How are you responding to your kid's defiant attitude? For instance, the last time your kid disobeyed or refused to comply with your request, what did you do? Yell? Chastise? Debate? Threaten? Or do you report his attitude to others (teacher, nanny, other parent, the police) and have them deal with your kid's defiance? Are other adults usually with you when your kid is defiant? If so, what do they typically do? Support you? Scold him also? Ignore it? Yell at you? Do they help or hinder the situation?
Do you discipline him for his attitude in any way? If so, how? Ground him? Use time-out? Spank? Slap? Lecture? Remove a privilege? Demand an apology? If you discipline, how does your kid respond? What discipline doesn't work?
Here's another possible response: Do you ignore his defiance altogether? If so, why? Is it just easier? You hope it's just a phase? You don't have the energy? You're too busy to deal with it? His debates and tirades last so long you know you will be late? You feel threatened? You're concerned about the emotional health or even physical safety of siblings or other kids watching?
What is the one response that is guaranteed not to work in stopping your kid's defiant, noncompliant attitude? Write it down so you will remember never to use it again.
I will not_
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