How did you handle defeat and failure when you were growing up? Do you see any of those same behaviors in your child? Kids love to hear that their parents made mistakes when they were growing up. If you haven't shared your pain of failure with your child, consider doing so. Did you learn any coping strategies that helped you bounce back? What were they? Where did you learn them? Have you modeled any of those strategies to your child? If not, think about how you might teach them to your child.Write down your reflections and plan.
Kids are not born poor losers, so where might she be learning this behavior? Siblings? Friends? Neighbors? Relatives? You? Think about where your kid might be learning this attitude. How well are you and your partner modeling how to win and lose gracefully? Do you make excuses for your own difficulties? Do you blame your boss or colleagues when something goes wrong for you at work? Are you always complaining that were it not for some unfair rule, law, or authority, your whole life would be better? Do you yell at the coach or referee? Do you criticize your kids' teachers in front of them? Do you blame the coach? Do you cheer when your kid's opponent gets hurt? What about when you watch a sports or a game show with your kid? Does he see you booing, criticizing, or blaming the coach or opponent? Might the example of the adults or other kids be influencing his attitude? Or when playing games as your children were growing up, did you always let them win? Did you let them learn how to lose gracefully and be a good sport about it? How do you react to the winners and losers when you watch reality TV, a sporting event, or a game show?
What can you do to create a better example for your kid? What is the first step you need to take in yourself to help your son or daughter lose with poise, bounce back from defeat, or be a better teammate? For instance, you could stop making excuses, criticizing, or blaming others for your defeats. You could take the time to thank or compliment the officials, teacher, or coach at your kid's events, cheer and encourage your kid's opponents or teammates, or model how to handle defeat.Write down changes you need to make.
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