Step Spell Out Your Expectations

At a time when both you and your child are calm, explain that from this point on, you expect her compliance with your requests. Be very clear so that there can be no doubt what you mean.You might say If I sound serious or say 'I'm serious,' I mean it.Then make sure your kid clearly knows your serious tone by modeling it. Explain that if she doesn't do what you ask, there will be a consequence. (Review Step 4 so you can tell your child what the consequence is if noncompliance continues.) You...

Step Teach Ways to Buck the Pressure to Cheat

Research reveals that when it comes to cheating, kids are pressured big time by peers. Cheating in school has reached sophisticated new levels. Gone are the days when students tucked meticulously written crib notes inside their pants legs and coughed specially designed codes to peers. Pagers and cell phone text mail messages instantly transmit test answers without the hassle of note passing (and getting caught ).A growing crop of Web sites such as schoolsucks.com provide term papers on any...

Facing Your Own Bad Attitudes

Your kid isn't born fresh, sassy, and rude, so where is your kid learning this attitude Could it be from siblings Friends Neighborhood kids Cousins or relatives What about from you or your spouse How do you treat one another Do you ever talk sarcastically and flippantly to each other Do you use four-letter words If so, how often How about the way you treat your friends Has anybody ever accused you of being fresh or insulting What was the situation Now think about how you typically talk to your...

Step Acknowledge a Positive Attitude

Change is always difficult, especially when you are trying to alter an attitude that is a well-used habit. Be on the alert for those times your child does utter optimism. If you're not looking for the behavior, you may well miss those moments when your child is trying a new approach.Whenever you do hear optimism, acknowledge your child's effort. Just make sure to remind him what he said that was optimistic and why you appreciate the comment Kara, I know how difficult your spelling tests have...

Step Announce a No Freshness Policy and Then Stick to It

Calmly announce your zero tolerance for fresh behavior and language to your kid. Make sure it is a relaxed, uninterrupted time, and then clarify your new policy in a firm, serious tone. This is no time for discussion, negotiation, or compromise. In fact, the whole discussion should be brief. Just express why his fresh attitude will no longer be tolerated you might explain your family's code of values and your personal beliefs and how a fresh attitude goes against those values. Also let your...

Step Model Productivity

Take a pledge, especially this month, to show your kids that you don't give up on a task even when things get difficult. Before starting a new task, make sure your child overhears you say,I'm goin to work hard until I am successful. Modeling the trait is always the number one teaching method, so consciously tune up productivity in your behavior.Your kids need to see examples of serious work both in your house and out of it.This is the best way for them to understand that life isn't all fun...

The Seven Worst Mistakes In Trying To Change Bad Attitudes

So you've tried your hardest to change your kid's bad attitudes, and nothing has worked.You recognize your kid is spoiled, and you've really made an effort to stop his greedy, self-centered, defiant, or flippant ways.And you're still having little success. You've threatened, scolded, bribed, and begged, but nothing seems to work. Frankly, you're at your wit's end. Why isn't your response working Why have none of your methods been successful How can you be sure that your child changes her ways...

Where Is This Coming From

Of course, there are other known causes that do contribute to the demise of kids' sensitivity, respect, and appreciation.A few more common reasons bad attitudes are flourishing in today's youth include these classic parenting blunders. Keeping Up with the Joneses. We want our kids to have the same advantages as the kids next door schooling, social events, the in fashions, gadgets, and technological paraphernalia. So we keep our radar extended to watch what the neighbors are doing, and probably...

Whats The Difference Between Attitude And Behavior

I wrote a book in 2002 called No More Misbehavin' 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them. In this book, I tried to help parents target and eliminate common problems like whining, biting, fighting, poor sportsmanship, bullying, tattling, teasing, and other annoying things that kids do. The focus was on changing children's conduct and replacing their inappropriate habits with a more acceptable way of acting at home, at school, and in the community. My goal was to provide parents with tools...

Step Point Out Others Reactions

A big part of changing any habit is for the offender to realize why he should change, and that's a problem with kids. They often have used the attitude so long that they're unaware that arrogance is a real turn-off and doesn't win them any points from friends, teammates, or adults. Help your child recognize how others react to his know-it-all superior ways. Here are a few examples of how you might do so with your child Ask How would you feel Sam came over to play, but you spent a lot of time...

Step Acknowledge Others

Arrogant kids often focus on their own strengths and overlook those of others, so a big part of tempering your kid's arrogance is to help him recognize the accomplishments and achievements of others. Here are a few strategies to help your child start looking for the greatness in others and acknowledge it Greet others. The most basic form of acknowledgment is a simple Hello,Good morning, or How are you Promote their use by your child. Though they seem like such minimal gestures, simple...

Makeovers

Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older they will remain upon it. Proverbs 22 6 Antidote Humility, Graciousness, Modesty Our twelve year old is pretty bright and always has to let everyone know it. f anybody is wrong, look out he can be merciless and really insulting about letting them know that he's right and they're wrong. I'm waiting for the day somebody just gets fed up and decks him. Is there any way to stop his know-it-all attitude He's really turning into an...

How To Use This Book

There are many other books on the market that claim to provide a quick and easy solution to all your parenting problems. Most of them offer a simply stated philosophy and a somewhat vague and generalized plan of action.This book is different. The last thing I want to do is give you the impression that changing a kid's attitudes is something that can be accomplished by spending a few minutes for a couple of days a week on it.We're talking serious time and energy here.This book provides you with...

Facing Our Own Hidden Demons

Being selfish, spoiled, or insensitive, a victim of the Big Brat Factor, a member of the bad attitude generation is not just your kid's problem. This crisis is a big crisis for you and your entire family. To help your child change, you need to step back and look at the big picture, and the place to start is by taking a good, honest look in the mirror. You are the most enormous influence on your kid's attitude. Before you start planning how to change your kid's attitude, take a serious look at...

Emergency Attitude

Decide which issues really matter and are worth fighting over and which you can let slide for the time being. One of our biggest problems as parents is feeling overwhelmed with all the different issues and conflicts going on with our defiant kids. Right now, your child is probably not doing anything you want him to do. By getting him to comply with one just crucial thing, you're starting on the right path toward a big attitude change. For a younger child, playing without hitting might be your...

Bad Attitude News Alert

Involved dads can make a major contribution to raising sensitive, empathie kids. A long-term study begun in the 1950s found that children whose fathers were positively involved in their care when they were age five were found thirty years later to be more empathic, sensitive adults than those whose fathers were absent. Another study involving first-grade boys in intact families revealed that kids whose fathers took more responsibility for their sons' discipline and schoolwork and were more...

And Encourage Kids to Value What They Have

Praise is one of the oldest parenting strategies, but research finds that only certain kinds really enhance behavior and changes attitudes. Psychologist Joan Grusec found that kids who were frequently praised by their mothers whenever they displayed generous behavior actually tended to be less generous on a day-to-day basis than other children.Why More than likely, the children weren't personally committed to the trait in this case, generosity that their moms were praising them for.Without...

Step Recognize Your Kids Manipulative Tactics

Here are a few of the most common manipulation tactics kids use to get their way. Check ones that apply to your child Lies. I left it on the bus.I did it already.My friend borrowed it. Plays one adult off the other. Dad would let me. But Mom said it was okay. Makes excuses. The teacher didn't tell me. I thought it was Sally's job. Shifts blame. How am I supposed to get a good grade my teacher is bad.Go yell at the coach, not me. It's not my fault.Don't blame me.You should have told me you were...

Step Uncover the Source

Here are some common reasons that your child may be so arrogant. Check off those that might pertain to your situation She may feel the need to show off her talents, skills, or intelligence. Have you set a precedent in which your kids display their talents to friends, relatives, or one another She may be jealous or resentful. Do you favor one child, or does she feel that you do Do you compare her capabilities academic, social, aesthetic, or athletic to those of classmates, peers, neighborhood...

Step Give Your Kids a Clear Message About Responsible Attitudes

Take time to explain your beliefs and expectations about responsibilities. Consider developing a family motto about responsibility. A father in Atlanta told me that conveying this life message to his kids was so important that they spent an afternoon together brainstorming family anthems about responsibility such as We keep our word, We always do our best, We can be counted on.They wrote them on index cards, and his kids taped them on their bedroom walls. Develop your own family anthem as a...

Step Reinforce Authentic Self Esteem and Humility

Reinforce your child's humility as soon as it happens, and let her know how pleased it makes you feel. Remember that true self-esteem is a quiet, inner contentment in which the child doesn't feel compelled to let others know of her accomplishments and accolades. Nor does she feel the urge to compare herself to others or put the other guy down. Here are some examples Jessica, I know how proud you must feel about your grades. I'm proud of how hard you worked. I also appreciate that you just told...

Step Help Your Child Tune into What Makes Others Happy

Grateful hearts are created not from centering on personal needs but centering on others. Help your child focus on what others appreciate. It's an easy but powerful way of boosting his understanding of gratitude, as well as helping him recognize simple ways to make others happy. Here's an example Parent Uncle Ken has been with us for two days.What have you noticed that he appreciates Child He was really happy when I talked with him yesterday. Parent You're right I bet he'd really be grateful if...

Exposing The Big Brat Factor

How are things on your own home front these days Do you ever wonder if your darling cherub could be the next poster child for most spoiled Have you thought (secretly, of course) how much easier selling your kids on eBay would be than raising them for one more minute Do you sometimes feel as though you've become your kids'ATM machine If so, chances are your kid has a big dose of the Big Brat Factor. Take a deep breath, and know you're not alone millions of other parents are in the same boat....

Step Evaluate Your Kids Physical and Mental Health

Be sure that your couch potato isn't suffering from some kind of illness or chronic fatigue.When was the last time you took him to the pediatrician for a checkup and blood work And could this lazy attitude be part of a mood swing Think if anything distressing has happened lately to cause your kid to be distracted or withdrawn. Could this be normal adolescent development, or could his hormones be acting up Has there been any unusual pressure or stress on him lately Have you moved Is he at a new...

Step Emphasize Character Not Performance

The point is to judge others not on what they have done but based on who they are. That means you need to stress character, not performance. Start with your child, but because modeling is such an important way kids learn, do it also with your whole family. That way you will be more likely to really walk your talk. Here are some ways to emphasize to your kid that in the end, it's his character that matters most Stop rewarding just expect and accept. Stop bribing or rewarding your kid's efforts....

Step Clearly Identify Your Kids Fresh Behaviors

The first step in eliminating a fresh attitude is to determine which behaviors you consider inappropriate. Only then can you eliminate them from your kid's repertoire.Where do you draw the line between normal teasing and family banter and a downright rude, disrespectful, fresh attitude What is your family's rule about four-letter words Your kid won't know the boundaries unless you do. All kids slip every once in a while, but what is your kid doing or saying that is really fresh The best test is...

Step Help Your Child Have Empathy for Her Victims Feelings

The critical part of disciplining a child who is flaunting a mean attitude is to help her understand how her actions affected the other person. Unless she learns to consider the other person's feelings and needs and recognize the discomfort or hurt her unkindness caused the recipient, the attitude is likely to continue. Here are a few questions that help kids reflect on the impact their unkind actions had on their victim's feelings Can you see how upset Juan is How did your attitude make him...

Step Nurture and Expect Respect

Kids with defiant attitudes are clearly also disrespectful. So while part of your makeover is to no longer tolerate a defiant attitude and to expect compliance, the other part is to rebuild respect in your child. Here are four strategies to enhance this critical virtue Define respect. Take time to explain clearly what you mean by acting respectfully.You might say, Respect means that you value or admire someone or something by treating them in a considerate, courteous, and polite manner. How you...

Final Thoughts Before The Big Attitude Makeover

Child Attitude Chang

Before starting your first attitude makeover, keep in mind a few points. Remember that attitudes are learned, so they can be unlearned. Helping your child unlearn his own bad atti tudes means you'll need a specific makeover plan, and that's exactly what I give you in this book.All you need to do is identify the bad attitude you want to change, find the chapter that addresses it, and then be committed and consistent in following the specific plan of action per attitude. Here's an exercise to...

The Bad Attitude Intelligence Test

Just how much do you know about bad attitudes and how to change them Answer the following questions true or false. The results may surprise you. 1. Your child's attitudes are predetermined at birth. 2. Your child's attitudes cannot be changed. 3. Your attitude has a lot with your child's attitude. 4. If your child is smart and gets good grades, he's likely to have a good attitude. 5. Being affluent and having a higher education has little to do with your child's good or bad attitude. 6. A bad...

Step Set Limits

One reason kids become selfish is that they are used to getting their way. Don't let them get away with that. Set clear limits, and then stick to them like glue. Don't give in to whining, pouting, tantrums, and guilt-laced admonishments of You're the worst parent in the world This might be hard if you think your main role is to be your kid's best friend. Reset your thinking. See yourself as the adult, and recognize that hundreds of child development studies conclude that kids whose parents set...

Bad Attitude Antidotes And Replacements

In an effective makeover, not only do you have to stop the bad attitude, but you must also boost the missing virtue whose absence has created the problem in the first place. For example, if your kid has been fresh and giving you a lot back talk, you better be sure that a crucial part of eliminating his of bad attitude is replacing it with respect. That will not only make your family more harmonious and you less stressful, but you'll also get an added bonus of...

Step Refuse to Engage with a Fresh Mouthed Attitude

Kids are much more likely to stop using fresh, sassy attitudes and bad language if they find they don't work in getting what they want.Whenever your kid lays a fresh attitude on you, flat out refuse to respond until he is respectful. And do so every time he acts fresh. The best response to a fresh kid is to turn and walk away calmly. No, you're not abandoning your kid you're letting him know you expect respect and won't deal with him until he acts respectfully. Usually when kids see that you...

Step Teach How to Recognize Stereotypes and Biases

Before your kid is willing to change his narrow-minded attitude, he must understand what a stereotype is, how to recognize one, and why they can be harmful. These next ideas help your kid learn those important three parts Define stereotypes. You might say, A stereotype is a big sweeping idea we believe about a whole group of people or subject area. Usually the beliefs are wrong because they are not true about every member of the group or every instance about the subject.They are also unfair...

Step Help Kids Face Their Fears Not Avoid Them Through Manipulation

If your child is using manipulation to avoid something causing anxiety or fear, don't be too quick to let her off the hook. First, think things through. If she is capable of the task and the expectation is fair and reachable, then do not give in. That would be a huge mistake. Instead, insist that she face her fear. A big part of life is learning how to cope, and childhood is the best time to learn how. Do not dismiss your child's fear or punish her for it.The fear is very real. Instead, comfort...

Preventing The Worstcase Scenario Why You Better Start Changing Bad Attitudes Today

One thing is clear it's up to us.We must take immediate action, or there will be disastrous long-term effects on our children's potential for happiness and fulfillment. Here are ten outcomes that could happen if we don't make an emergency intervention and allow our kids to hold on to those bad attitudes. Undermine Character. Character determines your child's reputation as a human being.Virtues like kindness, empathy, respect, tolerance, perseverance, fairness, and honesty form our children's...