour each month I serve as a parent expert to several mother Web sites and answer an array of questions from mothers all over the country about child development. So let me ask you something Just how satisfied are you right now with your own parenting Seriously. Are you content with the way things are going for your children and your family Are Well, you can and do make a difference in your children's lives. Sixty years of research have proven that parents have a profound effect on their children's emotional, social and intellectual development. The problem is that we mothers have been trying to do so much and be such perfect moms that we've gone way overboard. Many of us have reached the point where we're tired and anxious but still trying to do more and more for our kids. Real mothering doesn't have to be this hard. We really don't have to exhaust our...

The Seven Worst Mistakes In Trying To Change Bad Attitudes

Why isn't your response working Why have none of your methods been successful How can you be sure that your child changes her ways and stops her bad attitudes for good The first thing you must do is rethink how you're going about it now. Here are a few of the most common mistakes you may be making in trying to eliminate the Big Brat Factor in your kids. Not Cultivating a Replacement Attitude. A bad attitude is caused by the absence of a virtue. For example, if a child is insensitive, he lacks empathy. If she is fresh, she lacks respect. Therefore, no bad attitude will change unless your child learns a new attitude to replace it.Without a replacement attitude, chances are the child will revert to her bad old ways. See the Bad Attitude Antidotes and Replacements Chart on page 28.

What Is a Real Mom These Days

I don't know what's happened to motherhood, but something is very different about it from the days I was a young mother I watch my daughter and her friends, and they do so much for their kids. They're exhausted from trying to keep up. It's like they're keeping score with each other. I keep telling her, Enjoy your kids. They don't need all this stuff. They'll turn out fine not because of all this stuff, but because of who you are. She just tells me I'm out of touch, but deep down I think she's starting to realize this frantic pace isn't good for her family. When did mothering get so complicated How did women get so far away from just doing what they know is best for their kids and just plain real mothering What ever happened to lullabies and pat-a-cake 1. New knowledge about child development. We know a lot more about child development than we used to, and everyone agrees that parents do make a difference. What we say and do and how we behave with our children have a huge impact on...

Facing Our Own Hidden Demons

Being selfish, spoiled, or insensitive, a victim of the Big Brat Factor, a member of the bad attitude generation is not just your kid's problem. This crisis is a big crisis for you and your entire family. To help your child change, you need to step back and look at the big picture, and the place to start is by taking a good, honest look in the mirror. I'm trying to be a friend to my kids. I think that's a big part of raising children. These types of hidden attitudes may interfere with your effectiveness as a parent and may influence your children in a negative way.

How were these sheets developed

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

We developed these fact sheets to help grandparents raising their grand-children.We used grandparent experiences and research as guides. Grandparents raising grandchildren are the experts when it comes to their own situations We also talked to professionals in the area of child development and in the field of aging. And we talked to professionals who work with grandparents raising grandchildren in the community. Grandparents and professionals reviewed and commented on earlier drafts of these fact sheets. Our goal was to make the sheets as useful and accurate as possible.

Final Thoughts Before The Big Attitude Makeover

Before starting your first attitude makeover, keep in mind a few points. Remember that attitudes are learned, so they can be unlearned. Helping your child unlearn his own bad atti What is your biggest concern Ask yourself what concerns you most about your child's attitude. Now put yourself in your child's shoes How does he feel How did it affect your relationship with your child What about his relationship with family members or friends who were witnesses What do you wish would change Write your wishes in your Makeover Journal. Now reread those wishes often. Doing so will fuel your desire to change your child's attitude. Which bad attitude will you work on first Which attitudes would you like to tune up most in your child Flip to the Contents in the front of this book, and review the list. Talk to other important caregivers in your child's life to get their opinions. Mark the attitudes that concern you. Choose one that you would like to change now. Granted, there may be several you...

Treatment Plan Utility

Detailed, written treatment plans can benefit the family therapist and other mental health professionals working with parents and their children to address problems interfering with positive parent child relationships, effective discipline, and the functional operation of the family unit. The parents are served by a written plan because it stipulates the issues that are the focus of the treatment process. The treatment plan is a guide that structures the focus of the therapeutic interventions that are essential for the parents and the identified child to progress toward their goals. Since issues can change as the family's circumstances or needs change, the treatment plan must be viewed as a dynamic document that can, and must be, updated to reflect any major change of problem, definition, goal, objective, or intervention. The process of developing an effective treatment plan assists the mental health specialist to consider analytically and critically which therapeutic interventions...

Preventing The Worstcase Scenario Why You Better Start Changing Bad Attitudes Today

Character determines your child's reputation as a human being.Virtues like kindness, empathy, respect, tolerance, perseverance, fairness, and honesty form our children's character, beliefs, and attitudes. Bad attitudes comprise all those vices that counter solid character development disrespect, insensitivity, rudeness, laziness, meanness, and more. Ridding your kid of his bad attitude makes room for those essential virtues to blossom and increases the likelihood of his developing strong character. Create Weaker Coping Skills. Spoiled kids have their every desire catered to, and as a result they are less able to cope with stress. So how will they learn to deal with life's inevitable frustrations and setbacks By always rescuing kids, we actually do them a huge disservice we rob them of learning how to cope. And in today's uncertain world, it may well be one of the most important traits our kids learn. Erode Parent-Kid Relations. How often have you had to deal with...

Developing A Treatment Plan

The process of developing a treatment plan involves a logical series of steps that build on each other much like constructing a house. The foundation of any effective treatment plan is the data gathered in a comprehensive evaluation. As part of the process prior to developing the treatment plan, the family counselor must sensitively listen to and understand what the parents struggle with in terms of family dynamics, cognitive abilities, current stressors, social network, physical health and physical challenges, coping skills, self-esteem, extended family support, and so on. It is imperative that assessment data be drawn from a variety of sources that could include family background and social history, physical and mental health evaluations, clinical interviews, psychological testing, psychiatric evaluation consultation, and assessment of the child's school history and records. The integration of the data by the mental health care provider or team is critical for understanding the...

Sarah Edison Knapp Arthur E Jongsma Jr

The Parenting Skills Treatment Planner The Suicide and Homicide Risk Assessment & Prevention Treatment Planner The College Student Counseling Treatment Planner The Parenting Skills Treatment Planner The Early Childhood Treatment Planner School Counseling and School Social Work Homework Planner Child Therapy Activity and Homework Planner Addiction Treatment Homework Planner, Second Edition Adolescent Psychotherapy Homework Planner II Adult Psychotherapy Homework Planner Parenting Skills Homework Planner

Facing Your Own Bad Attitudes

Where is your kid learning this attitude Could it be from you or your partner Tune into your attitude and that of those close to your child, and look for clues. It may help you discover what's triggering your kid's arrogance. First, look at your own attitude, and think about the kind of example you are sending. For instance, do you brag frequently about your accomplishments or talents in front of your kids Do they hear you boasting about yourself to your partner, relatives, or spouse What about your spouse or relatives Do they display this attitude What do your kids perceive you value more personal character or personal achievements Is your attitude in line with those values Do you emphasize your family's social, financial, or professional status to your kids Do you (and they) have the view that your family is somehow better than other families Do you stress personal accomplishments, grades, athletic prowess, and test results so much to your kids that they might perceive they need to...

Bad Attitude News Alert

A famous study found that nine of ten adults felt that as they were growing up, they had to display a high skill, talent, or special ability in order to gain their parents' love. Might your child be in this category If so, it could very well be a reason for his know-it-all ways. Researchers also found that the need to demonstrate competencies learned in childhood remains a pattern well into adulthood. This time, though, the adult uses his profession as a means of gaining approval and accolades from loved ones. Once again, instead of feeling a sense of quiet, inner confidence in his talents and strengths, he must toot his horn and demonstrate them to others for approval. If this is the case, he is at high risk for developing anxiety, low self-esteem, and the fear of disappointment. Make sure your child knows that your love is based on just who he is and not on that gold star, goal, SAT score, or great grade.

Historical Background

Our research and brainstorming determined that pediatric health care providers, family counselors, family life educators, clergy, family mental health agencies, family courts, adoption agencies, child protection services, day care programs, foster parent programs, private and public school programs, and numerous other mental health care providers who support parents and their children would view a treatment guide focusing on techniques of developing positive parent child relationships as invaluable. Throughout more than a decade of teaching parent education classes, parents frequently ask for recommendations or referrals to independent counselors who would provide ongoing guidance or therapy consistent with the principles taught in the parenting classes. We have aspired to incorporate numerous treatment interventions that will allow the family counselor to offer the same positive and effective strategies for positive discipline, limit setting, effective communication, relationship...

Step Uncover the Source

Here are some common reasons that your child may be so She may feel the need to show off her talents, skills, or intelligence. Have you set a precedent in which your kids display their talents to friends, relatives, or one another She may feel that this is the way to gain your approval. Do you emphasize the concept of what did you get (grades,gold stars, goals, scores) to your kid Do you reinforce or reward (such as with money or privileges) your child's performance She may be self-centered. Have you made your child feel as though no one is as intelligent, talented, or capable as she is Identifying the specific reasons for your child's arrogant attitude will aid tremendously in changing it.

Step Point Out Others Reactions

A big part of changing any habit is for the offender to realize why he should change, and that's a problem with kids. They often have used the attitude so long that they're unaware that arrogance is a real turn-off and doesn't win them any points from friends, teammates, or adults. Help your child recognize how others react to his know-it-all superior ways. Here are a few examples of how you might do so with your child

Creating Your Own Custom Mothering Plan

What I promise to give you in this book is a way to create your own individual, custom-made, best-possible, state-of-the-art plan, called A Mother's Promise, for raising good kids. This Mother's Promise is based not only on what academic and clinical research has proven but also on what hundreds of real moms say matters most and really works. Best yet, if you follow the promise you make to yourself and your children your very own personalized mothering plan you get off the Sacrificial Motherhood Mania bandwagon, become the real mother you know you should be, and raise kids who will not only survive but thrive without you. My greatest hope is that you will apply the simple secrets in this book to your own family. So here are my suggestions Read each story and then take a few minutes to reflect on whether the secret is one you would like to use with your children. If so, continue reading the tips, strategies, and advice other moms give as to how they've incorporated the secret into...

Step Emphasize Character Not Performance

The point is to judge others not on what they have done but based on who they are. That means you need to stress character, not performance. Start with your child, but because modeling is such an important way kids learn, do it also with your whole family. That way you will be more likely to really walk your talk. Here are some ways to emphasize to your kid that in the end, it's his character that matters most Stop rewarding just expect and accept. Stop bribing or rewarding your kid's efforts. The best self-esteem is internalized your child must gain a sense of pride that he accomplished something for the joy of doing it and did it on his own. Also, find a level of expectation that is appropriate for each child's specific ability, temperament, and level of development. Some kids just do better than others at certain things during certain times. Emphasize effort, not the product. Put your acknowledgments into the little steps and efforts your child makes, not the final result. Stress...

Step Acknowledge Others

Arrogant kids often focus on their own strengths and overlook those of others, so a big part of tempering your kid's arrogance is to help him recognize the accomplishments and achievements of others. Here are a few strategies to help your child start looking for the greatness in others and acknowledge it Greet others. The most basic form of acknowledgment is a simple Hello,Good morning, or How are you Promote their use by your child. Though they seem like such minimal gestures, simple salutations are the first steps toward helping kids become more tuned into others and less tuned into themselves. Encourage encouragement. Tell your child that one of the secrets of people who are appreciated (as well as liked) by others is that they frequently encourage others.An arrogant kid may not be aware of supportive, encouraging statements that focus on building others up (instead of themselves), so brainstorm a few together Nice try Super Great job Good game You might even post a list as a...

Step Reinforce Authentic Self Esteem and Humility

Reinforce your child's humility as soon as it happens, and let her know how pleased it makes you feel. Remember that true self-esteem is a quiet, inner contentment in which the child doesn't feel compelled to let others know of her accomplishments and accolades. Nor does she feel the urge to compare herself to others or put the other guy down. Here are some examples

How To Claim Your Prize

If you fh i nk you have aw i nn i ng number, please send a photocopy of your fronf cover, plus your name, address, dayf ime phone number and wh i ch pr i ze you are clai m i ng,fo Practical Parenting May Lucky Numbers, Anna Hargreaves, Room 1635, IPC Med i a Lfd, Ki ng's Reach Tower, Sfamford Sfreef, London SE1 9LS, fo arr i ve no lafer fhan May 26,2006. Please send i f by recorded deli very, and keep fhe or i gi nal cover safe, as we'llneed i f fo ver i fy your clai m af a lafer dafe. Phone lines open at midnight on April 2,2006, and close at midnight on May 19,2006, Calls cost 75p per minute and last around three minutes. Texts cost 150 per message received, plus your usual operator costs (you'll receive two messages). TERMS & CONDITIONS 1. The entry i nstruct i ons form part of the rules. 2. Proof of post i ng w i ll not be accepted as proof of del I very. 3. Allcla I mants must be I n possess I on of the or I g I nal front cover of Practical Parentingbear i nga w I nn I ng...

Real Moms Resource Guide

Raising Resilient Children Fostering Strength, Hope, and Optimism in Your Child, by Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein (New York Contemporary Books, 2001). Renowned psychologists provide practical parenting strategies and practices to prepare kids for the challenges of today's complicated, ever changing world. Unconditional Parenting Moving from Rewards and Punishment to Love and Reason, by Alfie Kohn (New York Atria, 2005). Kids do best when given unconditional love, respect, and opportunities

Therapeutic Interventions

Meet with the parents and other supportive family members to teach them how to actively listen to the child's feelings (or assign the Heart to Heart Smart Talks activity from the Parenting Skills Homework Planner by Knapp). 26. Emphasize to the parents the importance of extending freedoms only after responsibility has been demonstrated by the child brainstorm a list of acceptable and unacceptable privileges (e.g., acceptable watching television after homework is completed unacceptable becoming engrossed in television and forgetting about homework) (or assign the Earning Privileges and Freedoms activity from the Parenting Skills Homework Planner by Knapp). 34. Assign the parents to complete with the child the Healthy Habits to Support Recovery activity in the Parenting Skills Homework Planner by Knapp to define positive behaviors and activities can become antidotes to relapse into depression, substance abuse or suicidal ideation.

School Adjustment Difficulties

Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP). Circle Pines, MN American Guidance Service. McEwan, E. (1998). When Kids Say No to School Helping Children at Risk of Failure, Refusal or Dropping Out. Harold Shaw Publishing. Moorman, C., and S. Knapp. (2001). The Parent Talk System The Language of Responsible Parenting. Merrill, MI Personal Power Press.

Strategies for Teenagers Age to

Parenting Teens with Love and Logic. Colorado Springs, CO Navpress. Dinkmeyer, D., G. McKay, J. McKay, and D. Dinkmeyer (1998). Parenting Teenagers Systematic Training for Effective Parenting of Teens. Circle Pines, MN American Guidance Service. Moorman, C., and S. Knapp (2001). The Parent Talk System The Language of Responsible Parenting. Merrill, MI Personal Power Press. Tainey, D., B. Rainey, and B. Nygren (2002). Parenting Today's Adolescent Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years. Nashville, TN Thomas Nelson.

Strategies for Preschoolers Age Birth to

Parent Talk How to Talk to Your Children in Language That Builds Self-Esteem and Encourages Responsibility. New York Fireside. Moorman, C., and S. Knapp (2001). The Parent Talk System The Language of Responsible Parenting. Merrill, MI Personal Power Press.

Patterns across generations

Some family characteristics are likely to be passed on from one generation to the next.The reasons may be due to genetics, similar ways of living, parenting styles, modeling of behaviors and coping strategies, or a combination of these and other factors.The good news is that positive, secure attachment relationships are often passed on to more than one generation. (For a description of attachment relationships, see fact sheets 2 and 3.) The bad news is that negative relationships and problems also can be passed on to more than one gener-ation.These problems can include child abuse and neglect, alcohol and drug abuse, domestic violence, criminal behaviors, and mental illness.

Contexts of Parenting

Marital relationships and father involvement affect the quality of mother-child and father-child relationships and child outcomes (Gable, Crnic, and Belsky, 1994 Tamis-LeMonda and Cabrera, 1999), and how parents work together as a coparenting team may have far-reaching consequences for infants (Fincham, 1998). The lower-SES mother is likely to have been a poorer student, making it unlikely that she will turn to books readily as sources of information about pregnancy, infancy, and parenthood among middle-SES women, reading material is primary (Furstenberg, Brooks-Gunn, and Chase-Lansdale, 1989 Hofferth and Hayes, 1987 Young, 1991). Middle-SES, more than lower-SES, parents also seek out and absorb expert advice about child development (Lightfoot and Valsiner, 1992). Indeed, social class and culture pervasively influence the complexity and the resourcefulness with which mothers view infant development (Palacios, 1990 Sameroff and Feil, 1985). Culture influences parenting patterns and...

Real Moms Secret A Mother Who Takes Time for Her Children Helps Them Build Strong Relationships

Know, How They Know It, and Several Forms of Adolescent Adjustment Further Support for a Reinterpretation of Monitoring, Developmental Psychology, 2000, 36, 366-380, described in J. Garbarino and C. Bedard, Parents Under Siege Why You Are the Solution, Not the Problem, in Your Child's Life (New York Free Press, 2001), pp. 106-108. Real Mom Alert quotation L. Steinberg, The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting (New York Simon & Schuster, 2004), p. 48.

What Real Moms Can Learn from This Story

The essential secret for real mothering here is that unconditional love doesn't depend on performance (or anything else, for that matter). Unconditional love is your total, absolute commitment, devotion, and tender affection for your children exactly as they arrived to you and have developed so beautifully over the years. The basic foundation for all good parenting is the ability to convey this unconditional love and sensitivity to your child's needs.

Emergency Attitude

Change your kid's me . . . me . . . me attitude to you . . . you . you.Teach empathy. The best cure for selfishness is to help kids feel what someone else is feeling. Choose a particularly offensive selfish act and play Pretend to Be Me. Here's how you could use it The obvious reason that kids are selfish is that we've spoiled them by indulging in their every whim out of guilt or the misguided perception that good parenting is all about giving. Do you have a Little Princess or Prince in your house who feels entitled to luxury and privilege Of course, there are some other potential reasons for this bad attitude.Your child may be expressing underlying feelings of neglect, jealousy, or inadequacy. He may be trying to satisfy needs for love and attention that have been previously ignored. And remember that some kids can't think about others because they're struggling to survive the emotional pain of their everyday lives.

Why You Should Stay Involved What the Research Shows

Swedish psychologists Mary Margaret Kerr and Hakan Stattin studied over a thousand fourteen-year-olds and their parents. What they found was that the more the parents knew about what their kids did, the better adjusted the kids they were less delinquent, had fewer school problems, less depression, more positive expectations of life, more positive peers, and better relations with parents. The researchers discovered that it was those spontaneous little disclosures-those unplanned little nuggets of information that kids blurt out to their parents-that explained more of what was really happening in kids' lives than all the efforts parents made to monitor their kids or pry information out of them. And the more involved the parents were in their kids' lives, the more likely the kids were to share. The bottom line not only does staying involved produce better-adjusted kids, but the very relationship keeps kids out of trouble. In fact, kids who feel that their parents are trying to control...

Behavioral Definitions

Raising children alone or in partnership with a co-parent living in a separate residence. 2. Verbalizes feeling overwhelmed with the stress of multiple responsibilities of raising children. 5. Reports feelings of guilt and inadequacy caused by raising children in a nontraditional family.

Culture and attachment

Different cultures have different ways of raising children. In some cultures only the mother cares for the child. In others, many people in the community help out. Researchers have looked at the role attachment plays in different cultures.They have found that attachment relationships are important in most, if not all, cultures. All children in all cultures look for safety and comfort from a person or people who can take care of their needs. However, the ways that children and adults show their caring for one another is different between families and cultures.

The importance of close relationships

How long do most grandparents spend raising grandchildren According to the 2000 U.S. Census, close to 40 of grandparents raising grandchildren have been doing so for five or more years. Whether your grandchildren have been with you for a long or short time, you can have a strong influence on how they relate to others.

Characteristics of positive attachment figures

Most children have a few attachment figures in their lives. An attachment figure typically cares for the child physically and emotionally, is someone the child can count on, and has an emotional attachment to the child.2 Most grandparents raising grandchildren meet these standards.

Defining job responsibilities

Now is the time to make up your list of all the tasks that you want your caregiver to perform. Think about the typical day you envision for your children in the care of the person you hire. What do you want them to do together Play Read Go on outings Work on projects Be clear about whether you are looking for someone solely to take care of your children or someone who will do child care and housekeeping, too. If housekeeping is a priority for your family, do you mean light housekeeping tasks (straightening up, loading the dishwasher, etc.) or more serious chores such as vacuuming and dusting, cleaning the bathrooms and floors, laundry, cooking, and errands your children and cleaning your house. Set priorities for any work to be done that is outside the realm of child care. go

Treat your caregiver with respect

Your caregiver is entrusted with your most vulnerable family members - your children. You'll want to show her how important her role is to you. Introduce her to your friends and family. (Ask her first how she would like to be introduced babysitter nanny by her first name as Ms., Mrs., or Miss ) Give your caregiver and your children the room to develop a caring relationship. Listen to what she has to say about them. Never undermine her authority in front of them. If you find you can't treat your caregiver respectfully, she is not right for your family.

Helping your new caregiver get started

If you possibly can, stay at home with your caregiver during her first few days on the job. If you are asking a previous provider to orient your new caregiver, plan to have them spend anywhere from three or four days to one week together. Take the new caregiver around your neighborhood, go to the park, introduce her to your neighbors. Be sure to show her where the closest medical facility is for emergency purposes. The time you are able to spend together with your new caregiver will give you a feel for each other and for your respective styles of dealing with your children and setting up their day. It will also give the caregiver and your children time to get acquainted without the stress of an abrupt transition.

Mother Who Laughs Teaches

The Lesson a Real Mother Teaches Real moms know that a big part of creating a happy family is lightheartedness and genuineness those simple, joyous, fun moments of just plain laughing and enjoying each other. Sometimes you can plan such moments, but more often they happen spontaneously, and you just have to tune in and go with the flow. And the lesson you teach your children by doing so is that nothing matters more than being filled with joy together. So don't be afraid to unleash your laid-back side, Mom, and let go every once in a while. Let your kids see a more lighthearted, relaxed you. It's what creates those cherished lifelong memories of a happy home filled with love, laughter, and a mom whom your kids remember as being fun. It also teaches your children one of the best lessons of resilience to laugh and enjoy life.

Important Tips to Keep in Mind

Families tell us that finding the right in-home caregiver often involves a long search, usually six to eight weeks but sometimes longer. It is a process that will probably be repeated several times before your children outgrow the need for care. Do everything you can to ensure a good match between your family and the care-giver you choose. From the start there are a number of ways to improve your chances of having your choice work out well.

Building a Partnership with Your Caregiver

Congratulations You've completed the difficult task of finding someone you feel good about to care for your children. You're paving the way for a productive ongoing relationship between your new caregiver and your family. But no matter how good you feel about your choice, minor conflicts are inevitable in a relationship as intimate and important as the one you will develop with your caregiver. Communication, fairness, respect, flexibility, and cooperation are key ingredients for keeping even the most compatible situation going smoothly. Here are some tips for making the relationship work

Is This Real Moms Secret Part of Your Parenting

It's perfectly fine to let your children know how proud you are of their endeavors. But if you always pile on the praise only for their final products (the score, the grade, the results), your children may pick up the wrong message that all you care about is if they won, how they measured up against the other kids, or whether they took home the grand prize. What gets overlooked is your children's effort, the hard work, or the need for your encouragement when things don't always turn out perfectly. And believe me, those are the very lessons they'll need bouncing back from those inevitable hard knocks of life. So let's start by helping you recognize just how often you use this powerful secret in your family. 1. What are your priorities with your kids Does overcompet-itiveness seem to be a part of your natural temperament How long have you noticed this in yourself What about when you were growing up Did your parents emphasize a competitive, win-lose concept or try to temper your quest to...

Before your caregiver begins

No matter where she lives now, send your caregiver a letter about and a picture of your family, house, and other people or places relevant to your life. Many families make family videos to send to their future caregivers. If your children like to draw, you may also want to encourage them to create drawings to send to the caregiver or to decorate her room with them. Encourage your caregiver to send a picture of herself which you can put up where the children can see it. This will help your children feel more familiar with and comfortable about the caregiver, even before she begins her job. Prepare a medical release form for each of your children so your caregiver can also have emergency medical information with her at all times. You'll find a sample medical release form on page 66.