Body Language Mastery
Think about the last time your kid was demanding and how you responded. What were his demands Were they reasonable What was your response How did you deliver that response For instance, what was your tone of voice How about your body language Was it a battle If so, who won you
The difficulties with literality, being unable to adapt a concept for different situations, the problems with facial expressions and body language all make such safety issues a minefield for a child or indeed an adult with AS. I have tried to explain to all of my boys (apart from Ben who hasn't the understanding yet) the dangers of speaking to strangers .without much success. I have used computer programmes to illustrate the point, drawn pictures and talked at great length. Joe's answer, and Luke's and Matthew's answer when they were younger, was that ifyou asked someone their name they wouldn't be a stranger any more Whilst all of the boys have the same kind of language difficulties, Luke with a concrete diagnosis of AS takes such messages to the extreme. As the 'Say no to strangers' message was taught to him at school when he was younger, he then refused to speak to anyone he had not met before. If some kindly person got chatting in a shop and asked him his name, or I took him to a...
Children with good communication skills can relate to different types of people, in friendly and challenging situations. They connect socially and defuse conflict. They say what they mean and their body language reflects their words. Their message is clear. If they're feeling good, they sound cool. If they're angry, they're furious They're generally the popular children.
Pick up language they have heard from videos and cartoons. Anyone who knows all of my family knows that much of Ben's language is actually Joe's, copied but yet not understood. All autistic people however have some difficulty in the way they use and understand verbal and non verbal forms of communication. Understanding facial expressions, body language and subtle use of spoken language such as idioms and metaphors are all part ofthe language and communication problems experienced by autistic people. All parents, carers and even teachers reading this will be able to think of many examples of the communication difficulties experienced by the children in their care and whilst we can all provide amusing examples of how often language is misunderstood, the reality and severity of these problems cannot be underestimated. Whether a child or person is considered to be 'high functioning' or at the lower end of the spectrum, the communication difficulties pervade every walk of life.
What turns kids off very quickly is your being critical and judgmental. No shaming, blaming, or yelling. Watch your body language no rolling eyes or shrugging shoulders. Make a contest for yourself What's the longest you can go without judging or being critical Time yourself and then keep gradually lengthening that time and changing your behavior.
The first step in eliminating a fresh attitude is to determine which behaviors you consider inappropriate. Only then can you eliminate them from your kid's repertoire.Where do you draw the line between normal teasing and family banter and a downright rude, disrespectful, fresh attitude What is your family's rule about four-letter words Your kid won't know the boundaries unless you do. All kids slip every once in a while, but what is your kid doing or saying that is really fresh The best test is that a fresh attitude is rude, embarrassing, or hurtful and always disrespectful. Keep in mind that freshness can be delivered in three ways with words, a fresh voice tone, or with body gestures Fresh body gestures smirking, sighing, rolling eyes, vulgar finger gestures. Make a list of the fresh words, tone, or body gestures your kid typically uses. Talk with others who witness your kid's fresh attitude, and add their observations. Finally, pass your list on to any adult spouse, day care,...
You can copy the way popular, assertive children behave in social and difficult situations. Check the feedback to make sure you are improving. Look at movies and television shows to see how confident people behave observe their appearance, clothes, hairstyle, voice, body language and ability to confront bullies.
In fact,you always need to make yourself safe. This includes stranger danger, risky physical situations, avoiding a dog attack and dealing with bullies. Feedback is your safety guide. It tells you how to use your survival skills to protect yourself and shows you what to do next. You need to check out everything to find out who is friendly or nasty. You need to observe the bully's behaviours - e.g. his eyes,face, body language, voice -and onlookers' reactions.Then checkyourgut feelings. Do you feel safe or not Then take appropriate action, alone or with help.
I think Luke sums up succinctly the frustration that most AS people feel when it comes to language and communication. Whilst I see Luke as enchantingly candid, his honesty being a refreshing well of clear water in a world that is too often filled with grimy duplicity, the rest of the family sometimes don't see it in quite the same way. The girls don't take kindly to being told their backsides look big, their make-up stupid or their boyfriends being told that they are the third one that week The difficulties with facial expressions, body language and subtle meanings of language cause problems for those with AS in all walks of life. Whilst trying to provide a safe haven of security and understanding in the home, the practicalities of expecting everyone to speak clearly and unambiguously and understand the AS mind are not so easy in practice, and in a large family such as my own, Luke often seems to be the outsider misunderstood and misunderstanding.
Given the fact that autism plays a large part in making Joe the delightful little chap he is, one area that creates confusion is the misconception that autistic people are unable to tell lies. I have thought long and hard about why Joe is so literal, has such difficulties understanding facial expressions, body language and receptive language but yet has the imagination worthy of a commendation by Walt Disney Having lived with Joe and his 'lies' for so many years, I have come to the conclusion that this ability to tell the most amazingly far-fetched and believable stories, is yet another one ofthe triad ofimpairments in clever disguise. 'Impaired' is maybe the wrong word for the way Joe can expand on the truth, invent full scenarios from just one word or action and omit aspects of a story in order for it to have a different meaning.
With so many shades ofautistic spectrum differences in our household, we spend many a crazy hour playing games whereby the boys learn to read facial expressions and body language - in fact we have devised our own version of charades whereby the girls act out a little play without words and the boys have to guess by their body language and facial expressions exactly what is happening. We get some hilarious answers We also have Simon Baron-Cohen's Mind Reading computer programme which aims to aid people with all shades of the autistic spectrum improve their recognition of facial expressions.
The simplest way to find out if a child is being bullied is to ask directly, e.g. 'Is anyone being mean to you Are they bullying you What are they doing ' Then observe her body language when she replies. Does your child answer the question directly, e.g. 'Yes' or 'No' If so, do the 'Whodunnit' exercise with your child.
If you were born more sensitive, you will have a lower tolerance to stress. Your sympathetic nervous system is more active than your peers'. You become upset and react. At home you are protected, but not at school. Your distress is clearly visible on your face, like the lights on a plane's instrument panel. You broadcast your vulnerability your eyes look scared and teary, your lips quiver and your facial muscles twitch more rapidly, you blush or pale readily - revealing rapid changes in skin colour - and your anxiety is reflected in your voice, body language and words.
Signs Of Attraction
Ive just created a short little eBook about how to tell if a woman is interested in you, attracted in you or is simply listening to you because shes not rude enough to tell you leave me alone!